fuck. • NOAH TDI

▸ The Big Sleep: Part Five ◂

"Last time on Total Drama Island... Twenty-two campers arrived and learned that they'll be spending the next eight weeks at a crusty old summer camp. The campers were faced with their first challenge, jumping off a cliff into shark-infested waters. And while most campers took the plunge, a few were forced to wear the dreaded chicken hat."

"At the campfire ceremony, it all came down to two campers. Courtney has experience as a C.I.T. in summer camp, but refused to jump. And Ezekiel managed to tick off every female contestant at the camp win his sexist comments about women."

"In the end, the first camper voted off Total Drama Island was Ezekiel, proving that homeschooling and reality TV don't really mix."

"Who will be voted off this week in the most dramatic campfire ceremony yet? Find out tonight on Total. Drama. Island!"

▸ ◂

APRIL

Everyone was awoken to Chris blowing a loud airhorn. I heard a loud thunk coming from Leshawna's bed, "Ow! It's seven in the morning! Do I look like a farmer to you?"

▸ ◂

I walked out of the cabin and stood next to Noah. "Morning! Hope you slept well." Chris said. Heather put her hand in Chris' shoulder, "Hi, Chris. You look really buff in those shorts." "Skank." I mumbled, Noah laughed quietly. "What was that, freak?" Heather got up in my face. "I was just pointing out that huge, eroding pimple in the middle of your forehead. Makes you look uglier than usual." I said. "What?" Heather shrieked touching her forehead. Heather scoffed, realizing there wasn't actually a pimple on her head, "Why you-" "Okay ladies, chill." Chris said.

"I hope you're all ready because your next challenge begins in exactly one minute." Chris said. "Oh, excuse me. I don't know if that's enough time to eat breakfast." Owen said. "Oh, you'll get breakfast, Owen. Right after you complete your  twenty kilometer run around the lake!" Chris cheered. "Oh, so you're funny now? You know what I think would be funny?" Eva yelled, "You're enjoying this, aren't you?!" "A little. You have thirty seconds." Chris laughed.

CONFESSIONAL

Courtney: Okay, that girl Eva has got to get a handle on her temper. She's only been here one day and she's already thrown her suitcase out a window and broken the lock on one of the bathroom doors.
—
April: She reminds me of my mum minus the drinking.
—
Noah: She sounds like April's mom, except nicer.

THIRD PERSON

"Okay, runners! On your marks, get set, go!" Chris yelled as everyone took off running, Owen last, of course. A few minutes in and some people were already panting. "Do you know how much longer?" Harold asked. "Don't walk beside me." Gwen said. Noah ran past Heather, almost tripping her in the process. "Do you mind?" Heather snapped at him, earning a laugh from April who was next to him.

CONFESSIONALS

Heather: I don't run. And I definitely don't run in high heel wedges.

CONFESSIONALS (AGAIN, TIME SKIP)

Gwen: After a whole week of brown sludge, I almost cried when I saw that buffet.
—
Owen: And then I saw it, the buffet table. It was beautiful. There was turkey and Nanamo bars and baked beans and maple syrup! Can I have a minute?