It's gotten to the point where I'm feeling two things. For one, I feel completely alone and numb to everything. I'm also gaining too much weight and it's starting to scare me again. Panic attacks about that have been coming back now too. Nightmares of how people will call me fat, ugly, scarred, disgrace, and oh, there's too many to remember. But In a way, I am currently all of those or I have been in the past. Sometimes I just want to lay in bed forever and not do anything with my life because, what's the point? You either live a great life, have lots of people in it, then leave every single person behind when you die. Of course there's the lonelier option number two: don't make friends, cut all ties with people. Yes you'll die alone, but no one would mind. You wouldn't be hurting anybody if you did die. I don't want to die. Remember? Death terrifies me. I just don't want to live if I'm not feeling anything. I've become numb to the point where I will sleep for more than half the day, do one chore, maybe eat, watch a show, something that doesn't require actual movement and then I don't do anything else all day. Because honestly. What's the point? There's nothing to do right now. Everyone is stuck at home and I really only have a few people to talk to that don't want to drop the conversation right when they see my "hello" pop up on their screen.
But I'm also at the point of losing my mind because no one can help me. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live either.
YOU ARE READING
The diary of a depressed teen.
Kısa HikayeContains depression, suicidal thoughts, self-harm references, and my strong opinions about everything I'm angry about at the time of which I write each chapter. This is just how I feel my life is going right now.
