How To Not Life

1st Bully

There was this one guy who joined our school in 4th grade. For some reason, he took an immediate disliking to me. He always pulled on my hair. He called me names. Every time he saw me he always had to say something about how ugly I was or how fat I was. 

It got to a point where I would stop going to lunch in the cafeteria and instead ate lunch outside by the lake or in the library anything to get further away from him.

This went on for years. Finally in 6th grade I went to the counselor at the school crying. I couldn't take it anymore. I told her I didn't want the school to get involved but I needed help.

She told me by having this reaction I was letting him win. The only way to beat a bully is to stand up for yourself and show them you know they are just lying. 

I tried to put her words into action but it was hard. I knew his words were true. I knew I was ugly. I knew I was fat. He didn't need to remind me of my life. I could look in the mirror and know that. 

One day after he said something gruesome to me (basically telling me to go kill myself) I asked him what I ever did to him. I was generally confused and at this point curious how a Middle schooler could hate someone so much. He didn't have an answer for me. He looked confused. 

I then smiled at him and told him, "I hope you figure it out." 

Honestly, after all this boy did to me I couldn't hate him. In that moment everything made sense. I knew more about him than he did. I wasn't the real target. Something was going on in his life. I would never know what that was and he probably didn't know either. But something was going on since he felt the need to lash out. I knew he needed to vent and I became his punching bag. For years it went on and I almost felt sorry for him. How long has he been struggling with whatever is going on?

After that confrontation we never spoke again. He was never able to look me in the eye until Sophomore Year of High school where he told me he was happy for me. I think he finally realized his problems and solved them. I hope he has a good life now. He left my school after Sophomore year and I never heard of him again.