|Falling for Octavia|

Toilets are fun

It's been three weeks. Three weeks without any form of contact from Darian. And if i'm being completely honest, i was hurt. I mean not crazily but everything about him confused me and pulled me apart.

I knew that he was a bad person, i'm not stupid. I'm really not. Yet, for some reason when i was around him and he was treating me good. It felt so good and the connection was so intense. But he was crazy. I can't deny that. My mind was in constant battles about what to do with the whole situation. He has probably seen so much and it has fucked him up, I mean i don't know the half of his story. All i know is the rumours i'm told and that he carried a strap and sold drugs.

Another feeling that was radiating within me, was the feeling of pure regret. I've never been the type to go upstairs in a party with a random boy, and i didn't want to be that type. I just wanted freedom and to feel like me again.

Recently i'd just been feeling like a mixture of my ex and Darian. That's all there was, i'd felt like nothing about me was me.

"You're taking forever in there babe. Are you taking a fat shit?"

Well i definitely forgot i was sitting in the bathroom at school with eve on the other side of the door waiting for me to join her at lunch. Can you believe Darian hadnt been in school in three weeks.

Wait no that's a lie, one time he was in. I had passed him in the corridor and he didn't even look at me. Not even a peep. I was staring at him to, my eyes looking n love struck. He'd probably moved on already. I wasn't even sure if he had emotions, let alone any feelings for me.

Maybe that's the end of our twisted love affair. And what do i have to show for it? Two kisses, being screamed at, an uneaten pizza and red marks around my neck. Not really what i was expecting, but then again everything i was expecting.

It's like i barely knew him, but i knew everything that he was about. Darian. What a lovely name. Not as lovely as his stupid face. Although his face wasn't lovely when he was spitting out insults at me.

"Ok you've definitely died in there. Death by toilet, didn't think that's how you would go out!" Eve sarcastically yells out.

"Let me not lie Eve, i'm having a midlife crisis in here and i really just want to sit on this toilet and deep my life. Go to lunch, i'll catch up with you in a little." I return.

"Say no more love."

Her footsteps fade away as she leaves the bathroom and i sit there for a minute or two longer, climbing deep into my head thinking of everything that had been going on recently. So much had happened in such a short amount of time. Don't even get me started on Immanuel, that was a whole different ball game.

Ariyane has decided that he was not to be mentioned within our household. And that we had to move on and completely forg et about his existence. So that's what we had been doing.

After a few minutes, i left the cubicle and washed my hands, deciding to try sneak out and go home. It just really wasn't my day today, luckily the christmas holidays were coming up. Three weeks of no school, more time to stay at home and stay in my head thinking.

It was easy to sneak out, it always was. See my school had a back entrance, with a teacher standing there sometimes so that the younger years wouldn't leave. However right now it was completely empty and i rushed out. Feeling like the bad b that i am.

I decided to walk hone, no point getting the bus. So i plugged in my ear phones and played music.

However, just as i passed the turning of Old Fort and Connecticut, i was interrupted by the beeping of a car. At first i had thought it was to somebody else, but after it went on for a while I turned around to be greeted by a car. The driver being someone i did not want to see.

"Toffee, please get in."

I took my earphones out and walked towards the car.

"You're not allowed to call me that. I'm not your sister anymore and that was your choice."

"Just hear me out, i'm so sorry. i'm so deeply sorry. From my heart." He pleaded, but i couldn't make eye contact with him. It felt like a betrayal to everything that Ariyane had sacrificed for me over the years.

"You're nothing to me. You're a drug dealer, an ex druggie and a father of two. I'm in the prime of my life, im a great person with a future ahead of me. A future that wasn't given to Ariyane, a future she possibly could have had if you would have stepped up like any other older brother. But the one time we needed you, you disappeared. Even though WE were there for YOU when you needed us, every time you were sweating on the floor or crying after a bad comedown." I breathed deeply, holding the tears back. He did not deserve to see me cry.

"Toff-"

"Stop." I cut him off. "You are going to miss out now on so much of my life. And you're the one with the fucked up life begging for us now, and we aren't going to help you. Not now. Not ever. Take care brother."

I plugged my ear phones in and played the music, walking away without so much as looking back.

And i didn't care.