The Mistress of the Fire Lord

Chapter 12 - The Locked Door

Someone knocked a few hours later.

-- Go away -- I scolded from my bed, not even bothering to open my eyes.

-- But Karima, it's your breakfast -- I jumped out of my blanket and slowly reached to the door. -- Karima? Are you feeling well? What happened to you?

-- I... I fell from the bed during the night, and I am not feeling well today. -- I lied terribly, but it was all I could come up with on the fly, as I was so busy drowning in self pity that I forgot I needed a justification to hide the incident from the dawn.

-- Poor thing -- she finally said after hesitating. She didn't believe me, but wouldn't show it. -- You should rest. I'll make sure no one bothers you today.

-- Thank you.

Then, the handmaiden left.

I spent the whole day at my quarters, meditating, bending, or crying like a baby. Nerui's words "never forget your place" echoed in my head. What did I expect? He did exactly what he was expected to do, but it was not enough for me.

I slept with my door locked again.

The next day I said I still wasn't feeling well, being consumed by an overwhelming headache, and it had been exactly like the previous one.

Once again, I slept with my door locked.

On the third day after the incident I couldn't come up with more excuses. I didn't want people to think I was actually sick and start tending for me, I would feel even more guilty.

I had to be brave and face him again.

I woke up to the news I had been requested for breakfast, which meant I had to get ready quickly to be waiting for the Fire Lord before he showed up.

When he arrived, I did my best to look straight into his eyes until he sat in front of me.

-- Your presence is an honor, my Lord. -- I said, keeping protocol.

He have always had this unspoken rule that we would never share any intimacy during the day, being discreet and saving our desire and intimate talks for our nightly encounters. That's why I got so startled when he replied casually:

-- Your door was locked last night. -- it was not a question, nor a simple affirmation. I could hear in the subtleties of his tone that he wanted an explanation.

-- Yes. -- was all I offered to him.

-- Why? -- he pressed.

-- My Lord, I must remind you that this conversation is not appropriate for the moment. -- I replied while casually picked a strawberry from the tray.

-- Please -- he grabbed my wrist. -- Let's talk about what happened.

I just looked coldly at his hand on my wrist and, when he realised my stare, he released me. Finally free, I took a bite of the strawberry before posing my question:

-- Just to talk?

-- If that's your wish, yes.

-- My door will be unlocked this time, then.

The rest of the day was a little awkward, but I managed it graciously, doing my job as it was supposed to be done. I was requested to have lunch with the Fire Lord, his wife and her personal entertainer. That was the weirdest part of the day, and I was relieved when it was over.

That night, he came to me, and I was already sitting on my bed, waiting for him.

-- Karima.

-- My Lord.

I raised to meet him eye to eye. He held my gaze, then sighed.

-- I understand that you are upset...

-- I am not. -- I cut him in the middle of the sentence, defensively.

-- You... Aren't?

-- I am not silly, my Lord, and I won't forget my place -- said I, bowing -- I am your current plaything, a hobby that keeps your life more interesting before you go back to your obligations. I am not important, and it just took me too long to understand that.

-- Karima... -- He tried to say, but he had to listen to everything.

-- But I don't want that. I want to be important. I want to be loved. I deserve to be loved. And you can't offer me that. And that's why my door has been locked.

-- But I love you! - he whispered harshly, as if he wanted to hold a scream.

I froze. He used the time of my hesitation to continue speaking:

-- You are important to me. You mean the world to me! Don't you see I was trying to protect you? If I hadn't intervened you'd be killed. You'd be dead! And how would I be able to live knowing I caused your death, the death of the woman I love?

I didn't know I was feeling. Part of me wanted to go straight to his arms, but part of me was outraged and didn't want to believe him.

That's why, instead of telling him I also loved him - which was true - I just retorted:

-- But it's to her arms that you return every morning. It's beside her that you wake up.

-- I can't just abandon my wife. I made a promise to not leave her, and I can't break it. I can't be like my father. But I don't love her, not this way. I respect and cherish her as a good friend, but nothing else. You're the only one I love, and I don't want to lose you.

I have to confess I was shaken by his words. How could I expect to react to that? I was so certain of what I wanted, but seeing this powerful and authoritative man looking so fragile and helpless melted my heart.

-- I love you too. -- I regretted these words as soon as I said them, but there was nothing else I could do, then. Both have said it for the first time, and there was power in those words.

He answered me by kissing me, and I had no inner strength to resist.