Enheduanna: The First Author - Wattys Winner 2021

24. Trust No-one

Dingira lay out the piece of the broken tablets with such care. She could not read a single word, but still she tried her best to help me complete each and every one.

Then, as suddenly as she had appeared, she broke the silence. "You can talk about it, you know."

"What is there to talk about? I have nowhere to go. I can not go to my brother, because he will bring the war to Ur, and I can not go to the lords of Ur because they will bring the war to my brother."

"You are forgetting about the third option," Dingira mused, with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. "The people of Ur might not be trained soldiers, but what they lack in training they make up for in numbers."

With the image of that hunger pained child still fresh in my mind, I shuddered at the idea. "I cannot ask the people to fight for me."

"Who said anything about fighting? Most people prefer peace, and you have brought peace and prosperity to Ur."

"That still doesn't stop the lords from rebelling."

"Well, not to place the blame on you, but your hymn about the war god was a bit provoking."

"I never told anyone to betray their king," I cried out in desperation. "You triumph over all human rites and prayers. Who can explain your tirade, why you carry on so? Those were its final sentences. Does that sound like a call for war?"

Dingira shrugged her shoulders, "not to my ears. But that is the problem with these hymns. People interpret them however they like when there is not a voice to provide the emotions."

My fingers glided over the written pieces before me. I had never thought about it that way, but as I imagined different people preform the hymns, they actually got a different meaning. Did that mean it did not matter what emotions I put in them?

But no one had seen the visions that I saw, felt the way I had felt. Perhaps I was simply not clear enough. Maybe a rewriting was in order.

"Anna? Are you listening?" Dingira sang sweetly, pulling me from my thoughts. "I have to leave, Nanna is rising."

Night had set in, and the moon had risen without me ever noticing. And by the time I finished rewriting all the hymns to my satisfaction, dawn announced a new day.

Shula brought me bread and milk, as she always did. Combing my hair until it shone like a polished onyx stone.

"We must make preparations for tomorrow's announcement of the New Moon."

I nodded, "and the harvesting season will soon end. I shall ask Idal to assist me with the marking of the rations."

The comb in my hair stopped. Shula sucked in a breath as her arms shivered. "I have not seen Idal all morning."

"Is that alarming? He does not need to rise at dawn?"

"Well, normally he is already training before dawn in the empty courtyard."

As a soldier should. But Idal was no longer a soldier, and after yesterday I can only imagine how much he wanted to get away from the full affairs.

"Idal and I had a falling out yesterday, and perhaps after that argument he felt compelled to change up his routine." I confessed, bitter regret filling my mouth and mind as I remembered how unresolved we had left things. I hadn't even thanked him for coming to my aid.

Shula nodded in understanding. "Shall I assist you with the marking of the rations?"

"That depends; can you hold all the tablets with the inventory? They are very heavy."

A chuckle erupted from the woman as if the question was a notion of mockery. "I'm not such a fragile lily. The weight of the tablets poses no problem for me."

And with that, we went to the provisions hall of the temple. A hall so large it dwarfed the pillared hall where our ceremonies were held and somehow remained cooler. Shula explained it was because this room lay slightly lower than the rest, the sand helping to provide a consistent temperature to store the grain and bread.

"See it as one of the lizard's holes where they hide during the days within the desert." She explained.

I knew not of what she spoke but her knowledge was entertaining this dull task never the less. To the point that I never even noticed the passing of time until we were greeted by a setting sun and skies of red and purple as we emerged in the courtyard.

"Enheduanna, there you are. I have been looking all over for you." Dingira cried out as she spotted us, "Kituzda was less than helpful when I asked her where you had gone for the day and only the gods know where Idal had run off to -"

It felt like a part of me was ripped from my core. "Idal is still nowhere to be found?"

Her plump lips pressed into a thin line as she mumbled, "has he been missing?"

Has he? If I were honest, I had not even looked for him, but somewhere within my heart was this unbearable aching that something was amiss. And the saddest part was that I knew he was somewhere on this earth, but still the uncertainty of not knowing where. Not being able to look him in the eye and apologize for yesterday made my heart ache, and my mind worry to the point where it was written all over my face.

"Don't worry," Dingira soothed, "he has probably just gone to receive some earthly pleasure. He is a man after all."

Although it was not outside the realm of possibility, it did not sound like Idal not to me.

"Shall I go look for him?" Dingira offered, "I know a few places where he could have gone."

The idea of sending Dingira away from the Zigurat as well frightened me, but what choice did I have? With a nod, she smiled at me and told me not to worry, despite knowing that I would. How could I not worry when there was this aching in my heart and this unrest brewing in the city?