all my life i have been struggling with my identity, and now that i've had time to think it over, i think i'm finally getting close to figuring myself out. but for now, i'm just trying on this new identity.
i have changed my account name from niksis17 to -nairobii, since i'm thinking about becoming a trans man. but i'm not sure yet, so i'm just using it as a new nickname until then. if i do become trans, it'll become my actual name, and nicole will be no longer.
i'm just testing things out, since i'm not completely sure about my decision. i haven't told my family, and my high school friends don't know. i want to figure this out for myself before i make any rash decisions.
so until then, call me nairobi, or just keep calling me jojo. niks/nikki will be used to only refer to my character, and not me. nicole will be nonexistent, unless i decide to stay the way i am. again, i'm not choosing to be trans yet, i just want to know how it feels like before actually trying anything.
once again, i am still young, so this all might as well be just a phase. but in the chance that it isn't, i ask you all to please respect my decision. i know most of you will support me, and i am thankful for that, but i ask to help me out once more as i figure out who i truly am.
i'm happy with the nicknames nairobi and jojo, i feel like they suit me better than my birth name. my mother told me that nicole was the only name she had for me, and it suit me for most of my life. but now, i want to choose for myself, especially since time is going fast, and i'll be in my adult life in a couple years. i want to make sure my name suits my identity, and who i really am.
thank you for reading all of this if you did, and i hope you understand the message i am trying to get across. i know this would be a big change from who i normally am, and i get it. but please, i am once again asking for the support i have received ever since i joined wattpad in 2017. all of you have been so amazing to me, it's hard to believe that i can't live without you guys. whenever i leave, i end up coming back to you all.
i know this is a bit early, since my wattpad-iversary is on July 27th, but i want to thank you all for staying with me all this time. through all the changes, and through all the drama and hardships. honestly, i wish i had treated some of you better before i lost you, and those people may never read this chapter at all, and i regret that. i regret not being able to tell them i'm sorry, and that i miss them.
anyway, that's all i have to say. thank you so much for being there for me, and thank you for reading.
- your dear friend, nairobi
