Lucid Memories

Chapter 4

3rd Person POV

Inside the isolated room of Chuuya Nakahara's, the boy was moping. Limbs sprawl on his bed. Tissues dunked into every corner of the room, clearly missing the garbage can he set far from his bed. The only window there was opened, letting the smell out and letting the frosty wind carry inside. It's been like that for the previous months. The clean busybody still maintain some life in him. Cleaning during his wake hours at night. Showering just to stay awake. Even eating the bare minimum, dumbfounded by his memories. He really felt useless then. How could he not win? He's been training for such a long time and many promises with that honestly as he thought about it, it was just a matter of time for something to happen to someone he cared for. He honestly couldn't define this feelings for her. But it was too underwhelming when he grasp your cool skin and eyed your paling complexion. It was draining.

He turned onto his side. A photo frame of [S Name] and Chuuya were on the table. He grabbed the object and sat up. Caressing the photo image of her. He knew. He honestly did. She were gone, yet he couldn't get over it. Everything she've been through, the scenarios he pictured with just the two of you. [S Name] and himself.

He really just loved her. 

And now she're gone.

Soon the room was filled a voice. The soft calling of his name echoed in his room. "Chuuya..."

He knew the voice. After all, he couldn't stop himself from fall for the illusion of [S Name]. Still being alive. The three of you, [S Name], himself and Dazai, completing another mission together as much as he knew Dazai wanted her just as much as himself.

The boy sighed, recalling her sweet voice that she were always embarrassed about, calling it disgusting, revolting and even mimicking a dying seal's cries. Really, she was a weird one he had to admit. But that made her so much appealing.

"So Chuuya," He heard her imaginary voice whisper to him. He sigh in content. He placed the photo faced down onto the desk and just listened. He wanted nothing more than to just listen. "why are you mopping around?"

"Were you not the boy who always challenged Dazai to some kind of fight, only to get beaten. But yet somehow always having the energy—the confidence to challenge him again? What happened to that boy?" He closed his eyes. This time she was consulting him. He huffed as his somehow tricked himself to see [S Name] in front of him. Pouting and flicking his forehead. "Hey, are you even listening? Geez..."

He heard the girl sigh once more before resuming to talk. "You know, I always wondered why you were so strong."

"Was it because you need strength to change that world?" The girl said, half-lided. "Or was it because you were once weak and needed to change?"

"I admire your strength, y'know." She kicked her legs over the bed's edge. Standing up in a moment's time. Her hair fluttered behind her and she stretched out. "Being able to protect the people you love and living a normal life is something I always wanted. But yet I couldn't. I didn't have power. Nor money. Nor support. Everything I dreamed about; school, family, wealth, and sometimes innocent love..."

"just isn't there now." She turns to faced him. A tint of sadness entered her visage and her expression, now told the story. "All the doors shut and because of my decision, I joined the mafia. I killed. I lied. I tortured. Doing so many more things that honestly, I couldn't understand why I did."

"I was jealous at the thought when I took that mission to apprehend the King of Sheep's that you were some bratty kid that just... Well, you would be too idiotic that you didn't see what you had compare to another." She huffs, walking around the bed side to show her displease at first. But then calming down and siting at the bed's front. She was swing her legs systematically. "But after learning you didn't and you protected everything you created, it was eye opening."

"I want to apologize for that." An octave fell. He could obviously see that this topic was foreign for her. "But I need you to live on as well."

"I understand. I really do. It's painful, loving the person you care about." She fell onto the bed, letting her upper body relax on the bed. She grinned at the boy. He blushed. "But I want you to live for me. As cliche and cringe that sounds, it's true. At some extent that is."

"You're an idiot you know that." He muttered deliriously. "Why should I—"

"Please do." She cut him off. The sound of someone knocking on the door alerted the two of them. She grinned. "Look, someone is call for you."

He stood up, trying to grab her arm. "Don't... Stop! I still—"

"It's time for me to go now." She carried herself off the bed. She soon patted his head. "Take care."

He sighed. Even though he was drained, he was on the verge of crying. "Why are you such an idiot [S Name]?"