Encountering The Normy

Reverie

/ˈrɛv(ə)ri/noun.a state of being pleasantly lost in one's thoughts; a daydream.

"It's been five days, andaming reporters sa labas" I overheard the nurses taking my stats.

"Oo nga e, sikat kase pero buti na lang nagsurvive. Miracle nga daw yung nangyare kase piping pipe yung kotse sa part kung asan siya"

It's still blurry but my vision is enough to recognise their faces. Nakita ko kung paano iadjust ng nurse yung IV fluids na nakaturok sakin.

"Girl pag di mo oras, di mo pa talaga oras"

"Nurse" pilit kong ibinuka yung bibig ko.

"Hala! Gising na si Anthony" dali daling umalis yung isang nurse. After quite a moment, a doctor arrive to check me.

"Where's mum?" I look around and I am in a private room. I tried to remember anything but I can only remember a loud honk.

"She's fine, kasama ng physio ang mummy mo. Don't worry, she's just walking around."

Tumango lang ako.

I stayed in the hospital for almost 2 more weeks bago ko payagang umuwi. Despite of injury, we have to pay respects for our driver's bereaved family.

It took me a whole 3 months to recuperate and slowly go back. Same with mum but for some reason, something is missing. May gap na hindi ko maalala. I don't know what is it. I cannot point out what's wrong

One Saturday morning... hindi ako mapakali. I worked out, vocalise, walk around and even catch up with relatives but still there's a hole in my heart that cannot be filled. Although I figured out it might be my anxiety and depression getting the best of me.

In the end, I sneak out. I am not suppose to be driving but I still end up doing so. To where? To nowhere. Hindi ko rin alam. Nagmaneho lang ako.

Paikot ikot until I just realised I stopped on a familiar beach. The sunset makes the place look warm and blissful.

Parang may sariling utak yung katawan ko. I climb at the hood of my car and watch the sunset.

I was quiet for a while. Blangko yung isip ko. Buong araw ko ng iniisip na may kulang, till I look beside me.

"This spot... I could swear I am with somebody I do not remember"

"What runs inside your head?"

"Buhay. Bakit hindi natin macontrol yung life and death"

"Everything will be all right"

"I hope so"

"Don't worry. Soon you'll get better"

"How did you know?"

"Coz you have to"

"I like your name, it feels right for me to say it but at the same time it feels weird. I feel like I have to let you go if I continue calling you with your own name"

"Alam mo ang dami mong iniisip. Hindi nga ko mawawala sa'yo. Promise yan"

"Promises are meant to be broken" I answered with a hint of negativity.

"Ilaban mo ng konti. Pag ako nagsabi tutuparin ko kaya kalma ka lang."

"Sinabi ko sa'yo, hanggat may puang ako sa puso at isip mo hindi ako aalis at hindi ako mawawala"

I don't get why do I keep remembering things that did not seem happened before. I lie on my back flat on the hood of my car. I fall into a deep slumber.

"Sorry"

Ah, I heard that voice again.

I hate how these days whenever I close my eyes, I hear a voice. A soft still small voice that pulls strong surges of emotions and yet never stays. It only lingers for a while.

A weird dream that I want to experience more and more if only I do not know this is part of my internal mental struggles.

I know I have to clear my thoughts so once more I pick up the scores. Maybe tonight is the right time to complete this halfway written song.

DREAM by ANTHONY PANGILINAN

I wanna know just what's going on in your head

I wanna know why you're all I think of when I lie in bed

'Cause I thought of forever with you and me

And I thought that you'd never ever wanna leave

when I look at you my heart my skips a beat

And I'm speechless

I wanna love you til the sun rises

In the morning where I see the sun shining

On your face and I won't leave

til it's just you and me

But it's all a dream

I wanna know why I'm alone in my car

I wanna know why we're a thousand miles apart

'Cause I thought of forever with you and me

And I thought you'd never ever wanna leave

when I look at you my heart my skips a beat

You're my weakness

I wanna love you til the sun rises

In the morning where I see the sun shining

On your face and I won't leave til it's just you and me

But it's all a dream

And I'll be okay with you right beside me holding your hand

'Cause in my dreams you stood beside me

I was your man

I wanna love you til the sun rises

In the morning where I see the sun shining

On your face and I won't leave til it's just you and me

But it's all a dream

"Ah, I think I found my closing song for the concert... A song I don't even know who to dedicate to" I completed the song without thinking. It automatically flow inside me.

My gaze landed on a messy lettering on one of the pages of my music notes

"Normy" I read out a loud before yawning. With that, I fell asleep leaning on my wall.