Misunderstood Miracles

Under Outside Forces

Before the Christmas tree and the impending disaster, he had told her that he didn’t want a child. Over Shakespeare. That had been weeks ago, but Mairi still dreamed of it every night and woke with a looming feeling of dread, breathlessness rattling in her chest.

That day, morning had just graced the world. She had been curled in the tattered settee she had found on a stranger’s sidewalk and taken home. Hamlet lay open on her lap. Her feet, clad in pink and yellow socks, were crossed over each other. She was dying her hair platinum and bleach was needling her scalp, burning the back of her ears and neck.

Kennan walked right up to her, casting shadows on the pages of her book. There was a pregnancy test pinched between his fingers. He was holding it like he would a snake, as if it contained poison and not good news. Was it good news? “What is this?”

“Did you read it?”

“Yes.” He said. Glared at her. “What does this mean, now? Where does this leave us?”

“It is what it is,” Mairi said, “I didn’t think you’d be happy about it, but you don’t have to look so surprised.”

“I’m eighteen! You’re eighteen! This wasn’t – I didn’t – this isn’t part of the plan. Never was, Mairi. I’m a more than surprised. I’m –”

Mairi felt the bleach sinking into her brain. Her head was on fire. Between her temples, her pulse was a hammer of iron and steel. She knew what he thought. What this meant. “Don’t say appalled.”

“– disappointed,” he said. “This is asinine.”

“This is life.”

“Well, then.” Kennan set the test on the arm of the settee. He was looking over her shoulder. At the wall. The blank, empty, blue-flowered wall, so idyllic in contrast to the conversation. “Don’t expect me to be happy about it.”

Mairi sank down against a pillow. Hamlet was open to her favorite scene, but she couldn’t read. Tears blurred her gaze. She heard nothing but emptiness, cold and dissatisfied, from Kennan, and she knew then – any step she took from there would be the wrong one. A bridge had been crossed, and even as she stood on the other side wishing for safety, the support system was going up in flames.