Album 1: "The Emotional Monster"

8. "Lets just leave it in the past"

Number 79 in my journal

Take me above all.
Above all in the building.
Above all, feeling I'm elevated above the entire world.
I want to see the natural, nostalgic forces,
We entrust to keep us alive.
While beauty is all and above,
I was told sorry doesn't fix mistakes.
This may be the last time I observe
The blue, white, and green beauty on this Earth.

You should never take advantage of what you have.
I don't know why you would.
Sorry, I don't know your home life.
I look down and think of you.
I feel like a good amongst the human race.
Keeping independence from leaving me.

Like I haven't been abandoned surplus in my entire life.
This companion of death alongside me won't last long.
I'm sorry I crossed the line.
I'm still not sure,
What came over me.
It makes me cry when I think about it.
But remember I never took you for granted.

The glitch, I feel scattered,
From all the past fabricates.
Year's ago, I was I stood situated much worse
Where sorry really couldn't fix any of my pasts' mistakes.
There's a difference between loving and caring.
I look down again and ask.
Why must it be this way, again?
I'm not sorry to do this.
I don't know your other lives.

Your words were mesmerizing, captivating,
Yet heartbreaking.
It's true, you don't and never will love me.
But my mind, today, is broken and blank.
I cannot think any further than the end of me.

Not even a few months of you,
And I'm already obsessed.
From all the time,
We spend apart.
I planned on leaving soon.
I feel like a God amongst all.
I feel I can caress the sky,
Hope for the best.
Close my eyes, sprout my wings.
Become independent and finally fly to freedom.

But already on the roof.
But reality is in the wind,
Whispering no, don't go.
It won't last long.
I'm crying from your words,
And from what I said.

There is no way In or out.
I'm just assembled in the middle of this mess.
Terms between us - Deja vu.
Maybe this all seems pretentious,
And I see that's preposterous.
I can't face you anymore.
When I look down,
The tears fall from the distance.
My brain tells me my fate.
It's fulfilled only when I fall over the edge.

The sky, blue, angelic, godly.
But what can I do?
Nobody is truly 'free'.
I'm still captive from you.
My mind blocks out.
The reality in the wind,
Controlling my instincts
Maybe I'll figure it all out, properly.
Figure out my story from start to end,
For all of them to understand thoroughly.
Because I'm leaving soon.

I think you won't cry or care.
My fate has been ran over.
From since this is the second attempt,
That I'm up here, from last year.
But at least this moment will last longer,
Than my life last year and before.
At least I made it to another point In life...

Almost giving up.
The clouds are covering the truth.
No matter how visible I make it.
I'm not okay.

Don't lie to yourself or my spirit.
Saying I didn't do anything,
Or she didn't listen,
Or some other excuse,
To foolishly fool people,
On your behalf, my past,
Or my heartbroken, soulless behalf.
Now I am not sorry for this.

I'm sorry to have to be this way.
I'm sorry I was thinking this way.
The party's been over.
It's more than what you think.
You know more than you should,
So I guess you know I'm on the top,
Can you see me from the rooftop?

But now I am on my own.
Under the sun and c!ouds,
The clouds are rolling in,
From my left.
Traveling far in front of my face, now.
Dark, dreary, draining my soul, clouds.

The light shines behind me,
Beneath cracks of differently shaded clouds,
Beneath the reflecting windows of light.
Golden light, half blue behind me, skies.
Now Gray, bold, looking black, clouds in front.
It was all perfect before you entered.
In my legendary life.
Oh I could've been a  legend throughout the world...
Too bad it had to end all too soon.
But legends die young, but never die from our hearts.
We didn't even say our goodbyes.
By that, our final ones.

But "Let's just leave it in the past".
I felt that, hard. But you're right.
Let me do the honors,
And let's actually leave it in the past.
It's about time this topic ends for good.
It's time to let me go, let us go.

     Forever, I'm never coming back.
     So, goodbye, from heaven.
     I wish to the best.
     In your lovely, yet painful existence.
     I hope to see you, soon.
      *Begins to rain*
    (Goodbye). (Sorry)
      *thud*

12.7.19.    .     4.23.20

"The blue, white, and green beauty on this Earth." -  Not only are these the simple colors that most of us see, white represents the clouds, blue represents the sky, and the green represents all the greenery in the world.

"In my legendary life." - I see myself as a legend. I also see myself for as long as I live, I am a legend.