The Mistress of the Fire Lord

Chapter 07 - Midnight Visit

I cried my eyes out when I was finally alone in my quarters. I knew nothing would be the same after that kiss. It might have destroyed everything. Now, probably I would be turned down and go back home in shame. There would be no more space for me there. But his kiss was so good and passionate, and that made me sigh.
And it was this way, alternating between sighing and crying that I had my tea alone - for the first time in weeks.
I also had not been requested for dinner. My worries had gone stronger, and I had trouble sleeping.
On the next day, I noticed by the light on my window that I overslept. I hadn't been requested by breakfast either.
I spent a lonely day on my quarters, laying on my bed feeling sorry of myself. Where was my mind into? Falling for the Fire Lord! And KISSING him! That was beyond indiscretion. I had feared letting a sigh escape, or maybe not being able to hold an adoring look, I hardly ever dared to fantasise about kissing him!
I should be happy, I thought. But I knew nothing  would ever be the same, and it scared me. The crush I had in him had come to evolve into something way bigger, he had come to evolve into a deep feeling and a huge admiration for him. Besides, I truly appreciated his company. Having it taken from me would hurt.
I felt that emptiness eating me alive, so, to distract myself, after hardly eating my dinner, I bathed, trying to become one with water and thus relax.
More calm after some bending exercises, I thought I would manage to sleep - and I was about to fall asleep when I heard a knock in my door and saw the light from a candle coming from underneath it.
-- Oh, no -- I didn't know what that meant, but it could not be good. I rushed to get a peignoir and opened the door…
… To see the Fire Lord himself, holding a flame on the palm of his hand and looking uncertain about something.
I bowed.
-- My Lord…
-- Please, stand up. I should be the one bowing -- said him, right before a bow, leaving me shocked -- I came to apologise. May I come in?
I cleared the space for him to enter and saw when he lit one of my candles and closed the door.
-- It was not fair what I did to you. I tried to leave you alone, but…
-- Are you going to ask me to leave? - I interrupted, wanting it to end quickly and the closest to painless I'd have.
-- Do you want to leave? - he asked me back.
-- No -- I answered sincerely, holding his gaze and keeping my chin high, trying to maintain some dignity.
-- Then I won't. -- I felt my limbs becoming limp in relief, and he continued -- I came here to say something, but I don't think I should. I'd better leave.
-- Don't… -- I let scape before I could shut up.
-- You -- concluded him, turning around to face me again, looking confused -- don't want me to leave?
-- Oh… I just… -- words were my thing, but I couldn't find the right ones -- I'm not supposed to tell my Lord what to do. I am sorry. -- I concluded, lowering my head.
-- You don't want me to leave -- he repeated, more to himself, it seemed. -- Karima -- he said my name, without the title he usually uses -- I am sorry for kissing you. It was inappropriate. I have to be honest with you -- I was staring at him with a blank expression at the moment -- I can't stop thinking about you. For a while. You have been slipping through my thoughts since the day I saw you at the training grounds, and I didn't know what to do when I had the possibility of having you so close to me. I thought I could hold myself, but… I couldn't. I would understand if you wanted to leave now.
It took me a few seconds to absorb everything I've heard. It was overwhelming. When I saw him looking expectantly at me, I stood up to face him evenly.
-- I don't want to leave. I want to stay.
It could be my opportunity to tell him how I felt, but it could make things even weirder.
-- I have to leave now.
I nodded. Then, I extended my hand to open the door, but he didn't move. We were so close. I looked at him, and our eyes locked.