Enheduanna: The First Author - Wattys Winner 2021

9. A Princess By Any Other Name

Lying here, in this foreign land with hostile people, sleep quickly became a fleeting chore. I wrestled with the thoughts of my future and the memories of Akkad. Beautiful, peaceful Akkad. Where my room was light, with guards at my door every hour of the day, I used to feel trapped there, like a bird in a cage. Here there was nothing but darkness surrounding me. I was all alone, with nothing but the sound of my breathing keeping me company.

Oh, how I long to be safely back within my gilded cage.

Momentarily, I ponder whether or not I could ask Idal to stand guard at my door. Father ordered him to protect me, after all.

The door swung open just moments after I made my decision. Kituzda and Shula entered with four other priestesses; all dressed in white. I felt the urge to run, escape, hide until my eyes found mother's warm smile. Her umber hair and golden skin, illuminated by the rising sun, gave her the appearance of a goddess among mortals. "My child, you look tired. Have you slept at all?"

"I have," I lied a bit too quickly. Mother shook her head, wanting to say something only to be cut off by Kituzda. "The purification rights of En-ship are prepared. We must hasten if we are to arrive there before the sun has risen too high," she uttered, pushing me impatiently out the door, but the queen blocked her way. "No daughter of Sargon takes orders from any priest."

"Forgive me, queen Tashlultum. But after today, she will no longer be the daughter of Sargon. If Nanna finds her worthy, she will be the earthly embodiment of his wife, Ningal."

"Watch your tongue, priestess. Nanna found her worthy. He chose my daughter out of all the women in the land."

"He chose her, yes. But tonight, he makes his final choice known."

Stepping between the two women felt like stepping between a snake and a tiger. "What will happen tonight?"

The smile on Kituzda's lips send shivers down my spine. "Tonight, the sacred marriage will be performed."

For a moment and my eyes took in more light than I thought possible, every part of me paused while my thoughts caught up. Married. That was the price of my freedom. I was to be married to a god. After a wash in the cold basin, I stepped from the shadows of date palms, feeling the new warmth of the day. Mother placed a hand on my shoulder, "It'll be okay, have faith." Before I could respond, she stepped aside, giving way for two priestesses to put scented oils on every part of my skin, until it shone like honey. The priestess known as Shula took place behind me, combing my hair with great care. "You have the most beautiful hair, princess. It reminds me of the cedar trees that grew around my village in the mountains."

"You are not from Summer?"

"Oh no, I was born in the mountains of Nuzi."

"Nuzi, that's even further away than Akkad. How did you end up here in Ur?"

"The same way you ended up here. We were brought here by Nanna."

A voice inside me begged to tell her the truth. To tell her that I wanted to come here in some foolish attempt at freedom. Ever since I stepped foot here in Ur, it felt like there was a big black hole, somewhere deep inside my soul, swallowing all my hopes and dreams - leaving me with nothing. Nothing but fears and doubts. My empty burning lungs and my heart hit my chest so hard I thought it could break my ribs and rip apart my skin.

Nanna had chosen me; I kept repeating to myself with each step I took. However, the mantra sounded less convincing each time. We arrived at the Ziggurat, rising high above the city. A staircase ran directly up the front of this solid masonry. Steps that only priests were allowed to climb. Each step brought us closer to the heavens, closer to Nanna. Beats of sweat rolled down my back by the time we were about halfway up. Still, I kept my pace constant. Even with my fears clawing at my skin, and the sun beating down on my back, my pride was too strong to let Kituzda or any of the other priestesses see my flaws.

There was a spacious temple on the topmost tower, its walls lined with lapis lazuli glazed tiles displaying the stars. Winged bulls guarded the door to the innermost sanctum. Inside stood a couch of unusual size, richly adorned, with a golden table by its side. Unlike all the other temples, there was no statue of any kind set up here. Nor was the chamber occupied by any knights. There only was a single hole in the ceiling and a clay tablet in the middle of the room.

"Welcome to the house of the great light," Kituzda announced, forming a circle around the scroll with the other priestesses flanking her on both sides. "The purification rights of En-ship are prepared. In Ur the dwelling of your earthly wife has been established," she called out to the sky, her words echoing around the room before her eyes met mine. "Approach." I stepped forward. My heart is hammering but kept my gait casual without a hint of hesitation. On closer inspection, it became clear that the clay tablet was made up of several tablets, all filled with the cuneiform script from top to bottom.

"The stars indicate conflict between noble thoughts and simple trivial pearls of wisdom," a pruney priestess voiced.

"Between intellectual doubts and religious beliefs," another added. Kituzda nodded. "It means the black moon is rising. Defiance and denial are strong with this one." My gaze shot up in surprise. Were they talking about me? I couldn't deny I had been deviant, but how could they tell that? Had it been written in the stars? Did they know my secrets?

"Still," Shula swallowed, "venus reigns supreme throughout it all. The Queen of Heaven gives security and love."

"Or she will receive it," Kituzda countered.

My heart twisted and sunk with nerves as the silence pressed on. After what felt like an eternity, Kituzda spoke up. "Well, there is only one title that befits all the lord of wisdom has given us." The pale palms of her hands reached out to me, "Rise, great lady. From this day until your last day, you shall be known as Enheduanna."

Placing my hands in hers, I slowly rose to my full height. "En-he-duanna," I repeated, tasting each syllable as if it were honey, "that means Ornament of Heaven, right?"

"Yes. I bet you wish you kept your own name by now, don't you?" Kit sneered.

What was in a name? My name did not defy me as a person, nor did it defy my action. The sun, by any other name, will shine just as brightly. The night will remain just as dark. Still, humans found power in their names - it was a source of their pride. But a name is something that is simply given to us at birth. As babies, we have yet to prove ourselves worthy of a name that means "she who protects the poor." It was more likely that the child grew up feeling entitled with such a name, becoming arrogant rather than humble.

A title, on the other hand, was earned by the carrier. Their spirit and devotion to the gods had earned them a name worthy of their deeds. Ornament of Heaven might be meant to be an insult, but I did not see it as such. This title was the first thing I had earned, all by myself.

Let Kituzda and the other priestesses sniffle as they call me Enheduanna. I shall carry this title with the utmost pride.