Mending A Broken Heart (bxb)

Chapter 3

The feeling of unworthiness was eating Dylan inside. Even in his sleep, he couldn't stop thinking about how meaningless and stupid he felt for being not moving on from his last relationship.

The exact scene of their breakup was replaying in his dream. He shivered as he was reminded of the hateful words his ex spewed at him and the way he was shoved around like he meant nothing to him.

"You're nothing but a fuck to me," Dylan heard his former lover say.

He felt his breathing falter, and at this point, he didn't know if he was dreaming or not anymore. Suddenly, he was shaken awake and he gasped to clear his windpipe so he could suck in some air through his lungs. He stared at his shaking hands, before looking to the side to see the concerned look on his boyfriends face.

"Dylan, are you okay?" Jordan asked as he ran his hands along Dylan's back.

Dylan felt miserable. He stared blankly at the wall in front of him and then turned to face his boyfriend, "Yeah, I'm fine. It was just a bad dream."

Jordan knew this wasn't just a bad dream as it wasn't the first time Dylan had woke up like this, "Dylan, do you want to talk about it?"

Dylan shook his head and removed the bed covers from his overheating body, "No, I'm fine," Dylan felt stupid that his breakup with his ex was still getting to him, and he didn't want to admit that to Jordan.

Jordan scoffed. He knew Dylan was lying to him, but he didn't want to push him too far. "Babe, you know you can tell me anything, right? You don't have to bottle it inside,"

Dylan, still in his flustered state, nodded his head as a response. He felt completely out of his body at the moment, like he was watching himself from the outside. He ran his hands through his hair and tried to focus on a certain object to calm himself down. Even when he concentrated on the pencil holder on Jordan's desk he couldn't stop the thoughts that were making themselves evident in his head.

You don't deserve Jordan

You can't even tell him you love him

You will never get over the way your ex treated you

you will never be able to love again

His fists clenched around the bed covers and he closed his eyes hoping that the voice in his head would just stop.

"Can I touch you?" Jordan had asked. He learned to consider if Dylan wanted to be touched in situations like these.

When Dylan nodded in response, Jordan pulled his boyfriend close and moved his hand across his arm slowly and comfortingly. "It's okay, babe. I'm right here."

At the sound of his boyfriend's voice, Dylan had focused on his breathing. He inhaled slowly and deeply through his nose and then exhaled slowly through his mouth. When he reached a calm state, he opened his eyes to see his boyfriend next to his side.

Jordan pulled back the stray hairs that were covering Dylan's eyes and then caressed his boyfriends face. He moved his thumb slowly across his boyfriend's cheek and he leaned closer to place a chaste kiss on his lips. "I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere."

Dylan let out a breath of air, "I'm sorry."

Jordan hushed his boyfriend softly, "There's nothing to be sorry for. Listen, whatever you're going through, we're going to get through it together."

Dylan nodded. Even with his boyfriends comforting words and actions he still felt embarrassed that he got so worked up about his ex. It wasn't just his ex that triggered him, it was the breakup and how he was treated. It was the way that he had been so oblivious to his ex's manipulative behavior because he assumed that he loved him. He assumed that the over jealous and obsessive behavior was a sign of love. He assumed that the scratch marks on his wrists from his ex holding him too tight after he had gotten mad was just his ex being too scared to let him go.

He hated thinking about this over and over again. He hated putting Jordan in the position to deal with all his anxiety and PTSD from that horrible relationship.

Sometimes, Dylan just wanted to be a different person for a day. He wanted to be the perfect boyfriend for Jordan and proclaim his love to him like it didn't even matter. He wanted to be a better friend to Jeremy and Cara and stop pushing them away when things got hard. He just wanted to be normal for a change.

"How about we go for a walk at the park and after that, we can go to the Ice Cream Cafe you've always liked," Jordan let out softly.

Dylan admired how thoughtful his boyfriend was with everything he was dealing with, that he wanted to do something for him for a change. He shook his head, "How about you teach me how to play basketball like you've always wanted to."

Jordan chuckled, "You really want me to teach you?"

"Don't make me change my mind," Dylan laughed as he moved so he was straddling on Jordan's waist.

Jordan moved close and placed his fingers underneaths Dylan's chin, pulling his face forward so he could kiss him. Jordan didn't want this to go any further, but with his boyfriend straddled on his waist and both their naked chests on display from sleeping, he didn't know how much longer he could keep from getting hard.

Luckily, Dylan was the one to pull away from the kiss, "All of this kissing is making me forget my offer about playing basketball."

Jordan chuckled, "Something makes me believe that it was your plan all along."

Dylan rolled his eyes jokingly. He really wanted to do something special for his boyfriend so he held his arm and pulled him up. "I actually really want you to teach me, come on."

On the basketball court, Jordan had shown Dylan how to dribble the ball confidently while running. Jordan demonstrated how he shot the ball around the hoop and made the ball skim the edge of the hoop before going in.

"Alright Jordan, I thought this was about teaching me, not about showing off your basketball skills," Dylan laughed.

Jordan smirked as he snaked his arm around his boyfriend's waist. He held Dylan's arm above his head and aimed it towards the hoop. Then with the force igniting from his arm, he shot the basketball into the hoop, "and that's how you do it."

Dylan caught the ball from under the hoop and returned to his position in front of his target. "Let me try on my own."

He placed his arm above his head and placed one hand on the side of the ball and the other beneath it. Then with a swift movement he shot the ball into the hoop, and he watched it swivel around the rim before going in.

Dylan gasped at his accomplishment, "Babe, I did it! I did it!"

Dylan felt so happy about his shot that he jumped on Jordan and embraced him in a hug. Jordan couldn't help but smile at how happy Dylan had gotten shooting his first basketball and it going through the hoop. "What can I say, I'm just that good of a teacher."

Dylan rolled his eyes and patted Jordan's cheek softly, "Don't get ahead of yourself."

Seeing how close they were, Jordan placed a small kiss on Dylan's lips. "I love you."

Dylan instantly shuddered at the sound of those three words. Instantly his whole demeanor changed. He backed away from Jordan, but he managed to surface a smile on his face so he wouldn't look too mortified.

Jordan stepped forward in fright of Dylan's instant change in demeanor, "Babe, are you okay?"

Dylan nodded, "Yeah, of course, I am." In an effort to get past the uncomfortable feeling in his chest, Dylan pressed his lips onto Jordan's.

He wanted to feel Jordan's love, instead of him just saying it. He wanted to feel Jordan melt in his arms every time they kissed. He wanted to feel the way Jordan had always snaked his arm around his waist every time Calum had showed up to peruse him. He wanted to feel the way Jordan loved him enough to take it slow with him on every aspect of their relationship.

He wanted to feel all the physical aspects of love to know for sure that Jordan truly loved him.