Love, Kookie

Letter # 10

"My Lana,

Right now, it's a little after midnight, but I couldn't not keep up with my weekly letters to you. I've been anxious lately. I would've kept it to myself but we both know there's little I can keep from you.

I've had these dreams, dreams where I'm in this long dark tunnel and I can see you at the end. So I run. I run and run and run but never reach you. I'll get to be a couple of feet from you but it's never close enough, and if I stop running you just get farther away.

So I yell your name, and you'll look up for a second, but never at me. It's like you want me to be there, but you can't tell that I'm right in front of you. I can't really explain it.

So I worry. But not about you. I know you're strong. You're doing just fine, I know it. I worry that I won't be able to take much more of this. Maybe you're fine without me, and you don't want me back. Maybe you really do resent me for leaving, no matter how many times you told me I needed to go. I really hope that's not the case, but I felt like I should tell you anyway. I have to know you'll prove me wrong when I get back.

I love you, Lana. So much. You have my whole heart, forever and always.

Love, Jeon Jungkook"

"Woah."

"Yeah." I wipe my dry face, expecting moisture. Apparently I've run out of tears today. I read Jimin all of Jungkook's letters.

"I was always jealous of that kid, and then he had to go and do this." Jimin, however, has plenty of tears to spare. "He's in pain here." He wipes his cheek on his sleeve and I offer a tissue.

"We can't be sure of that." I soothe him, not really believing my words. I run his back gently.

A knock on the door means that it's time for dinner.

"Come in." I say.

"Hey, dinner is– oh, sweetie." Naomi, Jimin's wife, enters the room and takes over rubbing his back when she sees him in tears. "I made Kimchi jjigae."
His head lifts at this.

"Really?"

"Yes, come before it gets cold. Lana?" She gives me a motherly, concerned expression.

"I'll be down in a minute."

She gives me a sad smile and takes her husband downstairs, leaving me alone at the desk. I kiss the letter and place it in the drawer.

"I love you, Jeon Jungkook. More than words can describe. I could never resent you. Never." I shut the drawer and go to join my friends for dinner. I can't bring myself to write a response for Jungkook's letter. Not tonight.