Mending A Broken Heart (bxb)

Chapter 8

Dylan had felt numb for the next couple of days.

He felt like he was watching himself from outside his body, and he grew to hate everything about himself. Even when Jordan had tried to cheer him up by going on another car date by the interstate under the sunset, Dylan had felt like a lost cause.

Nothing could fix him.

Jordan had raised the volume on the song that played next and looked over at his boyfriend with a smile, "Come on, this is your favorite!"

Dylan had let out a small smile, but even then he had looked out the window unbothered by the song playing.

Driving home from their car date, Dylan had slumped in his bed and soon after, Jordan followed him. Jordan hated seeing his boyfriend in the mental state that he was in. He wanted to help but at times he didn't know-how. He didn't want to push too far but he didn't want to sit back and let the destructive thoughts consumed Dylan.

Jordan had wrapped his arm around his boyfriend's waist, "Is this okay?"

Dylan nodded his head slowly as a response.

Dylan had started thinking about the position he was in. He hated having this constant feeling of unworthiness. That feeling that made him feel like he was slowly eating himself up and it wouldn't stop unless he just ended it all. That same feeling that felt like he was a ticking bomb waiting for a sudden movement or a certain person to just make him explode.

"Did you take your pills today?" Jordan had asked breaking the train of thoughts in Dylan's mind. Dylan's mother had encouraged Jordan to remind Dylan about taking his pills, as she could never encourage him to take them herself.

Dylan had rolled his eyes, "Yes Jordan, I have."

Sensing the attitude from Dylan's voice, Jordan had sighed, "I only asked because I care about you and I want you to feel better."

Suddenly Dylan had felt bad. Not just about his attitude, but about dragging Jordan in this mess in the first place, "I'm sorry," he scoffed, "I'm sorry for everything."

Jordan pulled himself upwards to look at Dylan's face clearly, "What?"

Dylan gulped, "Look, I'm sorry for dragging you into my mess. I know I'm a lot to handle, I get it."

Jordan crinkled his eyebrows and let out a scoff, "What is that supposed to mean?"

Dylan stood up from his lying position and shook his head. For some reason, he had felt like this was the sanest he had felt in the past couple of days. "I don't know, Jordan. Sometimes, when I'm in bed alone at night I just have this undesirable feeling that maybe we're not good for each other, -

"What? What are you talking about?" Jordan had interrupted Dylan before he could continue. He had this uncomfortable feeling in his stomach and he hated where the conversation was heading to.

Dylan pursed his lips, "No, you listen to me. I hate dragging you along for all of my stupid panic attacks. I hate forcing you to deal with my trauma. It's not fair to you at all," Dylan reached over to hold his boyfriend's hand, "I'm not okay and it's not your responsibility to fix me, Jordan."

Jordan stared at their hands and confusingly looked back at his boyfriend, "Dylan, we've always been a team. This isn't some three-month relationship trial, I'm in this for the long haul."

Dylan ran his fingers through his hair and then held his head, "I'm not good for you Jordan. The sooner you realize that the easier it will be to move on."

Jordan scoffed and he raised his arms, "Where the hell is this coming from? Don't you realize that I love you... and I know you find that hard to believe but I love you so much that I would do anything for you."