Must Have Done Something Right / Scorbus

Chapter 28 / The Price of a Promise

Scorpius is in love with me.
Scorp.
In love.
With me.
The thought was alien.
And yet ... it wasn't.
"Albus! Albus, look at me!"
"Did you know?"
"Hey Albus, did you know?"
Dozens of voices around him exploded in a cacophony of noise; asking the same question. Did he know his best friend loved him?
No, was his immediate answer. But the more he thought about it, the more he realised that it was something he always knew. Like an instinct, buried deep within him. Something he would only know was there if it was said aloud.
He hazily looked around at the crowd gathering around him. Some were looking at him in pity, some in disgust, and some were laughing at him. But Albus felt none of these emotions. He didn't know what he was feeling. His extremities has gone numb the instant the words had left Matt's mouth, his feet were glued to the floor, and his tongue seemed to have found solace stuck to the roof of his mouth.
Scorpius is in love with me.
A flush of something unnamed swept through his body, causing shivers to spiral down his arms and legs.
"Weren't expecting that, were you?"
Mel's voice stood out among the many others, and Albus felt his skin crawl when he heard her. She didn't look or sound surprised. Replaying the last few minutes in his mind had him convinced that she was Matt's partner—they had both planned this. Promising himself to sort through his feelings later on, Albus addressed the issue at hand.
He turned to her. Her face spoke of triumph; her grin one of success.
"What have you done?" His own voice sounded foreign.
She didn't deny it; she didn't even flinch at the accusation in Albus' question. "Revealed the truth," she said, confidence oozing out of her. "You should thank me, now that you know what your so-called friend is hiding from you."
His heart clenched in pain at the mention of Scorpius. He shook his head and stared hard at her. "That wasn't your place, Mel. That wasn't your secret to tell."
The grin on her face immediately disappeared. She glared at him with a cold, set face. The transformation from the beautiful girl in the red dress to angry and resolute person before him now was incredible. "Are you actually sticking up for him? He's been lying to you all this time!"
"And you've betrayed me!" Albus yelled back.
The crowd around them began to shush, eager to listen.
"What are you talking about? I've done nothing wrong!" Mel defended.
Albus looked at her with hurt in his eyes. "Really? Did you not plan this all with Matt? Did you not go behind my back and talk to the person with whom I have broken all ties? Did you not, right now, hurt and abuse my friend?" His voice broke on that last word.
"You needed to know the truth!"
"He would have told me!" Albus cried out, not even knowing if it was true. "Dammit, Melissa!"
Matt stepped in between Albus and Mel.
"Calm down, children. No need to get all feisty." The amusement was evident in Matt's voice, even if he didn't have the leering grin on his face.
Albus felt sick at the sight of him. "Fuck off," he spat.
"Tsk, tsk, Potter. With language like that, you might join me in detention."
Albus saw red. He lunged at Matt, only to be caught by two pairs of hands and yanked back. He turned and saw that Paul Rockwell and Bryce Gilles had his arms firmly grasped.
"Let me go," he growled.
Matt turned to him. "We did this for your own good, Albus. Now you know the truth, that that cock-sucking little faggot is a disgusting menace who is only going to destroy you."
"Shut up!" Albus struggled to escape Paul and Bryce, desperate to get his hands around Matt's neck. "Stop talking about him like that! He's nothing like that!"
"See? He's already corrupted you. You need to forget about him."
"It's you I need to forget about, Matt. Now let me go," he said, channelling every ounce of patience he had. Bloody hell, where are the Professors when you need them? But the throng of students around him were thick and still making too much of a riot to respond to order. Near the entrance to the Hall was a larger swarm of students where most of the Professors were trying to calm the students down. In the centre, he caught a glimpse of blond hair. Scorp.
Mel pushed Matt aside and stepped right up close to Albus so that their faces were centimetres apart. Albus felt compelled to pull away but he sensed that she was desperate to say something. Seemingly, she hadn't forgotten about Albus' accusation of her betrayal earlier. When she spoke, her tone was a fraction calmer, although heavily laced with hurt and resentment. "Think about how I feel for a moment, Albus. Since Malfoy became your friend, you've just shoved me to the side. He's suddenly become the first priority in your life. If you want to talk about betrayal, why don't you look in a mirror for a change?"
Albus bit his tongue. There was truth in her words, he admitted. He blew off their monthly anniversary for him, among other things.
Mel reached out and laid a hand on his shoulder. The touch felt like ice. "I still love you, Albus. I still want us to be together." Here she paused, allowing her words to reverberate between them. Albus' feelings inside were running wild. He didn't know to react to that. Opening her mouth once more, Mel offered Albus a challenge. "But I can't be with you ... if you want to continue to be friends with Malfoy. You need to choose."
"Mel," he began, but he didn't know how to finish. He understood what she was saying, but it didn't make it any less difficult. He somehow knew that one day this would happen; that he would have to face this ultimatum; but it had come far too soon and Albus didn't know how to answer. His choice should be simple, but the decision was gut-wrenching. Mel was looking at him anxiously, as if expecting an answer now. When he didn't give one, Mel's eyes lowered.
"I see ..."
"No," Albus said. "Look, I can't ..." he trailed off, utterly torn. Didn't she see that this was hardly the time to make such a decision? Half the student body were surrounding him, waiting for his next words, but this was something he needed to do alone. "I need to be alone right now." He hadn't rejected her, but the despondent look on her face acted like he might as well have. He knew why too. His answer should have been a confident, 'I still love you too,' but it wasn't, because it couldn't be. Scorp, to him, was just as important. If not, then more. But a decision like that wasn't one to be made in the spur of the moment, when emotions were running high. He was viable to say things he would later regret. Albus knew he needed to get out of there.
She nodded, and Paul and Bryce took that as permission to let him go. Albus shook his arms free, spared another look at Mel and turned to walk away.
"Make your decision wisely, Albus," Matt called out, a subtle threat lacing his words together. "It will affect everything."
Finally, something he and Matt agreed on. But he didn't turn around to say anything more.
There was someone he desperately wanted to see.
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Agony burned his insides; the wet tears coursing down his face doing nothing to quell the flames. The pain was unbearable, and shock of having his secret outed was excruciating. Albus' face flashed in his mind and Scorpius was certain nothing would ever hurt as much than Albus' repulsion of him.
When he finally reached his dormitory, he jumped on his bed, yanked the curtains closed and reached for his wand, certain the only cure was more pain.
"Diffindo," he hissed harshly, gritting his teeth hard as sharp stings bit at the skin of his body, small pinpricks of pain causing his pale complexion to bloom into a vicious red.
If he had the courage, he knew he would probably have killed himself. Scorpius felt disgusted with himself. Too bloody scared to do anything worthwhile.
"Diffindo." Blood rushed to just beneath his skin and even while tears of pain were still falling from his red eyes, he found a strange sort of fascination at watching his skin be tortured under his own ministrations. He repeated the spell over and over again until the sharp stinging pains became null; until he couldn't feel anything anymore. Eventually, he saw with rapt fascination his skin tear and thin lines of his crimson blood seep out and paint his pale forearms in its deathly pallor. His entire body became anaesthetised from the barrage of pain. His arms were a battleground; red from the casualties of the war he waged with himself. Blood ran down and splattered on the green coverlet—the contrast of colour was spectacular.
Dimly, he heard pounding feet outside the dormitory, climbing the stairs. He cursed himself for forgetting to lock the door, but by the time he made the realisation, it was too late. Whoever it was, they were already barging in through the door like hell was chasing him. The voice yelling his name was unmistakable and Scorpius screwed his eyes shut, silently screaming at Albus to go away.
"Scorpius!"
No, no, no. Go away, Albus! Please!
The whirlwind of noise Albus made when storming into the room stopped suddenly, and Scorpius could picture him staring at his closed bed, knowing Scorpius was behind the curtain, but unsure of what to say. Scorpius was not going to say a word.
Soft sounds of Albus' feet shuffling closer to his bed were the only indication that he was moving. With every step, another tear fell down Scorpius' face, and sense of utter barrenness in his stomach and heart convinced him that Albus would lash out at him.
Please, just leave me alone.
The sound of his steps stopped, and Scorpius saw the curtain around his bed waver a fraction, knowing Albus was standing directly on the other side.
"Scorp." His voice was much quiet this time. Scorpius heard him take a breath. "I know you're there ... I know you can hear me ..." He paused. Scorpius clenched his jaw and wished with everything he had Albus would just leave. "You—you're not going to say anything, are you?"
No, so just go.
Albus remained silent for a whole minute, obviously misinterpreting Scorpius' lack of words. He could almost hear Albus' mind ticking away, trying to form sentences and words, trying to say the right thing. But there was no right thing to say. The only word Scorpius wanted to say out loud was that same Severing Charm over and over again. The numbness had disappeared and Scorpius was beginning to feel the sting of the damage he had caused with acute and throbbing awareness: the tears that were still flowing were a testament to the pain. Rivulets of crimson fluid still ran down his arm, the tears in his skin still unhealed. Scorpius never wanted to close the wounds.
"C-Can I see you?"
Every instinct he had screamed at him to say No!, knowing that if Albus saw him in his state, he could never bare to live. But his mouth remained stubbornly wordless, and Albus took his silence as permission.
Time slowed to a crawl as Albus pulled the bed curtains away. But Scorpius couldn't stop the inevitable. Albus' face eventually appeared from behind the fabric, and as soon as he saw Scorpius, it spoke of the utmost horror.
"Scor—? Oh my god, Scorpius?" Albus yelled, staring unabashedly at the mutilated form of his arms, the red on the coverlet, the abused skin and the bloodshot eyes.
Scorpius clenched his jaw and looked down, unable to see Albus standing there with wide open green eyes, still looking completely unattainable in his suit.
"Go awa—"
Albus ignored him and reached down to gently grasp Scorpius' hands, holding his defaced arms out to be observed.
"Scorp?" His voice broke as he stared in disbelief. Albus stared imploringly at Scorpius and suddenly his demeanour changed. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"Let me go." He tried to pull his arm out but Albus was unrelenting.
Albus saw Scorpius' wand lying next to him. With a burst of anger, he grabbed it and shoved it under Scorpius' nose. "Are you trying to kill yourself? Huh?"
If I could, I would.
"Oh my god, Scorp, what are you thinking?" He threw the wand away in repulsion and it clattered down beside the bed. Without stopping to think at all, Albus furiously grabbed his own wand and pointed it at Scorpius' red arms.
"Cura—"
Scorpius pulled his arms away. "No!" He didn't want the wounds healed; he wanted them as a reminder. Why, he couldn't say.
"What—why, Scorp? Why are you hurting yourself like this?" His voice caught on his words. The look in his eyes was unquestionably one of hurt and confusion.
Because you know the truth.
Even silently and in his head, waves of tears cascaded out, unable to be withheld by Scorpius' efforts to screw his eyes shut.
It was as if suddenly, finally, Albus was beginning to make sense of the situation. His voice changed from one of anger back to one that was far gentler. His grip on Scorpius' arms slackened and Scorpius instinctively pulled his hands away—Albus' touch felt like fire. "Scorpius ..." Albus said, looking at his downturned face. "I don't—I don't care about ... what was said down there. Really, I—look, just ... I don't mind, I don't care ... just don't—Merlin, I never want you to hurt yourself like this ... what—what were you thinking?" His voice was starting to become unstable, and Scorpius could hear that he was on the verge of eyes as wet as his. "Never do this again. D'you hear me? Never, Scorp." His voice was adamant and unmoving. "I couldn't bear it if you were—" He took a long breath, and rubbed his eyes with his hands. "You could seriously have hurt yourself, Scorp."
Scorpius finally looked up and saw Albus' shiny eyes. A pair of tears, one on each cheek, was falling down Albus' face. "I thought ... I thought you'd want that," Scorpius said softly.
Albus stared at him in horror. "What? What on earth made you think I would ever want that?" He shook his head in absolute resolution.
"You—you know the tru ..." His sentence drowned in the flood of his tears.
"I don't care about that! Honestly, I—Scorp, yes I know the truth, but I don't care. How many times should I say it?"
Scorpius' body wracked with a shuddering sob. He lifted his arms to wipe at his face, causing the streams of blood to slide down his arm. Albus stared at the red in disbelief.
"Nothing could ever be worth you hurting yourself, Scorpius," said Albus determinately. Grabbing the handkerchief that was folded in the jacket of his suit, Albus gently dabbed it against Scorpius' arms. It immediately stained red.
"Just ..." Scorpius began through tears. "Just ... forget it. Forget it happened."
Albus stopped wiping his arms and sat back a little. Ignoring Scorpius' plea, he asked in a whisper. "It's all true? The diary, everything?"
Stricken with terror, but knowing he couldn't deny it, Scorpius nodded.
Albus took a deep breath while Scorpius held his. "Then," said Albus finally. "It's not something I could ever forget. And frankly," he added before Scorpius could convulse in bitter sobs, "it's not something I want to forget. Scorpius, I told you that I didn't care, but I do. It means something to me. I don't ... I don't know what, but ..." He paused, trying to find his words again. Scorpius stared at him, awaiting his words. "Don't you dare be ashamed or scared about this. Everyone else might make fun of you, of us, but I promised to you that I would be your friend and stick by you, and I'll never go back on that promise."
There were so many things Scorpius wanted to say, so many considerations to be made. But the first thing out of his mouth surprised even him: "Mel?"
Scorpius saw that Albus was doing some quick thinking. Eventually, he said, "I haven't figured that much out yet, to be honest."
That Albus was unsure about his girlfriend but certain about him meant more to Scorpius than could be said.
"Now you need to make a promise to me." Albus was staring at him with deep intent, his gaze entirely unbroken and sure. Scorpius swallowed. "You
never point your wand at yourself and hurt yourself again, understand me?" The question was said in complete gravity.
After a moment, Scorpius bit his lip and nodded.
"Say it. Promise to me."
Scorpius knew the only way he could make such a promise would be if Albus never left him. Scorpius looked him in the eye and saw there, as clear as if it had been written in ink, that Albus was one hundred percent loyal to their friendship. He knew Albus would never break his promise. Now he needed to make his.
"I won't ... I promise."

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Next Chapter: Albus tried to come to terms with his emotions with the help of an unlikely ally.