Remember My Name

7 - Thirteen Hours Ahead

Psychomotor impairment.

He learned about it years ago, when they were studying psychiatry in medical school.  It is when the connections between your muscles and your brain are disrupted, causing  reduction of physical movements, or in some cases, near-paralysis.

This is not it, he thought.  He remembered that psychomotor impairment is only seen in people with mental disorders or are taking drugs, at least that was according to his psychiatry class.

REM atonia.

During sleep, our body goes through 5 stages. This is when our body goes from light sleep, deep sleep, and REM sleep. The last stage is when dreams occur, as well as the stage where our body experiences a normal state of paralysis known as the REM atonia.

This is also not it, he thought. He is certain that he's wide awake—Lucid, even.

Bin has been trying so hard to diagnose his own symptoms: Increased heart rate, rapid breathing, sweating, trembling, and the scariest of all, he cannot move, it is as if he is paralyzed.

He is looking for a scientific explanation as to why he was frozen in his position. As a cardio thoracic surgeon, he needed an answer.

Seeing Dr. Son—the love of his life— in the trauma room, crying and calling a little girl her baby.. her daughter, triggered all of these symptoms.

It was a disconnect between his heart and his mind, and maybe this is his body's unexplainable reaction to it, as he cannot understand what he is seeing. He couldn't find a logical explanation for it right now.

The child she called Ae-Rin is now awake, and is having trouble breathing. Dr. Son hurriedly guided her to sit down and instructed the child to purse her lips and breathe, one of the most effective techniques to alleviate shortness of breath. When that didn't work, Dr. Son became hysterical, "Give me the oxygen!"

Nothing.

"Bin, hand me the fucking oxygen!"

And in an instant, he felt the adrenaline once again. He immediately grabbed the oxygen mask behind him and quickly handed it to Yejin, to which she covered her child's mouth with.

Continuous tears ran down Yejin's face as she feared for her child's safety. Bin was back again in his paralyzed state, looking at Yejin and Ae-Rin in a distance. After a few minutes, the child removed her face mask and softly called her mother, "Eomma,"

"Yes, love? What do you need? Are you hurt?" she attentively asked.

"Cursing is bad. Don't curse." the child faintly said, and in that moment something tugged at Bin's heart. Hearing that sweet innocent voice of a child made his mind go into a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions.

Yejin started crying yet again, and she hugged her child, "Oh my god, I'm sorry, Love. Eomma was just so scared. What happened to you? Where's Halmoeni (Grandma) and Halabeoji (Grandpa)?"

The child just shook her head, not knowing what to say.

When Yejin calmed down, she became aware of everything. She became aware that Bin was the doctor who treated her Ae-rin.

When she turned around to face him, he was gone.

-

Walking away from that trauma room was one of the hardest things he has done, but he was on the brink of insanity, so he had to.

Dr. Hyun's neurons are firing from everywhere. He was feeling all things at once: exhaustion, frustration, pain, confusion. He is aware that he might go crazy trying to absorb everything all at once.