The diary of a depressed teen.

Lonely

I guess everyone got together and made a pact to stop talking to me. Because that's how life goes. Someone doesn't want to talk to you anymore so they don't. I try to plan things with one of my friends. It feels like they don't ever want to hang out because they always have other plans, or their parents said no. Today they were sick. But then I see them posting on instagram and Snapchat either hanging out with other people, or not looking sick at all. I don't want excuses. I'd rather someone have the balls to tell me that they simply don't want to talk, or hangout, or just don't want to be friends anymore. Because holding back. Making excuses to not hang out with me. Trust me. That hurts more than telling the truth ever would. And maybe I'm overthinking it. After all. My brother gave up on helping me survive, my sister left as fast as she could, and my dad left before he even died. My whole life people have been leaving me and at this point. Nothing makes sense anymore. Nothing at all. Why I even have "friends" I don't know. Because friends should be able to talk to one another. I've wanted this person to sleep over because I'm tired of crying myself to sleep every night. I don't want to do that for just one night. For just one night, I don't want to be stuck in my mind. Just once I don't want to think about how I could be living my last day because...what's the point. I want someone to be there for me this time. I'm tired of taking care of other people and letting myself get destroyed to make them feel better. I feel completely and utterly alone and I don't understand how no one can see it. I don't normally reach out for help, so I don't know why I'm being ignored. But oh well, I've dealt with it this long right?