The Mistress of the Fire Lord

Chapter 24 - Promises

Despite my last encounter with Zuko, we didn't meet in my quarters again. I think we agreed without talking that it was more inappropriate than it used to be. Besides, I have grown to respect his wife and didn't want to do it to her.

However, whenever we met, I could see that the cold wall between us had melted, and our affection was clear when we were alone with Nerui - for we never got alone together again, mostly for fear of what we could do when alone. It somehow reminded me of my hosting days, for we could spent lots of our free time talking, the three of us. Sometimes we would talk about his wife's health, sometimes about lighter subjects. In other times, I would just play with Izumi, who was actually pretty adorable.

Most of the time, however, I stayed by his wife's side, doing what I could to save her life - and failing. I have mostly resigned myself that I could only give her the most comfortable ending she could have.

It was weird, and I didn't know how I was supposed to feel. Zuko would be finally be free, but on the other hand I was genuinely sad for her being about to die. She was a good person and a devoted mother. And she definitely was a fighter, clinging to life with all her strength. It just wasn't fair. I knew it was bigger than my desires, so I really kept doing my best to save her. Had I arrived before the disease evolved so much, I probably would have been able to heal her. And that actually made it hurt even more.
That's why I was not surprised when she called me to her room late at night.

-- Yes, milady. Do you need anything?

It was clear she did. He breathing was coming harder, and she was coughing more than usual.

-- I will prepare another eucalyptus inhalation for you.

-- No -- she managed to say --, call my husband, please.

She started being nicer to me on these last days, but the use of please was new for me. As I couldn't leave her alone in that state, I found a servant and asked him to call the Fire Lord. I knew what was coming, but I proceeded to prepare her inhalation anyways.

-- I don't think it's gonna work.

I looked at her with understanding eyes, and replied:

-- It's going to make you feel more comfortable.

She comprehended, and just waited in silence.

When he arrived, she was feeling a little better, inhaling the scented vapours.

-- I should leave you two alone -- I said, moving to the exit.

-- No. I want you to stay. I need to talk to you both. It's important.

She started coughing. Zuko went to hold her hand while I was standing by her nightstand.

-- I think I'm not going to make it to tomorrow. So it's not time for lies anymore. Zuko, did you use to have a mistress?

-- I did -- He replied after a short hesitation. I was shocked by his honesty, and I already knew what was coming when she turned to me and asked.

-- Was it you? -- she continued without missing a beat.

-- Yes -- I answered. She opened a sad smile.

-- I knew it. I wasn't insane. Do you love her?

He looked down. So did I.

-- Answer me. -- she pressed -- Do you love her?

-- I do. I am sorry. -- he couldn't manage to look her in the eyes, but to be honest, neither could I.

-- We don't you choose these things, do we? I spent my last years wanting to be loved by you, but I never had a chance. You didn't love me when we got married because you couldn't forget that Mai, and then you couldn't learn to love me because you fell in love with with your hostess. -- she started coughing again, staining her tissue red.

I started tending to her, when she grabbed my wrist.

-- Why did you take care of me? Why did you bother to try to save my life?

I sighed. Then I answered honestly:

-- I owed you that. For hurting you.

-- For sleeping with my husband -- she said drily without letting go of my wrist.

-- Yes. -- I sighed again.

-- You still owe me. I want you to promise me something.

-- What do you need? -- I was scared of what was coming, but I did have the obligation of at least listening to what she had to say.

-- I want you to take care of Izumi. Zuko told me she likes "the woman who takes care of mommy", and I saw you are good at taking care of people.

-- But… I said I would go back to the Water Village…
-- You owe me that. I want my child to be taken care of. Promise me that.
She started coughing badly again, and her voice was extremely weaker, she seemed desperate. I had no choice.
-- I do -- I finally said. -- I will take care of her.
Then, she finally relaxed and, with a relieved smile, gave her last breath.