Sleeper in the Valley

7.

**TRIGGER WARNING IN COMMENTS**

"No, no, no, no, NO!" I gasp, rapidly swinging from stunned disbelief to sheer, unbridled hysteria.

I fall to my knees, clutching the letter and gasping for breath as I silently beg for it to not be true. I cannot see through my tears, thick and blinding; cannot suck enough air into my lungs to scream.

"Nora, what is it?" Dom asks nervously, emerging from the kitchen, Nikki close behind with her namesake resting on her hip. Seeing Nicky's innocent face as I slump on the floor, hunched over my growing stomach, I am crushed by the realisation that Nicky and our unborn child will never know Tom and this knowledge sends me into a fit of sobs that seize my body anew.

"He's gone, he's gone, he's gone!" I scream hoarsely through my tears from the threadbare carpet, clutching at my sides to hold myself together as I rock back and forth, waves of despair crashing over me, drowning me completely in my misery.

I faintly hear Nikki gasp and stumble, sliding down against the wall into a puddle on the floor as she too begins to cry, Nicky wailing in confusion. I know I should take care of my son, hold him tight and reassure him that everything will be alright but all I can do is wail and rock incessantly, cradling my stomach as Nikki clings to my son, her tears soaking his hair as she cries.

Dom is dumbfounded as he takes the crumpled letter in his hands, reading and re-reading it slowly. He wobbles over to sit in Tom's chair, his face blank as he tries to process the news of his eldest sons passing, leaving Nikki and I to sob pitifully on the floor.

The sky is pitch black before Dom pulls himself together and turns on a lamp. Nikki and I have subsided in our hysteria, silently weeping as Tom's face smiles down at us from the photos that adorn the wall. Dom stands and leads us one by one to the couch, before fixing a generous glass of Scotch for himself.

Nicky is grumbling, tired and hungry. But I am in a trance, unable to even move my blouse aside for him to suckle. Dom takes Nicky upstairs to change him, his face a million miles away as he trudges up the stairs. Nikki and I lean against each other, shattered and miserable.

"What am I supposed to do now?" I wonder aloud, my voice barely a whisper.

Nikki doesn't reply.

**

Diary of Nora Vivienne Holland

He's gone.

I cannot believe it.

But he's gone.

**

Diary of Nora Vivienne Holland

He promised he would come home.

He promised. And now he's gone.

What am I supposed to do?

How am I supposed to go on?

**

Diary of Nora Vivienne Holland

I have lost the love of my life. And our children have lost their father before they even knew him.

How cruel life is, how utterly, despairingly cruel.

There was so much left that we wanted to do. We were supposed to go travelling, have a big family, buy the farm we always talked about.

We were supposed to grow old together.

And now that is all gone because he is gone.

Forever.

**