Album 1: "The Emotional Monster"

4. " Color Blind Sanity"

#71 in my journal

Maybe this is all a lie.
It never lasts long,
Don't get too close,
I dont wanna lose someone, again.
I cant afford to lose you,
Im spazzing out.
The world is no longer colored.
Maybe im entering a new world, that I cannot see properly.
It's new vision?

The friends I had to leave behind,
All for you, was really for nothing.
I thought there was a chance.
Thinking your attraction ,
Was my home.
Of a new realm intertwined with mine.

But it Was all a lie from the start,
I look like a psychopath.
You'd never come to my world.
You'd never help me, as I stand next to you, and silently suffer.
My eyes like the devils.
Again, Seeing nothing in my mind,
Just you saying no, on repeat.
This is keeping me up at night.
I'm never listening to any of them.
The ones who complemented you,
They dont have a clue who you are.

My colors are distorting,
Am spazzing glitching
Nothing is playing In my head.
I feel it is twitching, my head.
I. Feel. Nothing.
I can't afford to attempt losing my life.
In a better place...
I told myself I cannot love like others.

Am not feeling no more love
An attraction appears.
I get obsessed with that emotion.
I constant need to feel sane,
When you're gone for what feels like a month.
My mind developing clouds building thick fog.
Looking like I've just seen something traumatizing.

Yet, I feel nothing.
I'm lost, searching for answers in my head;
A trace where you could be...
Is nowhere to be found.
You are nowhere around.

Cadet blue sky, thick white clouds.
Feeling the midst of rain on my cheeks.
My lips thirsty for you,
As for now, rain fulfills my thirst.

But something never feels right,
It never does.
I fell I'll never find out what's wrong,
In my case, if something isnt right, it isn't.
.....
The psycho eyes aren't showing,
I'm begging to look normal.
I guess the feeling of rejection doesn't last long.

11.27.19. . 4.20.20