Unreadable. Unreachable. Unrequited. | TsukiYama ✓

8

[Yamaguchi]

Tsukishima was avoiding me.
I guess I kind of expected that, though it didn't hurt any less. I'd told him what was bothering me, why wasn't he apologising? Saying he missed me? Hinata had apologised that the plan hadn't worked, but I'd told him it was fine. It really was. I knew it was asking a lot for Tsukishima of all people to beg for my friendship, but it was still a nice thought and a good drive.

Hinata and Kageyama had been there for me, Yachi too. I can't deny I've definitely grown closer to all of them, so much so that in our little walking home group Yachi has actually been walking with us instead of Tsukishima, I didn't know where he went. Her mother usually picked her up from school, but lately she's been asking to take the train, which isn't too far from the direction us three walk.

It doesn't matter though because I'm grateful for any and all help they give me. I've been visiting Shimada more since Tsukishima isn't studying with me and I can say that I'm quite proud of how my float serves are coming along. I'm also getting the hang of receives more, at least I'm doing better than Hinata in that department. I don't take balls to the face like he does, I think I'd cry if that happened-

Anyway!

Kageyama actually offered me some of his milk carton on the way home, which was a sweet gesture and all but once I told him it would be an indirect kiss he quickly took it back and apologised, which made me laugh. It had just been us walking a little behind Hinata and Yachi as they chatted about anything and everything, so there was a moment of just silence before I saw Kageyama walk up to Hinata and offer him some of the milk.

Oh that sly bastard! Hinata, oblivious, accepted and sipped at the milk. Yachi looked like she wanted to say something, probably about what it implied, though upon seeing Kageyama's triumphant yet bewildered expression she must've decided against it.

"Huh- don't drink it all dumbass!"

"Is dumbass the only insult you know?"

"It's a nickname not an insult, dumbass!"

"Bakayama!"

It looked like they were in a fight cut scene in a video game with how they were swinging at eachother and it made both me and Yachi start laughing. Their idiocy was so funny sometimes, especially over dumb little things like milk. Tsukishima would've enjoyed laughing at them if he was here...

Okay, he hadn't been out of my mind once. I can admit to that. I'd noticed over time I tended to just think 'Tsukki this, Tsukki that' about everything and it was a terrible, terrible habit. But I couldn't help it!

Yachi had been given a run-down of what had gone on between us from Hinata, which I was grateful for because I didn't really want to go through it all again. Yachi was amazing at calming people down though and was so relatable and funny, so comfortable to be around. I was studying at her's almost every study session and was there to help stop Hinata and Kageyama from arguing the whole time.

It was... fun. I felt included. I felt wanted... I hadn't felt that with Tsukishima. I had put him up on a pedestal, saw him as how I wanted to see him and not how he actually was.

Tsukishima was... a bitch. He was a salty jerk who, in the end, never actually cared about me. He ignored me and, intentionally or unintentionally I don't know, made me feel like I wasn't worth being around him. Hinata, Kageyama and Yachi made me feel good and warm though, things they say a friend should make you feel like.

Was Tsukishima toxic? I don't know. I wouldn't say so, but that might just be me defending him again. He wasn't manipulative and he wasn't outright abusive, those are traits of a toxic friendship right? I don't know. It's messy and overthinking it makes me sad, so I try not to think about it at all.
Apparently we've got another match against Nekoma soon and I'm looking forward it it as I've been improving my float serves a whole lot.

Now I can proudly call myself the pinch server of Karasuno.

-

Kiyoko had called in sick right before the trip, leaving Tanaka and Nishinoya practically in tears. That meant that I could sit next to Yachi though, which I was relieved about since I didn't want to sit next to Tsukishima. It was a five hour drive and I'd much prefer spending that time sitting with... a friend.

And so that's how me and Yachi sat in front of Hinata and Kageyama, playing hangman with them over the seat... in English. Yachi had come up with the idea as a revision tool since Hinata and Kageyama were so competitive and it drove them to study more. They were actually really good at it

I think I fell asleep for the rest of the journey after we had food, because when I woke up the bus was stopping and Yachi was gently shaking me awake. It was a Friday, we were here over the whole weekend as we intended to play quite a few practise matches before the Spring High playoffs, with Fukurodani being rumoured to join us on one of the days as it was relatively close to where we were staying.

"Yama-kun!" Yachi called, waving to me. The bags had been unloaded onto the side of the road for us to just pick out which one we owned and it seemed Yachi had found mine. I smiled and started heading over to her when I felt my foot get caught under a bag. I toppled over, groaning in pain as my face hit the gravel.

I looked up, blinking in surprise to see Tsukishima staring back down at me with what looked to be concern etched slightly into his features.

"Are you alright?" He asked quietly, offering me a hand, which I took to get up.

"Yeah, sorry Tsukishima."

Silence.
I'd never called him his full surname to his face, not once in my whole life. My surprised expression seemed to mirror his, even a few of our teammates stared in shock.
After a moment I exhaled sharply and nodded to him before turning and hurrying to Yachi, who was equally as surprised as everyone else.

"C'mon Yachi, let's go." I mumbled, forcing a smile on my face as I grabbed my bags as well as hers and started hurrying towards the inn.

I had amazing friends, Yachi had even let me drop the honorific. I was the happiest I'd been since ever when I was around them... but I still missed him.

I missed Tsukishima so much, it hurt.