Fatal Fantasy

Living Without Common Privileges

   You've always wanted more than you can have. You believe everyone does. However, the things you wanted were those others commonly had. You wanted clothes without holes, stable furniture, and paid bills. You wanted to drive to the beach simply because you wanted to and waste a day bathing in the sun. It isn't that you don't want these things anymore, but you've learned they are a distant dream. Your family relies heavily on your mother's meager paycheck and it doesn't get you very far. Growing up has been difficult, especially when you see everyone around you who has it better than you. You cannot say you're not privileged --after all, you are writing this on a computer in a warm home with a full stomach-- you am simply stating why and how your third-class citizenship has shaped you into the person you are.

      Becoming older, you discover new things about your family that was not meant for children's ears. Maybe that person's mother was a stripper when she was younger or their brother did drugs. For you, the discovery was the true worth of money.

       As a child, you don't think about the things you throw in the cart. You just skip along singing, "I want this and I want that and oh! I want that!" You toss in dolls and toy cars and snacks. When your mother tells you no, you simply think she's getting back at you for pouring all the toothpaste out into the sink earlier that morning, so you cry and fuss and scream. Maybe some kids would've gotten their toys, or at least one snack. Some.

    Now, being a little baby, it hurts when you go to school and see everyone with their new gadgets, new shoes, expensive packed lunches. But those are the materialistic things. What hurts the most is having to wear the same two pairs of pants for three years, until a hole is worn through the knees and the crotch and the hem. It hurts when you see other kids go on amazing trips and get to see the world. It hurts when you find yourself getting excite over shopping for new shoes, when for anyone else, it was a chore. It especially hurts when you reach an age where your friends start to go out to restaurants together in their brand-new cars and flashing pictures with their iPhones. Unlike them, you use your minimum wage to start saving up for college, because there is no way you're going to get in, even with all the scholarships and working three jobs on the side, without a huge chunk of loans that will leave you crippled and exhausted.

         You believe the worst part is seeing how much more... cultured everyone else is from you. They've seen the world, they go to fancy restaurants on the weekends, their grandparents give them extravagant gifts, they can express themselves! You're lucky if you get even a pair of sweatpants fashionable enough to wear to bed! You try to join in the fuss of socialization, and you might have been able to... if you were attractive, like your sisters. But was it worth it? You wanted to go to college, not blow it on a phone bill and Starbucks!

        Every single step you take has twenty effects. You are stuck in place, afraid to move. You just want to live like everyone else seems to be! Sure, it humbles you, knowing the true worth of a bill, but with that comes an urge to cry and fuss and scream. You understand it isn't possible, it isn't going to happen, money doesn't grow on trees.... You want to complain about how it isn't fair, but you know that is selfish. So you keep stepping forward, despite constant worry and hurt digging into your heart. You keep stepping forward.

Ari

        Hello, readers! I hope I didn't depress you very much with my new article. I would just like to say that this article was inspired by a couple of events recently and I wrote this to discuss how it is like to feel apart from society. I didn't get into much detail about my own personal life for obvious reasons and used my own life only as an example of what it is like in the lower third-class. I left out the worst parts for the weak-heartened and for privacy reasons. My family's income has hugely impacted my decisions in life and the way I feel about myself. I hope this can help shed some light into the eyes of the privileged and show them that society is not what it seems.