Enheduanna: The First Author - Wattys Winner 2021

31. Banishment

That little strength Dingira had given me quickly evaporated once we were out in the desert. Even at the break of dawn, the sun was already beating down on us, malevolently. All other forms of life had already taken shelter from the merciless rays and if we didn't do the same soon, we would be swallowed to a sandy grave.

I recalled the time I rode from Akkad. Father and mother leading our group, Idal joking by my side. But I had not enjoyed that moment as I should have. I was too busy cursing the heat to enjoy anything I had at that moment; my parents, Idal.

I sighed as I recalled that I was complaining about the fact that we were riding on horses instead of a carriage or boat. Now, the skin on my feet blistered in the coarse sand, sweat seeping through my shawl and fringed skirt, and I wasn't even the one covered in cuts and bruises.

Stripping the drenched shawl off my torso, I walked up to Dingira to place it over her shoulders. Her eyes were filled with glee as I reached her, focused on something in the distance with childlike excitement. As I followed her gaze, I felt the same rush of relief was over me. A cave, a place where we could hide.

As soon as we reached the cave, we collapsed upon the cool sand, refraining from moving until the steam off our bodies had emanated. With the heath not dominating all of my thoughts, I strategized what had to be done now.

I dared not turn north onto the cities of Uruk or Nippur. Those would no doubt turn us over to Lugal-ane, in turn, for his protection against the Akkadian army. Or maybe even just to get in his good graces. There was nothing but sea to the south, so that was no option either. We did not have horses or donkeys to bring us east to Lagash, and even if we somehow managed to get them, who was to say Lugal-ushumgal would even protect us. He was Sumerian as well, and if the last rumors were correct, Rimush had just attacked Lagash, so no doubt my good relations had festered like open sores in the people's minds.

"Where to Anna?" Dingira's words barely registered as anything else than a distant sound. Even her touch felt cold on my skin. "Enheduanna?"

"To Akkad, I must reach my brothers." I concluded. Even though the journey was long, and we had to walk the whole way, I didn't have any other option. I just prayed that the news reached Rimush or Manishtushu sooner and we would come across them on the way. Before any of the Sumerian troops came across us.

"Are you crazy? Lugal-ane will have your head on a spike before you can reach the city gates."

"And you think he won't hurt the other priestesses? You saw what he did to those people. To Kituzda. The others won't stand a chance."

"Who cares about them!" Dingira's eyes were filled with tears of desperation. "I beg of you, don't go towards Akkad, nor Kish or any cities. Just because Lugal-ane couldn't kill you in your own temple, doesn't mean he won't try in any other way." She got down on her knees, clenching the fabric of my flailed skirt between her fingers. "Please, my love. Let them be. Forget the temple, the nobles, the jealous priestesses, forget it all. We can be free now, go wherever we the wind takes us." Dingira said.

I shook away the idea. "I can't. I am their high priestess. I must protect them all."

"Who cares? They didn't protect you. They let you give up your position without a fight. If we run, at least you'll live."

I hang my head in shame. How could I ask those people to fight for me when they had been fighting just to stay alive? Paralyzed by fear and shock. They were as scared as I was.

"I don't call a life on the run living. We'll be shadows in this life, and non-existing in the next. It will be as if my words were never spoken." I said, staring down at the dagger and knife in my hands.

Dingira covered the weapons with her hands, slowly prying them loose from my grip. "This might be the end for Enheduanna, but it's not your end. We can live together, just as we always dreamed."

Is this what I dreamed? A life with Dingira by my side sounded heavenly. Waking up each day to her face lying next to me. Sharing each sundown, each dawn together. Writing our story.

A story that no one will ever read.

While the people I swore to protect continuously suffer. Melancholy clouded the dream as my greatest fear returned to steal away the air in my lunges. Forgotten, a wisp, like all those priestesses who came before me. Like my mother. Beautiful, loving queen that she was. Whose name was buried with her body, and not even her own sons mourned her at her funeral.

"I can't let it go. My writings are mine, but I created them for the world. I am the priestess Enheduanna, and I won't be forgotten."

Amber eyes shifted over my features with an icy gaze. "So, you will die for a few clay tablets?"

"If it means they will carry my name. I can't abandon them. My hymns are my life, but they are nothing without the people of Ur. I am nothing without them."

"You were a princess before Ur!"

"I was a child," I yelled back, "A shell of expectations, and foolish dreams. Ur gave me purpose. My writings gave me a voice. They carry a piece of my soul. They are my children, the only children I will ever have."

"They are clay! What will you have of me? Am I not enough?"

My emotions bled onto my face. Fear, regret, anger and desperation mixing into my skin. "Don't make me choose."

"Understood. I'll make that choice for you, my great lady."

"No," I cried, a moment too late. With a pull, Dingira was free of my grip. Another swish, and she was out of the cave, swallowed by the blinding sunlight. I screamed her name, tears blurring my vision, but a response never came. She left and took my heart with her.