Free Falling

Chapter 10

Cold. That's the way she had felt at that moment. That never-ending sinking feeling of loneliness and regret. Olivia never made friends, she never went to school, never socialized, and only ever opened herself up to Alex. She had many regrets in life but the thing that hurt most was knowing she let her sister down. She was the one that drove her away. She gave up and the only reason she lived this way was because of herself. Olivia sat up crawling out of bed and sitting at her desk, she started to draft a letter

The first thing I must ask of you is not to hurt for too long. Please move on, live a happy life, don't dwell too long on me because as all life is, my life is just fleeting. I believe I wasn't meant to be here. It was made clear that through everything I pushed through I am just not meant to stay. I know that this is upsetting and so hard and I'm so sorry that you are going through this because of me. I never wanted to hurt any of you but I just couldn't continue. No. this wasn't a split-second decision, no this was not for attention, it never was. I just let everybody assume that because it was easier. It was easier for everyone to think that I was dramatic then realize that I was truly an entirely not okay. I may not have acted "depressed" or "suicidal" and what I have to say to that is, you don't see what goes on behind closed doors, you are not in my head, and it is not like what mainstream media makes it all out to be. I want to end my life and have breakdowns every day for a week and then the next month be happy and have a great time. These are the times I think, maybe it was passing and just a period that's gone and then it comes back. It's like a black hole that sits in my chest saying everything is wrong, it's so unbearable it physically pains me and mentally tortures me till I can't even cry. All I can do is sit and feel intense sadness. A sadness I couldn't even fully describe if I tried... I'm just so sorry.

Liam,

I can't even begin to explain how sorry I am to put you through this. We fight. A lot and I know I said I hated you and I know I pushed you out but, You are the love of my life. My brightest happiness. Everything I ever wanted. I love you. Please try to stay happy, try to move on. Don't be angry at me... I can't even explain how much you mean to me. My hands are shaking so bad and I don't know how to express to you the love that I feel. I wanted to marry you... have kids... I just can't take that much life. I'm sorry. I love you more than anyone on this goddamn planet. One day, I hope you move on. I hope you'll be happy. And as much as it pains me I know you'll be able to find someone who deserves your love

~Olivia

She paced around the room, her hands shaking. Death is a scary thing and it's final. You don't get more final than death. On the bathroom counter sat the little razor blade she picked up. The edges stained with blood from the past. Olivia opened up the medicine cabinet and rummaged for a specific thing. She found acetaminophen, a painkiller found in Tylenol, enough of them causes your liver to shut down. It will help numb the pain. She unscrewed the bottle, 7,000mg is a lethal dosage, there is 500mg in each pill so. 14 pills should do it. She screwed the lid back on and put it back. Turning on the faucet she popped the pills in her mouth gagging as each one was swallowed. It was her body's last attempt at protesting this. After she choked down the pills she drew a warm bath. Not ever changing out of her white dress she climbed into the tub. The first scratch of metal against her skin made her hesitate. It hurt. Could she actually go through with this? Trying not to think about it she slashed her wrist up to the elbow. It hurt like hell and blood was dying the water red as it left her body. Shakily without much strength, she did the other arm. Just then she heard the door to her room open. She had forgotten to lock it. Then the bathroom door handle started to turn. Weakly and drifting out of consciousness she uttered one last word.

"Liam."