Enheduanna: The First Author - Wattys Winner 2021

1. What A Young Girl Should Not Know

It was utterly still within the palace walls, as if even the gods held their breath. The curtains hang straight and silent. If I was able to feel the beating of a birds' wings - that would have been the only breeze.

Usually, I would pray for this silence, but now the eerie absence of the sounds of boys running through the corridors, their voices bouncing off the walls, filled me with dread. So, instead of being soothed, my senses became heightened. Searching for any sound. Any confirmation that my brothers were still alive.

When at last, my ears picked up the silent humming from the garden, my heart stopped for a moment. Following the sound, that was barely louder than a whisper, I found myself on the edge of the oasis that was the garden. The sandstone gate was as big as a cow, and ivy cascaded over the fence, growing tendrils in every direction. Sitting there, below the ivy, mother's figure was slumped over. Her slender fingers brushed the raven locks of Ibarum as the toddler lay snuggled up on her lap, for which he had grown too big.

Mother looked up and smiled the same way she always did. The lines on her golden skin were edged with worry. Swollen eyes, and dark circles scarring the face that was once known as the most beautiful in the world. "Did you pray?" She asked.

"All I do these days is pray. I'm certain the gods will strike me down, and make me mute if I continue."

Mother's smile fell into a thin line, "but there is nothing else we can do."

I wanted to counter her statement. Prove her wrong by saying we could do something else. We could pick up a sword, we could ride out into the desert, we could defeat our enemies in battle. "Can't we go outside? Perhaps if we scout beyond the walls of Akkad-"

"Don't start. Not now. I have enough on my mind without your wild escapades. It is a truth as clear as the sun rising in the east that men were made for battle."

"I said nothing about joining the battle. But we could at least attempt to look for them."

"No, I'm not having this discussion with you again. You are a princess and you will stay here in the palace where we can keep you safe." she sighed as if the weight of the world rested on her shoulders, "maybe we should pray to Inanna that she will bring shift news."

As I sat down beside mother, I could feel her fear press down upon me. "It will be alright, mother. Soon a falcon will fly in with news from father."

"Your father has never sent his falcon to deliver good news," mother whispered, stroking her son's hair as if it was the only thing keeping her sane.

"Ibarum looks more like father with each passing day."

A small smile lined mother's lips. "He does, doesn't he? I only pray he doesn't have Sargon's insatiable hunger for power."

Mother's eyes drifted away as her word sank in. Father's conquests had been numerous. The amount was even called legendary among the guards. But I knew little about them. Every conquest was just another instance where father rode off with his army for several months and returned with the news that our kingdom had become even greater, somehow. As a child, I often rode after him on my mare, wanting to join him. Only to be stopped by the wet-nurses or other. Up till now, it had never occurred to me that each time he rode out of the city walls, there was a chance he might never return. And if he never returned, what would become of us? Glancing at mother's face as it fell to worry, I wondered how many sleepless nights that question had plagued her.

"Rimush and Manishtushu are with him. They will want to return to Akkad as soon as they find out the desert does not supply them with their daily dose of honeyed figs and wine." I said, hoping to lift her spirits, if only for a moment.

"Oh, my sweet daughter," her warm hand stroke across my cheek as her amber eyes revealed something new; pity. "One day, you will learn what war does to a man. It is far more poisonous than any wine, and no temptation on earth can persuade him to choose peace once he has experienced that dance with death."

"But you are the queen. Can you not order the fighting to stop?"

"No, only our beloved goddess Inanna can make your father stop."

A slight cough behind us brought us apart and our heads around. A royal guard stepped out of the shadows and knelt before mother. "My queen, I bring you news of the king. His cavalry just entered the gates of Akkad. The king is leading his men to the palace for a celebration."

"And my sons? What news do you have of them?"

"The princes of Akkad are riding beside their king."

Tears ran unchecked down mother's face and wetted the tinder-dry soil at her feet. Too overcome with emotions, she hugged her youngest child tightly to her chest before reaching out to me. "We have truly been blessed, my child."

Taking no time to collect herself, mother rose to her feet, and with one hand clutched around Ibarum and the other around my arm, she made her way to the grand hall as she had done so many times before. Out of the oasis, through the marble corridors and down the sand dusted stairs until the troops poured in through the azure gate, led by the king who carried himself with the pride of Gilgamesh and the divinity of An, supreme compared to all those who surrounded him.

Beside me, mother rolled her shoulders back, mirroring her husband's polished version of perfection.

"Queen of queens, your grace shines more brightly than the sun." the king sang as he kissed his wife's hand. Her blush was a compliment to the eyes showing her delicate sweetness within before she found a distraction in the toddler in her arms. The king allowed her time to compose herself, fighting back the smile that wanted to break out as he turned his attention to little Ibarum. "Don't let Anzû get steal your dreams, little man."

As soon as Ibarum heard father's voice, he giggled, waving his arms for the pickup he knew was coming. "Did you kill the bad king, Kazallu, abba?" he asked.

"Yes, father struck him down with his heavenly strength. Striking his corpse with define lightning." Rimush cheered. Both his and Manishtushu's beards had grown so much I hardly recognized them. These were no longer the boys who left the palace to follow in their father's footsteps. Instead, two men had returned from the battleground. A pinch of jealousy crossed my mind, wondering what wonders their eyes must have seen.

"No, Rimush. Stop planting such preposterous ideas into your brother's head." Father retorted sternly, "I am but a man. We are all mere mortals, in service of our divine gods and goddesses."

"And praise the gods for hearing our prayers and bringing my beloved husband and our sons safely back to me." mother said as she kissed Rimush and Manishtushu on their foreheads, drawing them into her protective embrace.

"Do not weep for us, mother, for we are unharmed. Father has defeated the king of Kazallu swiftly." Manishtushu said.

"Yes," Rimush added. "The birds can no longer find a place to perch away from the ground."

His words drew an image in my mind that was so frightful that I couldn't hold back my gasp, drawing all eyes towards me.

"I am sorry you had to hear that, my desert rose." Father apologized, his leathery hands brushing my cheeks. "Rimush must know better than to discuss such a dreadful topic in the presence of women."

Although his tone was stern, there was a glimmer of pride in father's eyes. Like he approved of the maturity with which his son spoke. Now, that they had accompanied him on one of his legendary battles, it was evident that a bond had formed. Their closeness professed to the union of two souls who protected each other from the clutches of death. My brothers had seen a part of our father he would never show within the palace walls. They had seen a part of the world that I would never get to see from the palace walls. If only I could read their mind, just for a glimpse, I would be content.

"It is quite alright, father. I am just so elated that you all have returned safely." I whispered, feeling more and more like an observer rather than an actual member of this family. Even as we walked back to the palace, father leading the way with mother beaming by his side, Ibarum on her arm and Rimush and Manishtushu in toe, I was left by myself. The princess, without a purpose, stuck in the same old place.

A/N: I hope you liked the first chapter of this story, and I would love to hear your opinion down in the comments.