Crossroads

i. corner

i.      c o r n e r

n. place or angle where two edges meet

louisa

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" The question stared at me. It sits on the edge of the essay paper, waiting for it to be replied to. It waits f or either an honest one, or a pass of something to say.

My pen hovers over the outline paper. But it only stops short before the ink touches the blank space. The ink hangs in the edge of it, realizing the words it would write would only be a blot. I only blink at it as my mind began to ponder.

It has been a while where my mouth nor surprisingly my mind- doesn't have anything to say. Or maybe both just speak something differently. Maybe there are opposite answers that would push and pull and just eventually reduce to silence.

It's just an essay, I remind myself. This wasn't much of a big deal to me, considering I'll just think of something to say for a grade. It's not like I'm making a choice now. And it's not as if I need to share it to people right now. Our English teacher just knew how to pick a book to reflect upon even in a first week of senior year. Ugh.

What they want to hear or what I want to?

What they want me to be would match how smart I am and at the end of the day, useful--which is basically a sugarcoat of "high-paying". But while thinking of it, my mind will always wander off to a dream.

I want to be a scientist. I want to shed my sweat and tears on stars. I want to live at least living with what I love to do. There's always this curiosity in me about how science and art is mixed in astronomy and how stars are so small but if we look at it closer, we realized that all miss its untouchable yet undefiable gravity in it.

"Psst, Louisa," I harsh whisper cuts my trance. Looking to my right, Isa's green eyes spoke first but the words were left out hanging in her mouth. Instead, she smiles and looks at my paper before biting her lip sheepishly, "What'd you write there?"

I roll my eyes at her question, familiar with what's she's trying to do, "It's okay, Isa. I'm tired of that trying to be obvious by dumbly not being obvious tactic of yours. Spill."

"Aww, Lou. You know me so well," Isa breaks out her signature closed eye smile as she hugs my arm. I tug it back as she sits back up and stares at the wall, "And you were right. Now, I think I might get a shot on Ashton."

"I told you they would break up," I shake my head, smirking. I try to do scribbles on the paper as I feel narrowed eyes on us. "But I didn't expect it'd be so soon,"

"Yeah, you're right," She lets out a breath before smiling. Again. She tugs at my arm another time, "Though, you have to help me figure ways on how to get closer with him."

"As if. Ask Vienna to do that," I groaned, snatching my arm back. I point my eyes on her dream snatched pair while saying in a matter-of-fact tone, "Also, you should expect me to tell you the same thing with them."

"What? That we'll eventually break up?" Her eyes narrow at me in my peripheral as mine stayed focused on scribbling away. "Gee, you know other friends would just advice to go for it."

I stop short rewinding our conversation in my head. I settle replying, "Too bad you're stuck with me." Turning to look at her, I mirror her usual smile.

---

The bell rang and it rang through my mind as I excuse and pass by the crowd immersed in a sea of conversations as I navigate my way to my locker.