Aeleva; The Viking Saxon

Chapter 9

As I opened my eyes the next morning, I was greeted with a pounding headache. I groaned and buried my head in the pillow. My bed was so comfy and the furs were better than normal. I must have fallen asleep with the leathers again because one was over my waist restricting me to the bed. I went to move it but was shocked to find it was a hand. Then all the memories of last night came crashing back to me.

I shot up in bed. And I was completely naked. I looked down next to me and saw Hagen was also in the same situation. Unable to keep the blush that was creeping up my neck, I jumped out of bed and searched for my clothes.

"What's wrong?" Hagen said drearily, still half asleep.

I turned to look at him. My eyes full of shame and regret for what I had done. He sat up at my emotion filled gaze. Staring straight back at me. He returned it with as much emotion. His eyes were pleading. A look I hadn't seen on him before. My heart dropped. Hagen sighed and looked as if he wanted to say something, but I didn't let him. I walked out as fast as I could.

I walked quickly to the river in the forest. Not running although my body burned to be away from him. I didn't want to draw too much attention. I knew the slaves had started work on the fields by now.

Out of sight, by the river, I stripped and immersed myself in the water. Perhaps I thought I could wash away the deed of the night before. I scrubbed hard at my skin. Trying to contain the anger at myself. I stayed under the water for some time; letting the liquid flow past me, surrounding me, letting some of my rage seep out into the water. The freeze of the water put out the blaze in me.

After a while I broke the surface. I allowed my lungs to fill and my heart to pump again but I still felt empty. I couldn't believe I had let myself fall for him. To allow him to seduce me. To allow it to go so far. I had lain with the man that killed my family. And I detested myself for it. I detested the woman I had become. I should hate him I should want to kill him! And instead...

In my mind there were two versions of him. The one who trained me, who is gentle and caring towards me. And the other that killed my family. I find it so hard to forget either.

Was I just to become his woman now? Was I to just throw away my home? It was becoming harder and harder to remember what my family looked like. What their voices sounded like. What it was like to be around them. I don't know if you can miss something you can't remember.

I was a different person from when I knew them. I wasn't innocent and naïve anymore; I was a warrior, a violent woman, who lays with Danes. Who was my God? Was it my Christian god? Or should I just praise the Gods that I was to live by? I hardly knew myself anymore, let alone what my values were.

Images of the night before flashed through my mind. His arms around me, his lips on my body. The soft caresses and gentle words as he played with my hair. I couldn't make sense of my feelings. He had been so sweet, so giving. I had never seen him like this before. And this morning... that look in his eye... I thought I understood the man whom I lived with.

My mind raced, as it was becoming used to. Changing from the memories of passion and desire to those of hated and pain. My family and Osric.

I felt so lost in those wood. Yet they had grown to be so familiar. I had lost where I had come from and had no idea what direction I was to go in.

After sunset I emerged from the woods, I hadn't intended to stay all day but I couldn't find the courage to return to Hagen. I walked nervously back to his house.

He was sitting at the table waiting for me. He didn't say anything but sat there analysing me. I couldn't speak, my heart was beating too fast. I thought it would burst out of my chest.