𝑘𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑚𝑒 𝑠𝑜𝑓𝑡𝑙𝑦 • ⚣ (ᴍ.ᴘ 𝘅 ᴋ.ᴄ)

011 - ʟᴇᴀᴅ ᴍᴇ

kairi ran as fast as he could, looking back occasionally. the up hill run was not good for him but he didn't care. everyone was looking for mattia and kairi was the only one who knew where he was. the stairway to heaven. he stopped at the top of hill when he saw mattias car parked off to the side. he huffed. putting his hands on his knees and taking long deep breaths.

the farther he went up the harder it got to breathe. he took one last, long, deep breathe before walking over to mattias car. when he looked his inside, he saw a sleeping mattia with a blanket wrapped around him in the backseat. he knocked on the window until he saw mattia shifted and fell into the small area between the backseat and front seats.

he let out a small giggle as mattia rubbed his eyes and looked at the window. those same  eyes widened. he unlocked the car and opened the door. "listen, everyone is looking for you. your mom said she called you over a million times but you never answered. taylor had a mental breakdown because, she thought you, uh, killed yourself and your mom was about to call the cops but i said knew where you were." kairi spoke fast but slow enough for mattia to understand. he rubbed his temples.

"get in the car." mattia said to kairi whilst he crawled into the drivers seat. kairi closed the door and opened the passenger side to get in. he sat and quickly closed the door. mattia sighed and turned the car to get onto the trail.

the boys sat in a mix of awkward and comfortable silence. their past interaction lingered in the air. the good and bad ones. mattia sighed. he felt and looked like shit while kairi, on the other hand, was doing fine. the fight with mattia made him focus on himself more. his bonds with other people had grown and his grades went up. he felt amazing. the boy sitting next him felt the opposite. his grades were slipping and his bonds with everyone he knew were slipping up too. he had more affected by the fight than kairi was and that was evident.

mattia picked up his phone from a cupholder and called his mom. "hey ma," he said with a tired voice. "Sí lo siento." kairi noticed how when mattia spoke spanish or italian, his voice got deeper. he loved that about him. kairi loved a lot of things about mattia. he could never tell him that.

he would never feel the same way.

"nunca más. lo prometo." mattia spoke again. he looked almost annoyed. "si entiendo. te veo en casa." mattia looked down at his phone before hanging up. "she's gonna rip me a new one." mattia said as if he was the only one in the car. he rubbed his temples again. he looked like a stressed out middle age man working a dead end job. kairi wanted to laugh at the joke but it was not the time. whatsoever. "want me to bring you home?" mattia said looking over at kairi when they stopped at a light.

"uh, no. taylor is at your house." kairi said like he confused about something. mattia noticed it but didn't pay attention to it.

"why?" mattia asked as they got closer to his house.

"she was worried." the whole conversation was awkward as fuck and both of the boys were glad when mattia pulled into the driveway. kairi was the first to get out. mattia dragged his fingers through his hair.

be strong. be strong for mom. just for a bit longer. it'll be over soon.

mattia pulled his key out of the ignition. there was barely any gas in his car and that stressed him out even more. he got out of the car and as soon as he closed it, the door to his house swung up and his mom went running out. mattia walked forward a small bit before the two collided. mattias mother hugged him as tightly as she could. then she slapped him in the head.

mattia was expecting it to happen, so when it it did, he barely flinched. "are you okay, pa?" his mother asked. mattia just frown and she got the memo. she grabbed his hand and lead him inside where all of his friends were waiting. taylor was the first to look up. when he saw him her legs moved before he brain could. as soon as there bodies came into contact with each other taylor hugged him as tight as she could.

"don't do that, ever again. you hear me." taylors voice shook as she spoke. it broke mattias heart. mattia just hugged taylor and closed his eyes. he needed all these hugs he was getting. he just wasn't getting them from the right person.

he took a deep breath as taylor pulled away from him. "sorry," he mumbled. "i just, i- i wanted to be alone for awhile and i didn't think anyone would notice i was gone. i'm sorry." mattia felt like he was gonna cry again. that's how he fell asleep the night before and the night before that. oh, and the night before that. he had spent weeks crying himself to sleep because that was the only time he could cry. he was hurting and he refused to let anyone know because he felt like a burden.

mattia felt his eyes start to sting and he quickly looked down. hot tears streamed heavily from his eyes. he just stood there, sobbing. even in a room filled with people who loved him.

he felt so alone.

a/n: HEY GUYS. when i woke up this morning i went to finish this chapter and i realized i hit 11 fucking k. i am so goddamn grateful for every single one of the those reads. thank you so much. i will never stop leaving these long as paragraphs at the end either because i literally cannot thank you enough. i went up 2k in a matter of DAYS and that just makes my brain hurt but i am so fucking happy. thank you for enjoying whateva the fuck this is. i love you sweethearts. n e ways,, mattias youtube was funny and he said hes gonna be reading fanfics next and istg 😭 i will unpublish i'm not even gon cap 💀 n e ways,,,,,, i love y'all HAVE AN AMAZING day/night!! wash ur hands and stay 6 feet apart.

- el 🤍

❝ 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐞, 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐩 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝗼 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭, 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐞, 𝐢'𝗺 𝐧𝗼𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐠𝗼𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤. ❞