Dark Souls

Eight+

© Amber Kalkes 2014

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"Coming Undone" By Korn

Eight+

When I was a kid I was afraid of the dark.

As I grew older I thought I got over the fear. I actually loved sitting in the dark, away from everything and everyone cramped into my world. After my dad died of lung cancer I did that a lot more often. Trying to escape the sounds of my mom crying at night or my younger sister, Natalia, asking where daddy was.

The dark became a refuge from it all but not anymore.

Now I’m becoming afraid of the dark again and all the monsters it holds in its seemingly endless emptiness. This realization only becomes clearer to me as I walk into the empty space of Sasha’s home. It’s quickly clear from the lack of cigarette smoke and the smell of Lorna’s perfume that they aren’t home. The idea of being in the house alone is as relieving as it is scary.

The doctor’s appointment was pretty much pointless. No brain damage was found in the CT scans. No frontal lobe damage. Nothing that would suggest I should be having this shit happening to me. Nothing medically is wrong with me so the question remains, why am I having these hallucinations?

The doctor seems as clueless as me at this point.

Stripping off my jacket from my shoulders I put it on the coat rack before walking deeper into the house. I don’t even realize how much the darkness is really affecting me until I catch myself scanning every dark corner like it’ll come out and bite me. Though, to take recent occurrences lately I wouldn’t be surprised if they did. Making my way up the stairs and to my room I’m about to open my bedroom door only to see that my hand is shaking.

Yeah, that is so not happening.

Deciding to take a bath I move to the bathroom. It’s a fairly small room and rarely used since Sasha has his own attached to his bedroom. The tile floor is a mint green, the porcelain fixtures a bit rusted where they meet the piping and the air always carrying a bit of a chill from the uneven window. Hugging my arms around myself I walk over to the tub and turn the water on.

The room fills with steam soon and I start taking off my clothes quickly so I can slip in. Sinking into the bath water I let out a sigh on how relaxing it feels to have on my skin. Dipping my head under the water I lift it again to sweep my too long brown hair out of my face. Uninvited the thought of Wyatt comes into my mind making my lips tingle and me to groan as I palm my face.

I just had to start something didn’t I?

I knew then as much as I know now that this, whatever it is with Wyatt can’t go on. Despite what he says about me, he’ll eventually realize I’m not good, not really. Adam knew what I was from the start and embraced the broken chaos brewing in me. I can try to put it all him but though he gave me the direction I’m the one who went down that road.

Closing my eyes against the direction of my thoughts I lay my head back against the rim of the tub. As my body starts to relax into a more limp state and my breathing evens out I feel a small pressure on my chest. It seems like nothing and despite my frown I don’t really think too much of it. Rubbing my chest a bit the pressure goes away and I keep my eyes closed as I try to relax again.

Then the pressure becomes a full on push as my body is submerged under the water. I open my eyes only too everything red around me minus a black-clawed hand on my chest pushing me down. I grab the hand but it doesn’t give under my pushing as I attempt to get to the surface for air. I struggle and try to use my legs and other arm to squirm out from under the hand’s hold but it doesn’t work. I start to go limp and my mind starts to lose most of its function when suddenly the hand moves away.