Unreadable. Unreachable. Unrequited. | TsukiYama ✓

10

[Yamaguchi]

I felt like crap. I was confused and questioning everything all over again and I hated it.

Tsukishima had, every so often, been making quiet conversation with me and I'd instinctively gone back to using his nickname. Yachi's mother had started driving her home again since Yachi needed to study more and all we did was keep her out longer. Hinata and Kageyama stayed behind to train a lot more often to get a complete grip on their freak quick attack and Shimada had to cover for a friend who was sick for the week so he was usually too tired to train me. I said it was fine, because it was. I could practise by myself... except Tsukishima made things so difficult.

"Where are your usual stories?" He murmured, earphones down around his neck and hands in his pockets.

"Oh.. I don't know." I shrugged pathetically in response, not really knowing what I should say. "Nothing interesting has happened to me recently."

"That's never stopped you before. Go on, I'm listening."

He's listening.
He's listening.
He's listening.

Oh my God, he would actually listen to me. This was... amazing. Incredible. I could barely fathom it.
But... I did start babbling. It was stuttery and awkward at first, but soon I did ease into it and I started speaking more fluidly and cohesively. I got lost with my words, rambling on about all the stupid things Hinata, Kageyama and Yachi did.

And then I noticed he'd put his headphones back on. I slowly trailed off, getting no reaction out of him. Even when I fell silent I got nothing.

He's not listening.
He's not listening.
He's not listening.

I'd been played again, God I was such an idiot.

It's amazing how literal months of progress can come crashing down in an instant just from one little thing. I was back to square one, fruitlessly chasing after someone who would never look at me how I looked at them. It hurt so badly. I wanted to cry so badly... but I didn't. I just stopped walking and stared at Tsukishima's back as he walked off. He hadn't even noticed I'd stopped.

Can he not see me? I'm right here! I'm here! Look at me!

As if by some mind-reading ability, Tsukishima stopped. He noticed I wasn't there. He turned around in confusion and looked at me, head tilted in a way I could only describe as endearing. No! I was mad at him! I deserved to be!

"Yamaguchi? What's wrong?" He asked, walking back over to me. "You've been acting off."

"M-Me!? I've been the one acting off?"
I couldn't help it, I started shouting. "Ever since that.. that fucking summer training camp you've been ignoring me! Why the hell do you think I've been spending time with Hinata, Kageyama and Yachi? They listen to me, they care about me and they don't put on their damn headphones whenever I try talking to them!" I was losing my grip, shaking and completely red in the face from anger. But I didn't care, I was finally getting it all out, all my pent-up frustration was finally being told to the person who caused it.

"And not only that, but after I finally find people who, I don't know, actually like me, you decide to confuse me even more by acting all buddy-buddy with me like you used to! What the hell is wrong with you Tsukishima? Who in their right mind thinks it's okay to treat someone like shit and still expect them to follow your every word like a lovesick puppy?"

"I'm not like that anymore okay? I have friends. I feel like they actually want me around and enjoy my company, something I never felt with you." I pushed my finger into his chest harshly, making him step back. "So yeah, go on and run away to your stupid Tokyo friends... I don't care anymore. We aren't friends. I can't even tell if you saw me as one in the first place."

Somewhere along my rant I'd started crying. Not full-on ugly sobs, but my cheeks we're lined with hot tears. I took a deep breath before shoving past him, hurrying home.

I did it.

I told him almost everything. It made me feel a little better but at the same time I already regretted some of the things I said. In the crying heat of the moment I guess I let more things slip than I intended, but I couldn't exactly go back on them now. So I kept moving.

I actually found myself walking to Kageyama's place, so I quickly stopped myself and turned to walk back to my home. Kageyama wouldn't be in yet, he and Hinata were still practising their freak quick. Yachi was off the table too as she was busy studying. Shimada was working...

I ran my fingers through my hair, deciding to just go to our local gym to practise my serves. I really was becoming invested in this sport huh? Oh well, I enjoyed it and practise took my mind off of things.

I arrived at the gym, still carrying my sports bag from school since I never dropped it off at home. I shrugged my Karasuno jacket off with my bag and went onto an empty volleyball court, taking a ball off the rack and bouncing it a few times. I practised some of the more intense serves, mostly trying to get my aim accurate. I was putting all my raw anger at Tsukishima on to these serves, so they became that much harsher. I didn't notice when a group of familiar faces walked in. They walked towards the court I was on and just watched, grins on their faces while I stayed oblivious.

Kids were cruel. Really cruel. They teased you and made fun of you for every little thing you did, belittling and humiliating you if the slightest thing went wrong.
Teenagers though? Much, much crueller. They understood people easier and had better memory, more diverse dictionaries. They knew exactly what to say to break you.

I wouldn't recognise the teenagers that stood at the doorway of the gym upon a first quick glance, but if I got a closer look I'd be able to pick out features I remembered all too vividly.