The Brokenhearted [Ongoing]

Chapter 11

We pulled into Roxanne's driveway at 2:30 in the morning after a brief night of clubbing. I never could get used to the fact that clubs and bars closed at such an absurd hour in Manila. Back in New York we only made our way out close to midnight!

"So did you have fun?" She asked

"It was alright, good to see old faces and all you know."

"Well, what did you think of Dianne? Cute right?"

"I don't know, I don't really know her." By now Roxanne knew that was my polite way of saying I wasn't interested.

"But why, Chad? She's really don't want to get into this."

She agreed and headed straight in to the immaculately clean kitchen. Following her in, I noticed everything had its own place. In the middle stood a large island with a smooth, black granite top that matched the kitchen counters and cupboards. In contrast, the floor was a white marble as were the leather sears on the stool.

"Black and white kitchen, ey? I think you take your Michael Jackson obsession a bit too far, Roxanne."

"Very funny! So, how are you holding up? You seem alright," she said as she brewed the Barako coffee.

"It hasn't been easy," I sighed. "It gets really hard at night, you know. Sometimes I escape and don't think about it, but the smallest things can just trigger all the sadness."

"I know, honey, I know. You know it just takes time. I promise everything is going to be okay. She didn't deserve you and I know one day you will find someone who will give you everything you ever dreamed of."

"You know, I hate it when people say that. How do you know?." Irritated, I felt my brow furrow. "How do you know everything is going to be okay? I mean how can you be certain? You don't know. Sure I'll get over her, but what in the world makes you think one day I'll be swimming in an ocean of joy?" Drops of saliva flew across the air with my seething response.

"Don't get upset. You are a great guy with a lot to give. It's only a matter of time. I know, in my heart..."

"What about you?" I interrupted. "You're a great girl, Roxanne, with a lot to give, but here you are."

Roxanne looked down at her mug as she stirred the coffee silently. The picture perfect kitchen was soundless for the next few minutes. I felt terrible for snapping at her and what I had said, but I couldn't take it back. Roxanne had often shared her dreams of having a family, being a loving wife and mother with me and I knew she too carried a great deal of sorrow. She too had cried on my shoulder hoping one day she would find the answers to her questions.

"You know what's screwed up?" I asked softly.

"What?"

"People's perception of romance," I stated. "Philippine Dramas and Hollywood skew our image of romance, love and relationship. It's never how it's portrayed on the silver screen and most of us figure that out the hard way. There are some people who can make stuff like that happen, but they are far and few in between."

"Well, what do you want, Chad?" She asked still jaded.

"I want the passion, the desire, the magic. I know it can happen and I know I can make it happen. I can even tell you the things I did for sophia..."

"No, please don't," interrupted Roxanne. "Last time you told me what you did for your girlfriends, you almost brought me to tears, I don't want to know, please!"