a/n: i just wanted to say i love the chapter name 😭 N E WAYSSS,, enjoy 🤍
two weeks later
x
mattia sat on his bed with his arm behind his head. he was barely paying attention to his phone as he scrolled through it. all he could think about was the day he went "missing". ever since then, his mom didn't let him go anywhere without calling her first. it was kind of annoying but he had gotten used to it.
mattia grabbed the remote for his led lights and changed the color from blue to red. the hue of the dark color calmed him down, it made him feel tired almost.
"mattia?" mattia's head shot up. he didn't understand how he didn't hear anyone come into his room.
mattia just stared. he knew exactly who it was.
kairi.
he swore this had happened before and then he remembered, that fucking nightmare. mattia still wanted to make kairi proud and when he told himself it would be over soon, it meant it.
"what are you doing here?" mattia asked. they hadn't spoken since the drive back to mattias two week prior. at first, kairi didn't say anything. that made mattia think he was dreaming or hallucinating again. he hadn't gotten drunk though— maybe i fell asleep and now i'm lucid dreaming?
"i don't want this to happen again; i can't have it happen again. the first time was horrible and now it's happening again. maybe i am better off dead." mattia blurted out in annoyance. he rubbed his temples. he was fed up with everything.
"th-this isn't a dream, mattia." kairi said in a soft voice, as if he was scared. the small boy started to walk toward the end of mattia's bed. stood there for a second. watching him.
"so, you just came here to watch me? that's what we're doing now? or! or, did you come here to tell me how bad of person i am; tell me that i've "changed" and "nothing will ever be the same" hm?" mattia sat up and ran his fingers through his hair. he gripped toward the end, nearly ripping a patch of hair out of his head.
"mattia, i didn't come here to fight or argue with you." kairi said. mattia glared at him for a second before moving off of his bed. he walked over to kairi. standing in front of him and just looking down at him.
"of course you didn't. you never do. because you're so mature and so much better than me." mattia's voice was low but still somehow extremely aggressive. kairi shook his head.
"no mattia. i wanted to tell you something." kairi said with a shaky voice. mattia crossed his arms. he decided to listen. maybe this was it. maybe he could get kairi back. "i don't wanna-" kairi paused and let out a sigh. he sounded scared out of his mind and he knew he did. kairi was trying his best not to sound scared but he couldn't. he just gave in. "i don't want to be friends with you anymore. being away from you has made me realize who i am and i just don't think i can ever go back. i'm sorry."
mattia felt his eyes start to water. all the energy from his body was drained and he felt like he couldn't breathe. his stomach started to twist and he could've sworn he puked in his mouth.
"get out." mattia retorted. kairi looked up into mattia's eyes and nearly started crying himself.
"bubby-" kairi started but was quickly cut off by a heartbroken mattia.
"DON'T BUBBY ME!" he screamed causing kairi to flinch and back away from him. "all those years. all those memories. all those nights. the tears, the laughter, the pain. you just give up on us?" a single tear crawled down mattia's cheek.
"there was never an 'us' mattia." mattia stared blankly at kairi. he was in disbelief. it wasn't real. it had be to be a dream. he had to be dream. there was no way hell that this was his kairi.
"get the fuck out. don't. come. back." mattia said with a deathly calm tone. kairi turned to leave the basement. when he stopped to turn back to mattia before leaving; mattia blurted something he didn't even realize he was thinking.
"and don't look back."
kairi just nodded before leaving the room. that's when mattia knew he was safe. he dropped to his knees. holding his body as he cried. a rhythm formed as he bounced, his silent sobs filling the room.
he couldn't take it anymore. kairi's words replayed in his head like a broken record.
i just don't think i could ever back.
i just don't think i could ever go back.
i just don't think i could ever go back.
i just don't think i could ever go back.
mattia violently slapped and grind the palm of his hand into the side of his head.
"stop, i don't wanna- make them stop. MAKE THE VOICES STOP!" he screamed out into the silence of his cold bedroom. he was really alone. now more than ever. he couldn't do it anymore. mattia had to leave a message. for the people who cared.
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liked by kaispremium and 7207 others hey guys, its mattia. imma be taking a break. idk how long it's gonna last but i do know it's not gonna be short. at all. everything feels wrong and horrible right now and maybe i deserve to feel that way. post this or send it to tea pages if u want i could care less. i just want the real ones here to know that i'm not at my best and i don't think i ever will be. i lost everything and i'm never getting it back. see ya.
username: 🥺 feel better
username: we love u!!!
username: take some time for ur self. you need it. gl.
a/n: YO IM SO SORRY LMAOOOO i didn't really want this book to be the basic "fight to make up to dating" type of booking because if i'm being honest real life is not like that whatsoever. btw KAIRI STILL HAS FEELINGS FOR MATTIA. but more abt that next chapter. THANK YOU SM FOR 13K BTW. i'm sorry i take so long to get chapters out, it took me a minute to write this cause i had so much fucking hw 😭 also, this book is not OVER!! we got a long ways to go though 💀 i still love the chapter name N E WAYZZZ,,,,, drink water, stay 6ft apart AND wash yo mfing hands. ilyu babies
