Must Have Done Something Right / Scorbus

Chapter 37 / This Ain't a Love Song, This is Goodbye

The awful, gut-clenching silence seemed to go on forever. Mel's earlier enthusiasm dissipated first into shock, then anger, then confusion, and Albus detected every emotion as clear as if it had been written on her forehead. Half her buttons hung undone as her hands slowly lowered till they were by her side. Albus had never seen her so vulnerable.
"W-what?" she asked, unbelieving and unsuspecting.
There was bile in his mouth and he fought to swallow it down coarsely. "I just ... it's not working, Mel. I'm sorry." His voice felt detached from his body, in a surreal moment of unpredictable results. Would she hit him? Cry? Run away?
"I thought ..." she said in almost a whisper with her eyebrows scrunched in misunderstanding, "I thought you loved me."
Albus hadn't been anticipating it would be this difficult; not when his mind was so thoroughly made up five minutes ago. The sound of her distressed confusion made his muscles tense in unease.
"I thought we were going okay," she continued, looking Albus straight in the eye, waiting for him to reply. She wanted an explanation, but Albus' courage earlier seemed to have been fleeting, because he found he didn't want to say anything. He remained quiet and watched while Mel's face morphed into sorrow. She obviously hadn't been expecting this at all. As far as she was concerned, things between them had been much better in the past three weeks, and Albus had been too much of a coward to tell her that while she was falling back in love with him, he was steadily falling out of love with her.
As if she was reading his mind, Mel asked, "You love someone else, don't you?"
There was no malice in her voice, which shocked Albus. Nor did her question sound sarcastic at all, even though they both knew what Albus' answer would be. Instead, it pained Albus to realise there was only sadness. And despite not loving her anymore, he felt horrible. He bit the insides of his cheeks.
Mel released a joyless laugh, one of incredulity. "He's a boy, Albus."
Albus closed his eyes. This wasn't the conversation he wanted to be having. Scorpius was never supposed to enter the picture. This was about Mel and he, and their relationship. "Mel—"
"Albus! Scorpius is a boy!" she cried out, her anger eventually escaping out of her.
"I know, Mel. I know he's a boy. But this isn't about Scorpius. It's about us!"
"So, what then," Mel said, looking at him imploringly, while her lower lip quivered, "are you queer, is that it?"
To his horror, Albus realised that she was close to tears. A second later, her eyes began to shine in the candlelight. He became angry at himself—why was everyone around him crying lately? Had he failed everyone? Had he failed every single relationship that meant something to him once? Every tear shed by Scorpius and Mel made his heart ache.
"No, Mel, I'm not queer—" he tried to say, his voice suddenly much more subdued.
"You're breaking up with me! Because of a boy!" Her voice had become hysterical, as tears started to fall out of the rim of her eyes. "How could you? How could you?"
Robbed momentarily of words, a sense of hollowness filled Albus at the utter betrayal she felt. He had let her down and gave her no warning. When he had made his decision in the courtyard with his brother and sister, he hadn't taken into consideration what Mel would feel when he dropped the bomb. Her anguish was like a slap in the face—or, more like a kick to the groin. She was completely distraught, and Albus couldn't believe it took until this final moment for him to realise what he meant to Mel.
"Mel," he said at length, "I am so sorry." Inwardly, he winced. He hated saying that word—it didn't bring justice to anything or anyone. It was a stupid word that did nothing to convey the remorse he felt.
Evidently, she didn't like it was well. "What are you sorry for, Albus? Sorry that you ever loved me? Sorry that you're a bloody gay? Sorry that you ever wasted your breath with me?"
"No—!"
"Then what are you sorry for?" she shrieked, her question ending in a sob.
Albus felt gutted. "I'm sorry for ... leading you on, making you like me ... for this conversation ..."
"You—" Her voice was strained. "Albus ... I thought you loved me..."
"I did."
Past tense.
His two words hung in the tense atmosphere, and Albus wished he didn't have to sound so cruel. But there was no nice way to do it; either way, he would break her heart. He had gone past the point of no return. She needed to know the truth, no matter how harsh it was.
Her face finally changed into one of realisation and acknowledgment.
Still crying, she sniffled and said, "So is this it?" she said, gesturing between the two of them with her hand. "You're dumping me for a boy who not only doesn't like you right now, but is with someone else."
Her words stung—she meant them to—but Albus didn't stand back. Scorpius had done the same for him for months on end while he was with Mel.
She was waiting for an answer and Albus didn't want to say at outright 'yes'. He felt it would be crueller if he spoke it. So he nodded miserably, hoping that was as much of an answer she required.
Sounds of her sorrow filled their silent room—crying, sniffling, shuddering. It was one of the worst things he had ever had to do. He felt drained and empty and angry. He had had enough of conversations like this. He had had enough of making people cry. There was only so much a sixteen year old could take.
Standing in front of her and watching her cry was awful. He wanted to say something, but all he could think of was 'sorry', and he wasn't going to utter that word again. Albus felt stuck.
Between sobs and tears, Mel grit her teeth together and stared at him with eyes that made Albus wonder if she had ever loved him and all, because there was nothing but the severest dislike there. "Get lost, Albus. I never want to see you again."
Her request was eerily similar to the one Scorpius made, and it made Albus' heart break all over again, as memories of three weeks ago painfully resurfaced to taunt him. Two of the closest people in his life hated him, and in Albus rested an innate desire to go up to Mel and try to smooth this horrible ending out. But he obeyed her wish, knowing there was nothing he could do or say that Mel would want to hear.
It was done; he was dead to her; their relationship was well and truly over.
His journey back down and through the Gryffindor Common Room was a blur—though he did remember seeing Mel's insane friend—was it Georgia?—run up to the dormitory as soon as he left it, eager to learn what had transpired. No doubt she would see Mel crying her eyes out and vow to hunt Albus down and string him up by his testicles, or something just as horrifying.
As he exited the den, the Fat Lady behind him shrieking angrily at him, Albus marvelled miserably at how much things had changed in such a short time. Just over three months ago he had everything he could ever want; everyone loved him and appreciated him. Now, family aside, Albus could think of no one close to him that could stand the sight of him.
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"Let's go to Hogsmeade," Eamon mumbled against Scorpius' lips.
Scorpius pulled back, separating their faces quickly. "We went two weeks ago." He couldn't see why he'd want to go again. The last time they went, they had hardly left the Three Broomsticks, because all Eamon wanted to do was sit and kiss. Scorpius frowned—that was probably why he wanted to go again.
"But we never hang out ... just the two of us."
Scorpius resisted the temptation to point out that they were, for all accounts and purposes, alone right now in the second floor study hall, except for a pair of younger Ravenclaws and a lone first-year Slytherin, none of which were paying any attention to them. Instead, he leant forward in his chair, away from the arm Eamon had slung over the back of his seat and the fingers that were gently tickling his upper arm.
"We need to study," he said, looking down into the Transfiguration textbook in front of him. "Besides, we're hanging out right now."
He felt Eamon's gaze near the vicinity of his right ear, but ignored it and continued to skim over the chapter on Gamp's Law on Elemental Transfiguration. They were silent for a moment, but he knew Eamon wanted to say something and was trying to determine the best way to say it.
Eventually, Eamon blurted, "What's wrong?" evidently believing this was the most strategic way to approach the subject.
Scorpius looked up and blinked. "Nothing."
"No, something's wrong,\"" Eamon said, shaking his head. "You've been acting differently lately."
Scorpius inwardly snorted, wondering where Eamon words were coming from, considering they had only been together for a less than a month; certainly not enough time for Eamon to determine what was Scorpius' 'normal' and 'different.' "Have I?" he asked, dubiously. "Honestly, I'm fine, Eamon." He added a small smile, hoping it would calm his friend's—boyfriend's, Scorpius had to mentally correct himself—concerns.
Suddenly, Eamon leant in and collided his lips with Scorpius' unsuspecting mouth. Scorpius' eyes widened instantly, and wondered what was going on. They were here to study, not kiss! What was Eamon thinking? Expecting the kiss to be a short and chaste one, Scorpius forced his mind to shut up and wait for Eamon to pull away, deciding it wasn't an altogether bad kiss, even though it was unconventionally timed.
Only, Eamon had no intention of pulling away. Instead, he pressed closer to Scorpius, and ran his tongue against his mouth. Heart pounding frantically at the Eamon's unexpected actions, Scorpius wasn't entirely sure he wanted their kiss to continue much further, still not accustomed to having someone else's tongue in his mouth. He decided, however, to wait it out, remaining an unmoving participant.
He supposed he owed Eamon this kiss, because despite his many advances over the past few weeks, Scorpius had always remained reserved and hesitant, without offering explanations as to why Eamon's enthusiasm was met by his tepidness. He hadn't told Eamon about his kiss with Albus; only mentioned that he and Albus had had a falling out, and if Scorpius was being utterly truthful to himself, he would admit that his recent apathy was because of it. The memory of his and Albus' last meeting was still raw and painful in his mind, and although Albus' words had been unbelievably hurtful, he could hardly believe he had told him he never wanted to see him again. If Eamon had made the connection that Scorpius' gloomy aura of late was tied to his and Albus' broken friendship, he hadn't mentioned it. In fact, Albus' name never came up in their conversations, and Scorpius was grateful for it.
Scorpius decided that now, being kissed by Eamon, was also probably not a good time to be thinking of Albus.
Eamon's hand came to rest on the left side of his face, just under his ear, gently stroking.
Scorpius' heart stopped.
That was the same thing Albus had done when he had kissed him.
Suddenly, he couldn't stand the thought of continuing the kiss and hastily pulled away.
"Don't!" he exclaimed abruptly, reaching up to push Eamon's hand away from his face.
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Wanting desperately to be alone, Albus coursed through the winding stone corridors of Hogwarts in the hopes he would find somewhere devoid of people.
Mel's grief and weeping face wouldn't leave his mind alone, and he was ready to scream out his anger at himself. He hated every second of what he had done. He despised himself for it. It was implausible to comprehend that within himself, he had the power to break and destroy people like he had done with Mel, and weeks ago with Scorpius.
His heart ached as if the weight of everything and everyone was pressing on him. An unending and complete feeling of darkness and hopelessness fell upon him, and he gritted his teeth, wanting to escape, but finding no route out. He felt as if nothing would work out, or feel right again. He knew if he woke up tomorrow feeling this way, Albus would rather sleep his life away.
He didn't know what to do, or where to go next. If he had thought that breaking up with Mel would solve all his problems, then he had been profusely and pathetically mistaken, because Scorpius still wanted nothing to do with him.
And Merlin, how much that hurt...
As if the pain of that thought wasn't enough, what Albus saw when he rounded the next corner almost killed him.
Scorpius and Eamon.
Kissing.
Blinding fury swept through him like a beast. Anger at Eamon for laying a hand on Scorpius; anger at Scorpius for ever consenting to Eamon's kiss; anger at himself for letting Scorpius slip through his fingers.
"Don't!" he heard Scorpius blurt as he hurriedly pulled away, separating their faces. Albus watched silently from the entrance of the room; he couldn't deny the tiny bit of relief he felt. For some reason, Scorpius didn't want to kiss Eamon.
"What? Why?" the Ravenclaw asked thickly, staring at Scorpius' face earnestly. Albus wanted to punch the red-kissed lips right off his face.
Scorpius appeared to be thinking for a moment, before he said, "I just ..." he turned to the table. "We should be studying." His voice wavered slightly, but he swivelled around until his face was buried in the book before him.
"Studying? Now, Scorp?" Eamon asked incredulously. Obviously studying was the last thing on his mind.
Anger flared up within Albus. He narrowed his eyes at the bastard.
Eamon leaned in close to Scorp and gently ran the tips of his fingers down from Scorpius' shoulder to his wrist, and Albus actually snarled as sharp feelings of jealousy poked and prodded him. When Eamon spoke, his voice was softer, but Albus heard it. "Do you have any idea what you do to me?"
Scorpius visibly froze and his muscles tensed. Albus curled his fingers into a fist.
"Eamon—"
"I don't understand why you don't kiss me the way I kiss you." Eamon brought his face to within centimetres of Scorpius' unmoving one. Albus was physically restraining himself from rushing in and pulling Eamon far away from his friend. "I love you, Scorpius."
Albus heard Scorpius' tiny gasp, even from this distance. "Eamon, please—"
But suddenly, Eamon was kissing him again.
And if Albus was reading Scorpius' signals correctly, Scorpius didn't want it.
So Albus did the first thing that came to his mind and charged forward, white-hot fury flooding his system, with the sole intent to hurt Eamon Hudson as much as possible.
"Get off him, you son of a bitch!" he yelled impulsively.
They sprung apart, like two wound up springs recoiling from each other, and spun to face him, with equal amounts of shock displayed on both their faces. It occurred to Albus how strange and unexpected his actions might seem to them, breaking up their kiss after not speaking to them for weeks. But he didn't care; he just wanted to get in there and stop what was happening.
"Albus!" Scorpius exclaimed in surprise, his eyes as wide as Bludgers.
"What the hell?" Eamon yelled in anger, standing up and looking at Albus as if his neck had suddenly sprouted a second head.
Albus pulled out his wand and aimed it at Eamon, whose face morphed into terror. He frantically scrambled for his own wand, knowing instinctively that Albus with his wand at the ready was not a situation to take lightly.
"Albus! Eamon!" Scorpius shrieked, looking at the two of them in disbelief, "Put your wands down!" His plea was desperate and hysterical, but Albus ignored it.
"What the hell is your problem, Potter?" Eamon spat, holding his wand aloft at Albus so that the tips of their weapons were only inches apart.
"You are," Albus hissed severely. "How dare you go near him when he doesn't want you to!"
"Albus, stop it! Don't do this—" Scorpius began.
"Doesn't want me to?" Eamon repeated, disregarding Scorpius and obviously thinking Albus was insane. "He's my boyfriend, Potter, deal with it."
"Why don't we ask him, then?" Albus asked, staring the other boy down, knowing for certain that Scorpius hadn't wanted to kiss him to begin with.
"There's no need, you crazy lunatic!" Eamon barked back.
"If you'd open your eyes for a second, you'd realise that he doesn't want to kiss you, Hudson!" Albus yelled.
"The hell, he doesn't!"
Scorpius threw his hands up. "If you two would just SHUT UP for a second, you would notice that I am right here! What is wrong with you two? Stop talking about me like that, and stop talking for me!" He shook his head in disbelief and anger, and then turned to Albus, whose heart leapt to his throat. It was the first time he'd really seen Scorpius since their fight, and Albus was reminded once more how much he missed him, and how much he had thrown away when he had stupidly mentioned Mel's name moments after their kiss. When Scorpius spoke next, his message was clear, but his delivery wavered with the hurt he felt, as if he too was thinking about their past. "Albus, put your wand down and go away ... You have no right."
Instantly, the guilt he felt increased ten-fold and overwhelmed him. Guilt; not only for springing upon the two of them so suddenly, but also for his dire mistake three weeks ago. He looked to Scorpius and almost swallowed his own tongue at the pain in his silver eyes. "Scorp ..."
"Stop it, Albus," he said sternly. "Just go."
Albus stared into his face to see if he could see anything there that was a reminder of the friendship they had. But all there was was hurt and anger, which cut deeper than any knife could. He felt like a fool—what are you doing here, Albus? It was obvious Scorpius had long forgotten their friendship and had moved past it; had found someone else.
His instincts told him to talk to Scorpius and try to right the wrongs he'd made, but he respected his wishes.
If Scorpius wanted him to leave, then, Merlin help him, Albus would.

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Next Chapter: In Albus' darkest moment, he spills his heart out to Scorpius.