Free Falling

Chapter 6

Olivia shut her door and started to rummage through the drawers. The voices had gotten too loud. There was no sense or reason to it. No rationality. Depression doesn't give you that. You don't get the option to think about all the good things you're leaving behind. The voices just scream at you to do it. Nothing matters. The dark hole in your chest has consumed you and you don't have the energy to fight them off anymore. It wasn't one problem. It never is, and anyone who knows how it feels to get to a point so low knows it's never just about the brokenness of your heart. It's the worthlessness you feel from being left time and time again. It's the insecurities that roar because you just were never pretty enough. It's the broken home that gave you the dependency on others because you had to be alone for so long. It's the lost control that derails your mind because you can't function without stability. It's everything, yet nothing. Suicide is the darkness because it scares the hell out of you, but its the only thing that makes you feel safe.

Liam's words replayed through her head.

"I couldn't care less if you were dead or alive".

Her chaos was interrupted by a knocking at the door, it was Lucas. No, she couldn't answer it, she needed to write this out. Olivia grabbed a pan and started to write

'dearest friends, I'm sorry about everything. not that many of you care but I'm sorry I was such a screw-up. I'm sorry I couldn't save my sister. and I'm sorry I'm not good enough. I'm sorry I ruined everything I touched, I'm sorry I existed. I woke up each morning believing it was ok. That if I filled my life with material objects and a false sense of love everything would be ok again.but it's not. It will never be so what's the point of trying. goodbye...'

to: Liam ' I don't know what I did to lose you, but I'm sorry. I loved every second I spent with you. I thought you actually loved me. your lips were so soft on mine and your heartbeat against mine was the only thing that felt right. I'm sad I will never again taste the sweet nectar of your kiss or hear your soothing voice calling my name. I'm only sorry I didn't cherish our moments more, please find happiness. That's all I want. I love you..... goodbye my love see you on the other side'.

She slipped this note under the door where she knew Lucas was waiting and quietly slipped out the window. Lucas burst into the room a few minutes later realizing what was happening."Olivia No!" he yelled but she was already gone. She walked by a quaint cafe where she and Liam had their first date, the lake where they went skinny dipping. As she walked reminiscing, a guy looked at her. She was wearing her black dress, something nice to die in.

"umm, miss I'm sorry to bother you it's just you reminded me of someone" she turned around confused "my sister wanted a dress like that. Last time I saw her. was, nevermind, I guess I was just saying it looks nice on you. you look really pretty" he fidgeted awkwardly then walked away.

Olivia ended up at an old bridge, climbing up to the edge of it she looked down. The water was racing. When you're really, truly about to die, it's a scary feeling. Knowing that you're just going to disappear, become another statistic. She started crying as she stepped forward a little. Everything was rushing around in her head.

"Pathetic".

she stepped a little more.

"You look very pretty".

The man's words made her cry harder.

"My sister wore a dress like that last time I saw her..."

Olivia stepped up to the edge

'you look very pretty'.

Liam looked down at the note, as he read over and over what he had done. Tears poured down his face. 'She doesn't deserve this. I pushed her over the edge. I should be the one dead' he ran to Lucas who had a worried look on his face.

"We have to find her!".

Liam ran through the streets barefoot screaming for Olivia. Liam broke down in the middle of the street "Olivia no!" he knew this was all his fault. He didn't realize how bad she had gotten... he didn't realize she would go this far.

Olivia looked down, one more step and she would fall. For some reason, the man's words kept replaying in her head. He had such a sad melancholic look on his face. She could tell he went through real pain. She stepped back a little. The tears were uncontrollable now. She was shaking and felt weak.