We Found Love

nineteen

In my head, when my father offered to have red velvet cake with me, I would've expected that he'd try and strike up a conversation. 

But, as usual, we revert back to our awkward silence once the cake has been set, and it's making me regret that I said yes.

If he's not even going to talk to me, why did he even ask me to stay? I think to myself, trying to keep a stoic expression on. I glance up at my father who was silently eating, and I put my fork down. "So, why did you ask me to have dessert with you?" I ask.

He looks up and makes eye contact with me, causing me to flinch. "I wanted to formally apologize to you." My father says.

What? My eyes widen slightly and he continues. "I haven't been there for you and you have all this anger towards me, so I hope with this new film you can forgive me and put that all in the past."

I stare at my father, appalled. "Put that all in the past? That's it?" I say. "That's all you have to say to me for the twenty-three years of neglect I had endured from you?"

"Neglect?" He repeats. " Emery, I did not neglect you at all. I gave you a home, food to eat, clothes to wear, I took care of you and I didn't have to!"

I laugh in disbelief and shake my head. "Well, you kind of had to since it's your responsibility as a parent. Did you really think the minimum was enough?" I feel a lump in my throat and I gulp it down, already knowing what's gonna happen.

My father sighs and places his hand over his forehead. "Emery, I didn't ask you to stay just so we can fight. I'm trying to make up with you."

For some reason, despite my father's attempt at an apology, I couldn't bring myself to forgive him. I don't know if I can put all those painful memories in the past that quickly.

"I don't know what you're really trying to do, but I know that this is not an apology." I get up and begin to grab my stuff with my dad walks over to me and grabs my wrist.

"You don't have to forgive me now, but before you go, I just want to give you something." He lets go of me and walks away, leaving me alone in the dining room. I was thinking of leaving without waiting for my father but before I could come up with a decision, he comes back with a floral storage box.

"These were your mother's items before she left."

Before she left?

"Before she left?" I say out loud. "What does that even mean?" I ask, confused. To be honest, I never knew much about my mother since she wasn't in the picture ever since I was born. But to hear she left? Is my dad messing with me?

"Your mother and I divorced while she was pregnant with you. She tried raising you on her own, but in the end, she left you in my care. She wanted me to give you things when you were old enough, but I never had the courage to do so until now."

My father hands me the box and I take it, staring at the box and my legs shaking. This can't be real. My dad wouldn't just dump this life-changing information without any warning, right?

But then again, who am I to know what my father would do?

"When you're ready to talk, I'll be here." 

I look up at my dad and I feel tears well up in my eyes, but I put all my energy into making sure no tears fall down. "That's it? No, 'I wish your mother was here with us right now' or 'I'm sorry for never telling you the truth about our own family'?" I ask.

Before my dad could even respond. I grab my remaining items and storm out of the house and to my car. Without even thinking, I turn on the ignition and just drive, not even caring where I was going. But I knew that I could not stay in that place for one more moment.