Album 1: "The Emotional Monster"

15. " Healing wisdom"

Number 88 in my journal;

What happened to me?
Why did everything abruptly change?
I blink a few times.
And disappear to a new grime.

I enjoy the faces.
Some familiar, Deja vu.
But none leading back to you.
The lock on the gates.
The unopened truth of your heart.

Don't get too close, now.
Only one dose and I'm obsessed.
I understand you cannot love the
Depressed, obsessed, yet nicely dressed, but I blessed monster.
I guess I'm a mess.
Tested your real persona from your hearth.
You weren't who I thought you were.

This cant be a lie.
It's only a sigh of disappointment.
They say the truth lies in the eyes.
Tied up in that same disguise.
Yep look of the genuine, the wise.

I loved it, couldn't get enough.
But you weren't.
I got caught, too tangled in thought.
You might even be dealing with confinement.
The same trapped issues,
Ones that damages the memorable look in your eyes.

In the depressing, healing notion,
Of experience, wisdom, climbing, and trying.
To accept our separate ways.
Those same eyes if a positive person.
Maybe I was wrong.

But I may never know you.
That teacher also may never know you.
She may have overheard,
And figured out what I think.
But she might take a while,
To find out what I've done.
A fight, of my love life.
Bleaching my life, my mind.
Of a bleak setting.

I now tell myself,
Nobody will love,
A scary devil eyed monster like me.

I wish we never flew away as friends.
We don't have to have a deteriorating friendship.
This is all up to you.
Now, the broad daylight, the cold blue skies,
No longer seem As bright.
Just a memo to us,
That's we're already ending.

I want to heal,
But this is probably one of many heartbreak stories.
Emotional damage.
But when the wiser one tries to heal,
Something happens.

I want our friendship to heal,
I want myself to heal,
I want you to heal,
But a monster like me, doesn't control that.
Only you do.

12.19.19.    .        4.29.20