Picture from https://fineartamerica.com/art/shattered+glass
Everyone says once something's broken, there is no way to fix it. I think everyone is missing the point of a broken picture. It depends on what is broken, whether it can be repaired or not. A broken heart? That can be fixed only with the tape of lies. If you've ever experienced a broken heart, you know what I mean when I say that love can only be fixed by the tape of lies. broken glass can't be glued together. A broken girl can't be fixed with chocolate ice cream, or makeup. Makeup covers scars, but not the scarring that memories can do.
I remember lots more of my childhood now than I thought I did. Every hit, every yell, every scary night I lied in my bed. Praying, screaming at God for him to help me, but to no avail. I'm scared of him. I am scared to stand up to him, or to speak my mind, or to even comfort him. Scared that I might say the wrong thing and he will spiral down again. I'm broken and break everything/everyone around me. I'm a bull and the rest of the world, the people I get close to, they are my china shop. I remember when my family was happy. When we weren't poor, or sad, or rude to each other.
I have one memory of my birth-mother. I often wonder what she did with the rest of her life. If she had more kids, how many times she re-married. I know that she has a husband right now. I wonder if he is happy. I wonder if she is happy. Does she deserve to be happy? Yes. Even with what she did to you and your siblings? Especially with what she went through with her childhood, and living knowing that she has three kids out in the world who may not remember her, or if they are okay. Yes. She deserves happiness.
When will my life be fixed? I never really thought about it, but I think I will be happier when I am married and have kids. I know that I will love my kids like nothing else on this Earth. I want a baby. But not yet. I am not ready for a child. I can't afford one at the moment. I wish I had someone to love. But for now, I will stick with him.
Bye?
YOU ARE READING
The diary of a depressed teen.
Proză scurtăContains depression, suicidal thoughts, self-harm references, and my strong opinions about everything I'm angry about at the time of which I write each chapter. This is just how I feel my life is going right now.
