The Brokenhearted Girl

Epilogue

Bata palang ako, lagi na kong kinukulong ng Mama at Papa ko sa kwarto dahil may ginagawa akong hindi normal. Madalas si Cloud lang ang nakakalabas para makipaglaro sa ibang mga bata. Ewan di ko alam kung alin ba ang hindi normal sa mga ginawa ko. E ginagawa ko lang naman yun para sa kanila.

Katorse anyos na kami noon ni Cloud.

Naalala ko yung katulong namin dati na pasimpleng kumukupit sa kwarto nina Mama. Nakita ko siya isang beses, pero hindi niya ko napansin kasi nasa madilim akong parte habang pinapanood siya sa ginagawa niyang pangungupit. Kinaumagahan nun wala sina Mama at Papa maging ang kakambal ko, tinanong ko siya kung gusto niyang magkape. Sabi niya oo daw.  Kaya pinagtimpla ko siya. Nasa may sala siya naglilinis ng iabot ko sa kanya ang kape. Ngumiti siya at nagpasalamat sakin sabay na ginulo ang buhok ko, ang sweet ko daw na bata. Nginitian ko lang din siya. At nagpaalam siya saakin kung pwede daw ba siyang maupo sa sofa, sabi ko naman. "Okay you can do whatever you want".

Maya-maya nangisay siya at bumula ang bibig niya pagkatapos niyang inumin ang kape. Napangisi ako. Yan ang napapala ng mga taong mapang-abuso.

Nung dinala ang katulong namin sa ospital dead on arrival na dahil mabilis kumalat ang nilagay kong lason sa kape niya.

Pagkauwi nina Mama non sa bahay, kinausap nila ako sa kwarto ko. Hindi yon alam ni Cloud dahil nasa eskwelahan siya at home school naman ako. Pero alam ko naman kung bakit nila ako kinukulong sa bahay, at yun ang kinakagalit ko.

"Ivan, ano ba ang nangyari kay Yaya?"

"Di ba nasa ospital siya, why?" sagot ko habang nakatitig kay Mama. Si Papa naman nakasapo sa noo. Well, I know. My fault again.

"Ivan, wala na ang katulong natin at nakita sa autopsy ang dahilan ng pagkamatay niya."

"So, what does that have to do with me?"

"Please be honest with me. What did you do?" nagsusumamo na sabi ni mama.

"Oh. Is that a question Mom? Or should I say it's my fault again." napayuko si Mama. She's defeated. I know her very well.

"Is that how you answer your Mom, Ivan?" sulpot ni Papa. Nakatiim-bagang siya na nakatingin sa akin. Ano pa ba ang magagawa ko? They see me as a villain, always.

"I will protect you no matter what, Ivan. Just be honest with me. Please." mangiyak-ngiyak na sabi ni Mama.

"Yes, I did it." nakatingin ako ng diretso kay Mama. At nagsimula na siyang humagulhol.

My dad punch me into my face. I see his anger through his eyes. I felt nothing. He always did it to me. What's new?

Napasigaw si Mama, at hinawakan si Papa.

"Ano ba, Ivan?! Hanggang kailan mo pa kami pahihirapan?!" Sigaw ni Papa sakin.

"Ivan, bakit mo ginawa yun kay Yaya?" tanong ni Mama.

"I saw her. She entered your room and stole your cash. I put poison to her coffee. She deserves it, Mom. I'm just trying to help."

"Trying to help? You didn't know what's the meaning of help. You killed your Yaya. Sana sinabi mo saamin ng Mama mo ang nakita mo para kami na ang gumawa ng disiplina sa kanya hindi yong gagawa ka ng sarili mong aksyon." Galit na turan saakin ni Papa, at dinuduro duro niya na ako habang hindi parin siya binibitawan ni Mama. He will punch me again, sooner.

"We will put you to mental institution." Dagdag ni Papa.

"What? No!"

"Para din sayo yun anak, para magamot ka nila." sabi ni Mama, na kanina pa iyak ng iyak.

"Hindi nga ako baliw, Ma! Alam ko ang ginagawa ko at hindi ako papayag na itapon niyo sa mental hospital! I was just trying to protect you guys, but you all see me as a bad person."

"Hindi mo alam ang ginagawa mo, hindi normal ang pumatay ng tao." napasapo muli sa noo si Papa and this time nakita ko na yumugyug ang balikat ni Papa at napatakip siya ng mata. "Please, anak. Para sayo naman to. Hindi na namin alam ng Mama mo ang gagawin. You need medication. And after that, magiging normal na ang lahat, magiging masaya na tayo."

And then hindi nila hinayaan na malaman ng mga tao ang ginawa ko kaya binayaran nila ang Medical Examiner na ibahin ang resulta ng autopsy ni Yaya para lang di ako makulong pagdating ko sa tamang edad. Sinagot din nila Papa ang funeral at iba pang gastusin ng pamilya ng katulong namin.

Yeah. They put me in mental hospital for almost 2 years. Pagkalabas ko, I met Enna. She's one of the most beautiful girl I've ever known. Actually I'm not interested with her because she's into my bro, Cloud. I love my twin brother so much that's why I protect him ever since we were a kid.

I'm 17 years old now. And that's the real journey begins.

Akala ko nong lumabas ako galing mental institution mas naging okay ako. Pero hindi. Mas lalo akong na-o-overwhelm when it comes to protecting my family. I always watch them when sleeping. I checked and lock their windows everynight without them knowing. I also checked Cloud's phone and take a round on our house. It's like I've becoming paranoid when I saw Cloud's face when someone punch him, and I secretly find that someone to take revenge for my brother. I don't open up to my parents that I've felt worst everyday. I drunk sleeping pills every night because I can't sleep anymore. My mind keeps torturing me and giving me chills. 

They didn't know that I found out that Enna's cheating on my brother. I never told him because she's so inlove with that b*tch. I stalked her. And even found out that she's slept with someone and that makes me even furious.

Kaya ginawa kong kidnap-pin siya. Sinaktan ko siya at pinalabas na gusto ko siyang i-harass but the truth is I just want to protect my brother, in this scheme I can make alibi's and make me look bad. And that's it I killed my brother's lover. At di ko magawang sabihin sa kanya ang totoo na hindi naman talaga ako inlove sa girlfriend niya. It was just an alibi para magalit siya sakin. I also killed Maika, I didn't know she's just pretending to be my brother's girlfriend. And I also take Shane because I saw my brother crying because of her. And I didn't tell him what's really my reason. I've become worst than I ever expected and I deserved this.

So I hope one day they forgive me because this time I will never be their problem anymore.

For you bro. If you read this. I hope you forgive me for being not your best bro in the world but I really love you so much that I can kill someone who hurt you. And I'm sorry because I'm not also your dream bro. I'm different. And that's make you all hate me for being like this.

I hope Mom read this. Sorry kung nadamay kita sa galit ko, hindi ko na rin kilala ang sarili ko. Tama ka Ma, hindi ako normal. And I'm sorry for making you cry, always. I love you, Mom.

For Papa, I didn't make you proud. You think that I tried to kill you all but I didn't, you all misunderstood me. Sorry because I'm telling the whole truth in this diary and not saying this for the whole time.

You can all breathe now. I'm done.

IVAN