Enheduanna: The First Author - Wattys Winner 2021

33. I Am Enheduanna

I felt the fear. I took a step forward.

The gates of Ur appeared on the horizon, beckoning me to come closer. The sun outlining the limestone walls like marble.

I felt the fear. I took a step forward.

This was what I had to do. There was no backing down now. No turning back. I had chosen this path, so I would walk down it no matter how much my hands were shaking. The difference between taking the step forwards or not was everything. And over a lifetime, it defined who I wanted to be. All those steps build a brave soul and, in time, an accomplished person who did much more for others, the ones who had my respect and love.

Passing through the city gates, my eyes were once again confronted by the destruction left in the wake of Lugal-ane's rampage. Dark clouds growled in a low rumble behind me, dragging over the city as I went. Left and right, I could see people looking up as I passed them. My title, no, my name, rang throughout their whispers. More and more people followed in my footsteps, curious as to why I was here and eager to see what would happen.

Within in the crowd, I recognised a few faces. The girl whose mother had been shot down before her eyes, the elderly man. I could see their eyes widen in shock, beckoning me to go back.

But I stepped forward.

It wasn't until the central market that I encountered a handful of Lugal-ane's soldiers. Half of them were so mind-numbingly drunk they were hanging lifelessly upon the shoulders of those who could still stand. Of those who could stand, only one recognized me. "You there! Priestess! Have you come back to die?"

Fear rose in my chest. And then, as if by magic, I found confidence. I found my voice.

"Queen Who Rides the Beasts,
Who at the holy command of An, utters the divine words,
Who can fathom Your great rites!
Destroyer of the Foreign Lands,
You have given wings to the storm,
Beloved of Enlil - You made the storm blow over the land,
You carried out the instructions of An."

A black rumbling sky pulled over us, its shadow covering the market like a blanket. The soldier opened his mouth again, but a low howl from the sky bulled over him with such a tremor it made him drop his sword. The crowd that surrounded us held their breaths, their frightened gaze flickering from me to the sky. But I did not look back. My eyes were focused on the Ziggurat, shining high above the city. My steps carried me forward with a constant pace.

"My Queen,
You are all devouring in your power,
You kept on attacking like an attacking storm,
Kept on blowing louder than the howling storm,
Kept on thundering louder than Ishkur,
Kept on moaning louder than the loudest winds,
Your feet grew not weary,
You caused wailing to be uttered on the 'lyre of lament."

The closer I got to the Ziggurat, the more soldiers entered the streets. Pushing themselves through the sea of people that watched me make my way home. Whispers turned to shouts, mixing in with the howling of the wind that pushed me on.

My voice became louder, bolder with each word that I spoke. "Lady of perfect divine presence, gleaming light, righteous woman clothed in splendour. Priestess of heaven. You have carried divine presence, you have hung it from your hand. You have gathered divine presence, you have brought it to your chest. Like a dragon, you have delivered poison to foreign lands."

From my peripheral vision, I could see a red robe break through the wall of people. "What are you doing here, Enheduanna? Are you that desperate for the mercy of death?"

Lugal-ane grabbed a fistful of my hair, dragging me to the ground as he pulled my head back. My neck was exposed to the heavens, and his sword loomed over me, ready to strike. The long silver blade reflected my gaze, and for a moment I saw my mother in the reflection. I didn't close my eyes, didn't stop my hymn. I would no longer be silenced.