I love you, Goodbye

F O R T Y~O N E

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING!!!!⚠️
ra**

It's the day the guys leave. I didn't want to see them go, I knew I'd be sad. I haven't seen Anthony since he left. He hasn't come back. I checked the time and saw that it was almost 12pm, the guys leave at 1pm so I should probably start heading to the airport because it's an hour long drive. I wanted to wait for Anthony to make sure he was okay because I was worried, but I have to go see my guys off. I stood up and slipped on my slides. I pulled on a sweatshirt and got ready to leave.

Corbyn brought his car over for me to use. You know, while I stayed in LA. Anthony burst into the room, stumbling over his own feet. I looked at him. "Hey sexy, you *hiccup* you-you come here often?" He slurred. "Anthony, are you..? Are you drunk?" I looked at him confused. Who the fuck gets like this when they're drunk? He's movie drunk right now. I've never seen this in real life. This is sad. "I am *hiccup* not f...f-ffucking dunk" he pointed an angry finger at me.

I rolled my eyes and grabbed my keys and phone. I turned to leave. "W-where are you you going?" Anthony asked. "The guys leave today, I'm going to say goodbye" I sighed. "What? Oh c-come on, I just fucking got here, at least spend some *hiccup* time with me" he pouted. "I'll be back in an hour" I didn't feel like dealing with this right now. "You're not going anywhere" Anthony glared. I looked at him. "I'm gonna go say bye to my best friends?" I questioned. "You only wanna go so you can see Zach" he rolled his eyes.

I stared at him. "What?" I looked at him confused. "I know you're in love with him" Anthony rolled his eyes. "Has he been in your pants too? The rest of the guys probably joined in too right?" He asked. I couldn't comprehend what he was saying. "Have they!?" He yelled. "What? No, Anthony" I stared at the stranger in front of me. This is not Anthony. This guys annoying. There was a pause. "Fine, then I'll take you" he shrugged.

"You're drunk, Anthony, you can't drive" I shook my head. "Then you drive, but I'm coming" he shrugged. I sighed and grabbed his keys. We both left the house and walked over to his car, getting in. I started the car and Anthony looked at me. "What?" I asked. "Come here" Anthony smirked. He kissed me and I could practically taste the alcohol in his breath. "Okay, that's enough" I awkwardly laughed and pulled away. He kissed me again and held my head there. Oh God. I started getting flashbacks.

I fought until his hand and lips were off of mine. "Anthony, get off of me" I tried being nice and tried gently pushing him off. He yanked me into the passengers seat and got on top of me. He started kissing up and down my neck. "Anthony, get off!" I raised my voice and started pushing him harder. He didn't budge. I used all my strength but he wasn't moving. I started panicking. "GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME!" I yelled. I shoved him and he still didn't move. He ripped open my top and ripped open my bottoms.

I began crying loudly. I let out a scream but Anthony covered my mouth. He gripped my arms tightly. I'm guessing you know what happens next. Would you look at that, I got r**** just yesterday 4 years ago. I just laid there, emotionless, tears streaming down my face but no noise coming out. "Why are you so fucking dry?" He laughed. He tried flipping over so I would be on top but I shoved him off and into the drivers seat. That royally pissed him off. "FINE! GO BE WITH THEM THEN YOU PSYCHO BITCH!" Anthony yelled as I ran out of the car.

The guys came running out as I got into Corbyn's car. I pulled off just as Bryce and Jaden came running outside. I sped off down the street and drove to the airport in silence. I was covered in bruises. Then I got a call from Jonah. I remembered my clothes had gotten ripped. I quickly grabbed a sweatshirt from the backseat and threw it on. I answered and tried to clear the mascara and tears from my face. "Hey, are you still coming?" Jonah asked as his face popped up on the screen.

"Yeah, I'm on my way now" I smiled. "Okay well we'll be by the Starbucks inside when you get here" he smiled. "Alright, see you soon bestie" I smiled. "See ya" he smiled and hung up. It was quiet. Everything felt wrong. I hate the silence. The cold silence. I need music. Something to fill the lack of sound. I turned on the radio and the first song that came on was the guys newest song, 8 letters.

They've written and produced so many songs since I met them. I smiled excitedly and sang the lyrics. This is the first time their song has been on the radio and I don't think they even know. So I called Corbyn. Corbyn's face popped up and I turned up the radio. At first, he was confused, then realization hit. I continued mouthing the lyrics while Corbyn ran over to the guys and they all freaked out. Zach's part came up. I thought it would make me sad but instead, I felt proud. That's my best friend.

I may not be his but he's still my best friend. All the guys and I vibed on FaceTime until the song ended. "Yo that's crazy!" Corbyn smiled excitedly. "I know! I turned the radio on and heard it and I was just like "I've gotta call the guys" " I laughed. "Okay hurry up and get here so I can hug you" Corbyn ordered. "I'm a few minutes away" I lied. "Yay! Ok hurry" he hung up. I stepped on the gas. I eventually made it with 10 minutes to spare. I grabbed a pair of sweatpants and put them on.

I had stopped crying earlier in the drive. I kind of felt numb. It was too quiet. No matter how loud I turned up the radio, it couldn't fill the lasting silence. I somehow managed to drown out the music and I hated it but I felt like I couldn't do anything. I made sure none of the bruises were noticeable. Especially not the ones on my neck, they're the worst. I walked into the airport and looked around for Starbucks.

I saw it on the second floor and ran to the escalators. I ran up them because they were taking too long. I ran over to Starbucks and looked around. I saw the guys on the other side, sitting. Who do I hug first? I ran over to Jonah and almost tackled him. At first, he seemed confused. "It's me dummy" my voice was muffled. I heard him gasp and throw his arms around me tightly. I laughed into his shirt. But then, it felt uncomfortable. Like I didn't want him touching me. I tried shaking it off as we pulled away, then I hugged Corbyn, then Daniel, then Jack.

I was extremely uncomfortable at this point. They're touch felt...wrong. I hated it. But I shook it off because these are my guys and they would never hurt me. But I thought the same about Anthony...no, you can't think like that. I looked over at Zach and he sat there awkwardly, it seemed like he was waiting for someone while trying not to look at me. I stood there with my arms crossed. He finally looked at me. I opened my arms. He seemed standoff-ish. "Come on, you know you want to" I started to smile. I saw a smile starting to creep on to his face.

He sighed and rolled his eyes while smiling and walking over to me. He embraced me in his arms and I felt relief. I've missed his hugs. "I missed you" I sighed. "I missed you too" he sounded relieved. "I couldn't let you leave thinking I was mad at you" I looked up at him. "I didn't think you were mad at me. I thought you hated me" he admitted. "I tried, I tried really hard, but I couldn't do it" I shook my head. "It was physically impossible for me to hate you, no matter how badly I wanted to, I couldn't. I thought you hated me" I looked at him.

"I could never hate you. I have my reasons as to why I'm with Kay, I just can't tell you yet" Zach sighed. "As long as you know what you're doing, I don't care, just make sure you're making the right decision" I nodded. "I am" Zach nodded. I held my pinky out. "Promise?" I asked. "Pinky" he wrapped his pinky around mine. He leaned down, touching his forehead to mine. I have my best friend back. Everything was suppose to be okay after that, but it wasn't.

The one thing I didn't want to admit throughout our whole conversation is that, his touch felt wrong too. If not, almost the most wrong. I kept trying to ignore the feelings I was feeling and my thoughts going "get off get off get offffff" but it was all just completely and utterly wrong. "Um, excuse you!" Kay snapped. "Get off my man" she glared at me. I opened my eyes and looked at Zach. He gave me that look. I sighed and nodded. I decided not to say anything to her. I just wrapped my arms around Daniel and Corbyn's arms and we walked towards their gate.

Once we got there, I was giving everyone goodbye hugs. Then I heard a smacking sound. We all turned our heads and saw Zach and Kay making out. It's time to be a bitch. I walked over and put my hand on her forehead, pushing her off of him. Zach tried not to laugh as I hugged him. He wrapped his arms around me. Kay attempted to hit me but Zach kept blocking her. "Why are you defending her!?" Kay squeaked. "Because, if a fight breaks out then you'll both be kicked out" Zach replied.

Kay huffed. "I love you" I whispered. "I love you too" Zach smiled. "Forever?" I held my pinky out again. "Always" Zach wrapped his pinky around mine. He held on to me for a minute longer. Then they had to go. We did one last group hug before they walked through the gate. I smiled, waving them off. I turned to walk past Kay when she stopped me. "Why aren't you crying? That was sad?" She looked at me confused. "I have no tears left to give" I shrugged.