Hidden Feelings and Hesitations

[11] Frankie

I couldn't take my mind off of Haylie. All I could think about was the look on her face when I'd opened my door and found her crying in the hallway. She'd looked completely broken and the instant I'd found out why, I knew I had to help her. I couldn't stand seeing her in so much pain.

Thinking about Haylie's situation reminded me of when my mom died. It had been a while—too long—since I'd taken more than a few seconds to remember her and even longer since I'd visited her grave. Realizing that sort of made me feel like a terrible daughter.

Honestly, I'd been feeling like a terrible person in general. My friend's girlfriend had kissed me for the second time just hours after I had made out with another girl who'd expressed a clear interest in me. I didn't know what to do about them, but I knew I had to talk to Harrison. He had to know everything. Even though I didn't want to do anything to jeopardize Haylie's safety and the process she needed to go through to understand her feelings, I was so tired of keeping this secret from him.

I found my best friend in the weight room after practice on Wednesday. He worked out every other day in the winter in order to stay in shape during his off-season, so it wasn't hard to track him down.

My hand came up to push the strands of hair that had left my ponytail away from my face as I nodded at him to get his attention. He raised his hand in a wave and I made my way across the room to talk to him. I passed him my bottle, letting him waterfall a bit of the liquid into his mouth. "Hey, man, I have to talk to you." I leaned forward, resting my forearms on my knees after I sat down.

Harrison lowered the object in his hand and narrowed his eyes at me. "Okay, what's up?" His voice came out slow, like he was a little suspicious of how serious I was being. He gave my bottle back to me and I took a drink of my own.

"Not here." I shook my head. "Can we go back to yours to shower and grab dinner?" Both of us were sweating and I didn't doubt that he was starving, too.

"Yeah, for sure." He pushed himself to his feet and reached out his hand to pull me to mine. "Are you okay, Frankie?"

"No," I quietly told him before we headed out to the parking lot and hopped in our cars to make the drive to his house. It was in town, so it was much closer than mine, which was in the middle of nowhere. By the time I'd turned into his driveway, I was a wreck. My hands were shaking as I unbuckled my seatbelt and took my keys out of the ignition. I didn't understand why I'd been such a ball of nerves lately. The only time I ever used to get like this was before really important games. Now it seemed like every little thing sent me into a whirlwind of anxiety and tension.

I tried to relax as I stepped into the shower in the guest bathroom and let the water run over me. I felt so comfortable in Harrison's house. He was practically my brother and his mom played a huge part in my life. She was the first one I'd gone to when I started to understand that I wanted to be so much more than friends with the girls at school. She was the closest thing I'd had to a mother until my dad had met Cindy. I knew I'd still go to her with things before I went to my new step-mom with them though.

Once I'd gotten dried off, I changed into the clothes Harrison had given me to borrow and went downstairs to the living room. Even though I was about as tall as him, his sweatpants were a little long. That was one of the best parts about being friends with a bunch of boys: I didn't need to worry about extra clothes because we wore a lot of the same things.

He was already waiting for me on the couch, a sandwich for each of us on a plate on the coffee table. Neither one of us moved to eat them as I sank into the cushions and propped my feet out in front of me.

"What's going on?" he asked, but didn't push me any farther. He always gave me the space I needed to talk. It was so easy to be honest with him because of that.