Breathe Again

A Confession

I love you too—
I've been telling you this all too often
And I'd like to make myself believe
That saying things would make it true.

I love you too—
I've been staring, kissing, loving you all-day
Like in a romantic movie scene
That I've been losing reasons why I shouldn't at all.

I love you too—
I have been saying this again and again
Yet, why does my heart doesn't beat so?

I love you—
I really want to love you
But,

When i look at you,
I don't see you.
I see her smile,
Her laugh,
Her quirks,
Her dimples.

When I held you,
I was holding her.
I gripped her waist,
Embraced her curves,
Swayed her body,
All of it as I held you in my arms.

When I kissed you,
I called her name.
I remember the taste of her lips,
The way she bit my tongue,
Licked my neck,
While you are standing in front of me,
Unfocused,
Catching your breath.

I love you—
I want to love you.
I want to see you too,
I want to hold you too,
I want to kiss you too,
All at the same time.

But how can I
When every time I looked at you,
I yearn for you to be someone else.

Still,
I love you too—
I will say this again and again
Until it becomes true.

I want to love you too—
Because you make loving seem so easy.

———

March 9, 2020

2:00 am