Unreadable. Unreachable. Unrequited. | TsukiYama ✓

11

[Tsukishima]

Yamaguchi bumped past me roughly, actually catching me a little off-balance as I stared after him. I was in a state of shock after hearing all of that for the second time. Except now it was a whole lot fiercer and held so much more emotion, it actually struck me how much I hurt him.
Damn, for apparently being so smart I was terrible at empathy. I'd had no idea he felt this strongly about what he'd told me the other day. Of course I considered him a friend, I always had and I always would. That's what I told him. I didn't know how to express it, I must've just come off as neglectful and... Oh shit. I was terrible huh? I really was a jerk.

I must've been stood there in shocked silence for a while because I heard Hinata calling my name.
"Tsukishima! What are you doing here, looking like a fish?"

"A fish?"

"Yes a fish! Look at him!"

"Dumbass, Tsukishima isn't a fish! He's a human!"

"It's an expression, Bakayama-!"

"...Yamaguchi." I murmured, taking my glasses off and glaring at the floor. Both heads snapped to me, falling silent as they listened to what I had to say. "Just told me everything."

Silence.

"In our defence, we didn't know how you or the team would take it. You seem pretty mad about it." Kageyama started quietly, glancing to Hinata. "Maybe we shouldn't tell the others?"

"Who cares what that jerk thinks? We can tell whoever we want." Hinata told him confidently. Kageyama nodded quickly, glaring at my harshly and catching me a little off-guard.

"I don't think we're on the same page right now." I spoke slowly, pushing my glasses back up the bridge of my nose. "Yamaguchi told me about how he felt I'd treated him.. again."

The two shared a look of realisation and quickly stepped away from eachother, rubbing their necks and looking aside.
"Right.." Hinata chuckled nervously, then straightened up and glared at me, making me jump slightly at the intensity of his gaze. That was the type of look he only gave in a match.
"What did you say to him?"

"Nothing. He stormed off." I found myself being unable to meet the ginger's eyes for once. Knowing he, Kageyama and Yachi had gotten to close to Yamaguchi, they probably knew everything he yelled at me about... that made me feel ashamed.

"He's told you it before though and you walked off. We saw. We had to comfort him after you did that. You left him crying you asshole." I was surprised to hear Kageyama talk so seriously about something other than volleyball and it only succeeded in making me feel worse.

"I don't even know what I did." I responded numbly. Okay I knew what I'd done to Yamaguchi's feelings, but I didn't know exactly what I'd done to cause them.
"We were just like normal."

"Like normal? Tsukishima, you're starting to sound even stupider than me." Hinata scowled and I could only stare at him in dumbfounded silence.
"You treated Yamaguchi like crap."

"Things were exactly how they normally were-"

"And he didn't want that! Do you not see how idiotic that is? He's supposed to be your friend and you ignore him all the time, you lie to him to go and sneak off with some Nekoma captain and you never take time out of the day to spend time with him! You don't even sound like you like him!"

"Huh?"
Possibly the blandest, most dim-witted response I could've given.

"Yeah! Shocker, friends generally like the feeling of being talked to by a friend they look up to a lot. Yamaguchi adores you, and you basically ignoring him and avoiding him when he shares with you how he feels must've hurt him really badly." Hinata pinched the bridge of his nose. "No, not must've. It did. You made him feel like he didn't deserve to be around you. Do you have any idea how unhealthy that is?"

I really must've really looked like a fish with the way my mouth was hanging open in shock. I could only watch as Kageyama calmed Hinata down and they started walking off. Kageyama glances over his shoulder at me one last time.

"He still does. He tells us he doesn't, but we know he still cares about you. You have to apologise to him or you can forget about ever having a friend as great as him again."
It was amazing really, how Hinata could get Kageyama so fired up that he no longer sounded so awkward when he talked.

I could do nothing but watch as they walked off, leaving me alone again. Like I had been for a while without Yamaguchi.

I started walking down the street back home, lost in my thoughts. Of course I saw Yamaguchi as my friend and if I had to dumb it down, he was definitely my best friend. He'd been there for me through everything and understood more about me than I think I did myself. I wasn't very good at sappy emotions like love, in any form, but if Yamaguchi had really really been hurt by how I'd treated him, I knew I had to be sappy just this once.

I wasn't that stupid. I knew friends like Yamaguchi were very hard to find and very easy to lose. As much as I didn't want to admit it, I needed him.

'And he needed you. Look what you did.' That annoying pest of a voice rang in my ear. I gritted my teeth and pushed my way into my house, heading to my room quietly.

Why had I avoided Yamaguchi when he'd admitted everything to me the first time round? ...I don't know. I felt awkward around him and wanted to give him some space? I honestly can't explain it. I used the time to reflect mostly and had tried being a little nicer around him, but that only seemed to give the opposite effect to what I wanted.

Doesn't matter. Gotta fix this.
I sat on my bed and pulled up my phone, finding pages and pages of ideas on how to win him back from Google. I didn't realise how very desperate I was until it was two in the morning and I still had no ideas. I dropped my head in my hands, letting my phone slip onto the bed. Was friendship supposed to be this difficult?

Ah wait... I sat up, rubbing my eyes as an idea came into my head. They probably wouldn't help, I hadn't talked to them in a while but...

What did I have to lose?