The Mistress of the Fire Lord

Chapter 21 - Temptation

I would have lunch with the Fire Lord this day, so I was soon bathed and ready. My old stuff was already moved to my new quarters, beside his wife's. I was already dressed and ready when I decided to breathe and take some time before actually going to meet him. How were things going to be? I was scared of that empty gaze, I didn't want to see that again. But I also knew it would be wrong to expect him to look at me with those warm, loving eyes, the way he used to look at me in my old quarters, while he embraced me in my bed.

I made some breathing exercises, and soon I was already on my way to lunch. When I arrived there, he and Nerui were already waiting for me.

-- Fire Lord -- I complimented, bowing, and after, I nodded to Nerui. 

-- Please have a seat -- I sat. It would be the cold approach, then. I could live with that. I guess. -- How's she? 

-- I'm not going to lie. It's not good. If I arrived earlier, it would have been easier to treat, but the disease is way advanced. I will do my best. 

-- Please, do. She's my best friend.

There was the friend talk again. He seemed sincere, though. I could hear how tired he was, and could see, now that I looked better at his face, that he hasn't been sleeping. 

-- I will -- I said while being served. Nerui was silent all the time. -- I promise. 

-- I've never seen you make a promise before. -- he let it slip, and, as soon as he realised he had spoken too much, he slammed his mouth shut.

-- It's because I take promises seriously -- I answered naturally. -- You have my word. 

He didn't answer. The lunch was uncomfortably silent, when Nerui finished and excused himself. It was just me and him. 

I just couldn't hold myself:

-- Are you mad at me? -- I asked out of the blue. -- Do you hate me now? 

-- Why? For leaving me? For sending me away when I went after you? For letting years passing without a single piece of news? Or for showing up totally out of the blue when I thought I was healed!? -- he hissed. 

My eyes opened wide and I looked around, but no one else was there but me and him. 

-- I am sorry… -- was all I could mutter at the shock. 

-- I missed you! I missed you every single day. -- oh, boy, he wouldn't stop talking now… -- I tried to live my life normally, but you just left an emptiness that nothing - nothing - would fill. So yes, I am mad at you, and I wish I could hate you, but unfortunately I can't. 

My eyes were watery, but I held myself together.

-- I missed you, too. You were my first thought when I woke up, but soon I knew you were far away from me. -- I stood up and got close to him, who also stood up and met my gaze -- But I don't regret my decision. If I hadn't gone back to the Water Tribe, I wouldn't have learned the advanced healing techniques I have learned, and I wouldn't be able to return and save your wife's life. 

Reminding myself that he had a wife was good way of keeping myself under control. He got dangerously close to me, but both seemed strangely serious. 

-- There would always be other healers.

I got closer.

-- And I would still be here, right? Available to you on your whims, acting with discretion in order to not be caught, always looking over my shoulder… 

He got even closer, and we were almost kissing then, but I was so enthralled by the moment that I didn't want to turn away from him. 

-- Yes, you would. And I would also do everything on my control to make you happy, I would have given you anything.

-- Anything but what I wanted.

-- But I would have given you love… 

Our eyes closed, our lips brushed against each other, when I heard footsteps that broke our trance. I rushed to my place and was mid sitting when I saw Nerui, who was, as usual, really discreet.

-- I am sorry for leaving, my Lord -- he said to the Fire Lord, while looking at me wide eyed, showing that he understood that something had happened.