Love, Kookie

Letter # 9

"My sweet Lana,

Actions speak louder than words. I always said that I would think about becoming a writer, mostly to humor your wishes for me, but they're looking for people to write status reports and such, so this could be my chance.

They also want accounts of daily life for some kind of documentation, and recommended that some of us start writing stuff down, like a diary of sorts. I know it's not the kind of writing that either of us intended, but it's a start, and it gives me something good to think about, other than you, of course.

I think I'm going to do it. Maybe it will make the time fly by faster, although every minute I'm not with you feels like a thousand years.

I thought about writing a song the other day. I know how happy that'd make you. If only I had someone to teach me things about music. Maybe I'll ask J-Hope if he knows anything.

Love, Kookie."

I tuck the letter into the drawer, leaving it open to look at, and start on my own. I spent all of yesterday writing my responses to all of the previous letters, crying especially hard as I responded to his poem for me. Shakily, I start writing my response to the letter in front of me.

"Kookie,

I love you and I miss you. You're right, the thought of you writing a song makes me ecstatic. I just wish I could hear you sing again. Your voice was and is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. I can't wait to hear your voice again, it makes me want to just end this distance right now, go straight to you so we can be together, but I'll wait. For you I'd wait a million lifetimes.

When we see each other again, it'll be the right way. No giving up. That was part of our promise. I miss being in your arms. I miss your smile. I miss your teasing, even. I miss the morning kisses and afternoon naps. I miss–"

"Lana?" A soft voice breaks me out of my thoughts.

I turn to see the dark haired boy in the doorway. For a second my delirious mind thinks it's Jungkook, but that would be impossible.

"Oh, it's just you." I say, turning back to my paper. I sigh. I can't finish the letter now, my mind is somewhere else.

"What are you up to?" He asks, approaching cautiously.

"I'm writing to him." I admit sheepishly.

He grabs the back of my chair and leans over my shoulder, inspecting my setup. "Does it help?" He asks.

I exhale, relieved that he's decided not to judge me. "Yeah, it does. I just wish he could read them, you know?"

He sighs. "I know."

A tear slips down my cheek and he's quick to notice.

"Hey, shhh." He pulls me up out of the chair and my knees buckle, forcing me to kneel on the ground. He follows me to the ground and cradles my head against his chest, pulling me into his lap. The gesture reminds me of how Jungkook held me, making me cry harder. "You're gonna be ok"

"I love him so much." I say.

"I know." He strokes my hair. I look to see the sad expression on his face as well.

"Do you miss him?" I ask stupidly.

His eyes water. "Every day."

I nod into his chest and let the tears continue to flow. I learned a long time ago to just let moments like these play out rather than suppressing the emotion.

He holds me like that for as long as I need, and I hear him let out his own sobs as well. I owe this boy so much. When I'm finally calm, I pull away to look into his equally red eyes.

"Thanks, Jimin."