Lucid Memories

Chapter 5

3rd Person POV

Dazai also was facing the same crisis.

He sat in a corner of his room, drawing outlines of her.

He didn't like to think about how unhealthy it was. Sitting there, just contemplating about events if he just did his role better. He made up scenarios, hoping that there could be a way to save you or at least to prevent it from happening.

He sighed quietly. He understood something at least. Mori was probably going to help him in some way. He knew he was being trained to be his successor. Not that he minds, but there was just so much going on that he couldn't focus on the task on hand. It was just so tiring. He never thought, he'd cry so much so quickly. "[S Surname]..."

"Hey?" He froze, the soothing voice that he adored whispered to him. This shook his body. He quickly tilted his head up to see nothing. But he could hear it. "Hello~! Can you hear me Dazai-san?"

The room was filled with laughter. His laughter. He must have gone insane now. He says a little loud than he wanted to. "You're just a figment of mine imagination..."

Please say otherwise.

Please say otherwise.

Please say otherwise.

Please say otherwise.

Please say otherwise.

Please say otherwise.

Please say otherwise.

Please say otherwise.

Please say otherwise.

Please say—

"You're right." The voice whispered back. But he could imagine it, she was sitting in front of him. Staring at him with her eyes that seemingly could see through him. "But that won't change."

"I think you already know what I'm here for." She lifts her hand before ruffling his messy hair. He could only stare. He knows that feeling too much. He was dependant on it. His eyes followed her to his window. He traced her figure lifting up one of the panes so that fresh air cycle through the room. She turns back to him, smiling before taking a seat in front of him. That's how he would imagine it anyways. "I know you already calculated something like this to happen already. Y'know, me dying or something—"

"But it was too fast...!" He says, grabbing her arm. "There was so much I want to do with you! But it was all my fault! I couldn't help you—after all our promises..."

But there was nothing there however. He grinds his teeth in front of her. That's right, I'm just hallucinating. I'm still the same crazed—no, insane person from the beginning. This surprised the girl, but instead, she smiled back. Of course she would. This is how I pictured us. He finds himself on his bed. She lays his head on her lap and sighs. "I know."

"I missed this peace too." She whispers. She combs his hair with her fingers. Each one shaping his natural hairstyle from the past. "This journey that you and Chuuya provided. The enjoy and pain we had to deal with because of Mori and Kouyou and missions—"

"and Q that crazy kid..." He mutters, enjoying his view.

She smiled. He never knew concluded whether Q or Yumeno Kyusaku was actually a boy or girl. But maybe some secrets are better left untouched. "...I really admire your brains, it was so frustrating when you won those shoji game."

"Yes... I know..." He continued to stare at her. Almost as if, this was when she truly left this world. He wasn't going to lose any moment with her. He reached his hand up to touch her cheek. Just one more time... But as know already knew, he felt nothing instead. There was nothing there but particles. She was gone after all. "I missed you..."

"and thank you for everything..." It was he last attempt to stay sane. He was too tired now. He remember seeing her smile one last time before disappearing for good.

"Thank you, Osamu."

He blinked. There was no way she would say that. Maybe he did turned insane already. He smiled, whimpering a little. "Oh whatever..."

"She'd laugh at me if she saw this." He says to himself. He stands up, stretching a bit before heading to his shower. He took off his shirt before looking at himself in the mirror. He was crying. "When did I..."

"What does crying mean to you [S Surname]-san?" The boy says as he sat on her bed, bored yet interested in her answer.

"Hmm," The girl ponders, looking up from her report that she was finishing up. She didn't mind after all. "probably means I'm human?"

"Human?" He said in disbelief and confusion. "Why?"

"I guess because you still understand emotions; happiness, humour, sadness, pain and... hmm what else...?" She mutters, poking her cheek with her pen. Soon she receives a phone call, dismissing her conversation with Dazai before hanging up. She kicks out of her seat before putting on her shoes. She scrambled out of her door before shouting at him. "Ah! I need to go now, Boss ordered me to meet him. Later!"

I'm human...huh... He smiles to himself. He wipes his tears away. "Oh, whatever..."