Didn't See It Coming

Chapter Thirty-three

Chapter thirty-four: the problems with psychology.

I stared at the door for what felt like 500 years before I finally brought my hand up to tap gently at the wood, soon after a pair of syrup like eyes met mine, with her pitch black hair tucked into a bun and a Guns And Roses jersey basically swallowing her tiny form.

Jordyn leaned against the door frame, crossing her arms over her chest.

There were many things I wanted to say.

I wanted to tell her how much I hurt and that I hated myself.

I wanted to tell her about every last problem that was itching at my mind but I chose to go with the simplest sentence, a sentence that I'd never dear to utter to anyone whom I know.

Not even myself.

"Jordyn, I'm not okay." I said and she nodded her lips pressed into a thin line,
"I figured." She said tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear,
"Care to tell me why your not okay?" She asked and I nodded as she ushered me into her dorm, about the same size as most and with two completely polar sides.

One side was bright and colourful  as well as messy and the other only had two colours black and red, the darker side was ordered perfectly and the only exception to the dark theme was the LGBTQ+ flag that hung over the bed.

She ushered me over to the dark side and sat on the bed placing the notes that previously took up most of the bed into a file and onto a small shelf, then picking up a mug of coffee.

"Have a seat." She said and I sat down,
"Now Arianna, why are you not okay?" She asked and I brushed back my hair,
"I saw Zack  and Tyler together and I broke I don't  know what came over me, I just started crying and trust me crying definitely isn't my thing. I mean I know he's in love with Tyler,but does that little fact really stop my heart from banging against my rib cage  whenever we're together? Am I a bad person though?"

Jordyn sipped her coffee nodding then placing the mug on her nightstand,
"No your definitely not a bad person, your just really bad at controlling your emotions."

My eyebrows furrowed as confusion washed over my mind in an almost hypnotic haze, exactly how am I bad at controlling them when I've managed to lock them away for this long without any casualties?
......
Besides my violent behaviour.

She arched an eyebrow at my expression,
"Don't look so bewildered, do you really consider holding back the way you feel healthy?" She asked and I nodded immediately, knowing that there was no possible way that I was wrong.

"Yes, because  emotions have switches that we can switch on or off, I kept mine off for the longest time and nothing like this had happened." She chuckled lightly,
"If you'd  switched on that switch sooner, you'd be with Zack right now." She said bluntly sipping on her coffee then putting it back down,
"What do you mean?" She pinched the bridge of her nose, looking me in the eye,
"Do you know what I hate about doing psychology?" She asked,
"What do you hate?" I asked and she let out a heavy breath.

"Everyone brings their problems to me, be it a classmate or a family member...or a desperate boy wondering why he wants to date his best friend who shoved him into the friendzone."

I brushed back my hair,
"If Zack liked me why didn't he tell me?" She sighed,
"Arianna Sedio you are a genius with cars, DC, Marvel and Soccer but an idiot when it comes to emotions, how did you not see how he held onto you and his willingness to go outside with a freaking hangover just become he misses you, Arianna he has a ginormous crush on you." She said and I bit my lip hard, her points made sense but the loose thread still stood proud,
"Why is he still with Tyler then?" Jordyn froze her jaw dropped and she placed her hands on her head,
"God, this child needs prayers." She said repeatedly, her whole act hadn't really answered my overall question though.

"What the hell are you trying to convey here?" I asked and she regained composure,
"Tyler broke up with Zack  last night." She said and if these words were a bullets they'd  have killed me then brought me back to life all in one go.
"Why?" Jordyn pouted,
"Well...you see...there was this video that went around, Michael filmed you and Zack leaving a room and looking pretty suspicious, so Tyler and Zack faught then had a long ass talk and finally broke up." I froze for a good ten seconds.

They weren't together.

This was a complete three sixty, I could walk over and tell Zack how I felt and he'd love me back and we'd be together.

But...

Would that be the right thing to do? He just got hurt and for a fact I know he loved Tyler and only ever liked me...sexually not emotionally so when we had sex he wasn't thinking with his heart he was thinking with his dick.

Running into his arms like you would in a freaking rom-com wouldn't really guarantee that he'd love me back and though there is our friendship as a base that base could be shattered if this step was ever taken.

So Zack and Tyler  breaking up isn't really an okay for me to swoop in...

The okay might never even make an appearance.

The facts all lead to one inevitable conclusion any way I put it.

With our friendship as a base there is no way in hell that  we can be together without ramming a sledge hammer into the base.

"Arianna are you okay?" She asked and I nodded,
"Yeah I'm fine,thanks for the talk but I'm headed home." Jordyn nodded getting up to unlock the door.

I left her building and embarked on my walk home.