since eighth grade. → markiplier

Chapter Thirty-Nine: The Ashes

Chapter Thirty-Nine: Sean & Ashes Talk

Let's just pretend Rhett and Ellie spoke over the phone about the ashes being spread. I couldn't find anywhere to fit it in, okay?

Btw, after Thanksgiving and Christmas, a time skip will come. 

Ellie 

I was still. So still that I could feel my blood pumping through my veins, travelling at an impossible race. Everything was silent, and I was alone. At least, I thought I was. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end, and I have a desire to turn and look behind me, but my body is frozen. I can't control it, I can't move. 

Suddenly, there's is a disruption in the deafening silence. A beam of light cuts down upon me, blades of burning white breaking the darkness and causing my eyes to sting, unable to handle such light after being in the pitch black. A shuffling erupts in front of me, and I glance up from the ground to see a pair of rough sneakers, torn jeans and a baggy jacket. The strong scent of cologne fills my nose, stings my eyes, even. 

I crave to see the face of the person in front of me, but they don't stand close enough for the light to bloom on their face and show me their features. I strain to open my jaws, but, just like the rest of my body, my jaw is locked and frozen.

"Ellie," I hear, and I can feel my eyebrows knit together in a frown. I struggle against the invisible restraints that hold me down, or perfectly still, at least, and find a desperate, irritable urge to lunge forward and throw my arms around the mysterious figure. Their voice was low and raspy, unrecognizable to me. "Ellie, it's me." I hear, and, this time, the voice is as clear and fresh as a raindrop. I immediately know who it is. Tears fill my eyes, some even streaming down my face. I reach out my hand, trying to press it to his cheek. However, I touch nothing. My hand falls straight through, and, along with it, so does Calebs form. He vanishes in ashes that are carried away from the light, away from my vision.

"Caleb?" I murmur, my eyes snapping open. I suddenly feel a dampness on my cheeks, and the warmth of tears gather in my eyes as I realize that it was just a dream. I was so close to seeing him. So close to seeing him just one last time. I would give up anything for another second with Caleb - in hard times, he was my rock, and I was his. I needed him. I missed him so much it hurt. "Nice one, brain." I mutter under my breath, shuffling in Mark's grasp a little. He mumbles something, and clamps his arms tighter around my waist. I sigh tiredly, rubbing my hand under my eyes to remove the tear stains. 

"...Ellie?" Mark says, his voice muffled as his face is snuggled up against my neck. He pulls away gingerly though, raising a hand to paw at his tired eyes. I turn over in his grasp so that I face him, hoping that it is dark enough for my tears to be hidden. I don't think there is any left, anyway. "Oh." Is all he says, and he pulls me closer to him in a hug. I sigh against his touch, resting my hand on his shoulder as I close my eyes again, letting sleep consume me.

***

I've been up for a few hours - I've taken a shower and I've got dressed. Mark, just like every morning, is up cooking breakfast for me. For some reason, though, my unborn child has had a certain craving for milk. Honestly, I've been drinking pints of the stuff. Mark has to keep going out to buy more because, seriously, it's all I've been drinking lately. 

I stand on the balcony, not doing much, as I wait for Mark to be done with cooking breakfast. My phone seems to be buzzing like mad lately, but I haven't found enough time to check it. Well, I guess now is as good a time as ever. Pulling my phone out of my jeans pocket, I expect the screen to be spammed with text messages. However, it's not that. 

Frowning, I unlock my phone. Most of the notifications are from google plus, so, with an irritated sigh, I click on it. It takes me to my YouTube page, and the first thing I notice is the astronomical amount of subscribers. At least, astronomical compared to what it used to be. In the space of two weeks, my channel has shot if from six-hundred thousand subscribers to just under a million. My eyebrows shoot up at the growth, and I instantly begin thinking about what to do for my one-million subscribers special. 

The one idea that refuses to be buried by any others is announcing my pregnancy. I wasn't going to do it if Mark didn't want me to - though I'm sure he would pretty soon. He is really hyped up about this whole 'parent' thing, much more than I. I wonder what Caleb would say if he were here to find out that I was pregnant - with Mark's child. Oh god. That sounds so weird. Mark's child. Mark Fischbach's child. Daughter. Son. Oh my. 

I tell myself to ignore all of these thoughts for a while, and dedicate them to Caleb. All memories that involved him had been buried, way at the back of my mind. However, today was the day that I was going to spread his ashes, and I felt that he deserved all of my respect today. And, to show him that, whether he's watching over me or not, is that all of my thoughts will be dedicated towards him.

I press my hand to my stomach, parting and spreading my fingers as I gaze down at my abdomen. It had started to swell a little, but the small change would only be noticable to myself - I had seen my own body enough to know when there was a difference. What would you say about this, Caleb? Any more smart remarks you want to share with me?

I walk out from the balcony and head to the kitchen, where Mark is setting out the food. It seems that he has caught on that the smell of cooking meat makes me feel even more sick - so he hasn't prepared any this morning. I thank him for that, smiling weakly, as I chew on the food. The flavour is there, but my mind is so clouded and occupied with so many thoughts that I can't taste anything. It's like chewing cardboard, I guess. The food sticks in my throat and I have to swallow a few times before it actually goes down, but I don't care.

***

We stand on a cliff, the sun beating down on us as I nervously clutch the bronze pot of ashes. Caleb hadn't requested anything - you wouldn't have expected him to, he didn't know he was going to die - but I knew that he always loved hiking, so a cliff it was. Rhett is beside me, looking grim and tired, his eyes flicking back and forth from the ashes clasped between my palms to the scenery straight ahead of us.

There are others, like my aunt, or Rhett's mother, and Mark, but they have stepped back to give me and Rhett the space we need. The two of us were especially close with Caleb, and the others felt that they were intruding. However, I wish that Mark was here beside me. A hand to hold onto would really help ease the pain, but I was thankful for the space.

I lifted the lid off of the pot, my shaking hands not able to do much more, and I pass the open pot over to Rhett. The gold ring on his finger clinks against the copper-coloured crockery, causing a small, bell-like sound to break the silence that settles between us. With an empty, emotionless expression, Rhett tips the ashes out, slowly, like water, into the air. The breeze picks up the ashes, carrying them in the direction of the wind. I blink my eyes slowly, finding it difficult to believe that it's, in fact, Caleb being carried away in the wind, not just some meaningless ashes. Soon, the cloud of dark ash is carried so far away that it is no longer visible. And that's when I really know that I'll never see Caleb again.

How is this? I'm not so sure. Please give me feedback, if you don't like it I can always change it :)